(My boyfriend is a bell-ringer. That morning, he had rung for a wedding, for which he ended up trapped in the ringing chamber for the entirety of the wedding. It had spanned for two hours. Later that day, we are watching a film when a short wedding scene comes on. He leans closer to me to whisper in my ear. I’m hoping for something romantic.)

Boyfriend: “I wish all weddings were that short.”