Boyfriend: “I kind of want a kid.”

Me: “Right.”

Boyfriend: “I want it to be a boy, and for him to be 7. No, 4! And for him to have the same level of intelligence as me, so we can have epic conversations. Then, if he argues against me, I’ll be like, ‘Shut up, you’re a baby.’”

Me: “I can’t pop out a four year old. There’d have to be pregnancy and 4 years after that.”

Boyfriend: “It doesn’t have to be yours.”

Me: “Oh, so you just want a cool child to hang out with?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, because if you’re pregnant, you’ll get fat.”