Brace Yourself

| USA | Flirting/How We Met, Hall of Fame, Top

(I own and run the bookshop, and my friend is visiting me. My friend is female, fairly short and very thin. She has to wear a very noticeable hinged brace on her knee due to a childhood sports injury, but she is by no means helpless. I am male, a foot and a half taller than my friend, and in very good physical condition. I am is also well trained in hand-to-hand combat. A customer is in the shop, and approaches my friend, who is trying to find a book on the shelves.)

Customer: *approaches and shoves her* “Move, b****.”

Friend: “Hey! What’s your problem, man?”

Customer: “I needed to check this shelf for the book I needed and you were in the way.”

Friend: “And you couldn’t just politely ask me to move?”

Customer: “You don’t have to be nice to whores.”

Friend: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “Well, that’s the only reason a woman would need a brace like that, if you were on your knees all the time. Only w****s are on their knees all the time.”

Friend: *trying not to lose her temper* “You do realize, don’t you, that there are a multitude of injuries that would establish a need for this sort of brace?”

Customer: “How dare you talk back to me, you fat b****!” *tries to slap her*

Me: *sneaking up on him and grabbing his wrist* “Not to be clichéd, but you owe her an apology.”

Customer: “No, I don’t! Why the h*** would I have to apologize?”

Me: “First, for shoving her. You had no business putting your hands on her. Second, for calling her a whore. You were being extremely disrespectful, and that’s something I don’t tolerate from my customers. Third, I’d bet your leg alone weighs more than she does. Again, you were being rude.”

(He takes a swing at me.)

Me: *puts him in a headlock* “Sir, you have two options. Both of them involve leaving, but whether you leave vertically or horizontally is up to you.”

Customer: “F*** you! You can’t do s*** to me!”

(I escort him, still in the headlock, to the front of the store and out the door.)

Me: “You are not welcome here. Don’t ever come back.”

(My friend and I started dating not long after that, and I’m asking her to marry me tonight.)

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