(I’ve decided to ask my girlfriend to marry me, and enlisted the help of my younger brother. He’s a glass blower, and has crafted a very special ring box ornament that I can slip the ring inside. While decorating our tree, I’ve slipped it low on the tree. My plan is for her cat to knock it down.)

Girlfriend: “This time of year is so depressing. Should we cancel the paper for the month of December?”

Me: “Well no…there’ll be that s*** on the news, too.”

Girlfriend: *glares at me* “That’s classy.”

(Just as I’d hoped, as my girlfriend and I are talking the cat wanders in and flops on the floor under the tree. It starts batting at the ring box ornament.)

Girlfriend, to the cat: “What’re you doing?! You’ll break it!”

(The ornament falls down, and she picks it up.)

Girlfriend: “Wait…I don’t recognize this one. Where’d it come from?”

Me: *playing dumb* “I dunno.”

(She notices that it has a hinge, and opens the box.)

Girlfriend: “Oh my god…” *turns to stare at me* “You…YOU SNEAKY BASTARD!”

Me: *getting down one one knee* “Well?”

Girlfriend: “I guess this is a good time to tell you I’m pregnant, huh?”

(We’ve now been married for nearly a year, and my little girl is about to have her first Christmas. For some reason, she really loves the cat.)