Category: Advice

Love advice is best taken lightly, if at all. Thankfully, our friends and families are armed with truckloads of it!


Ignoring The Six Red Flags

| USA | Advice, Exes/Old Flames

(My friend has been in very rocky relationship with a girl who has cheated on him on multiple occasions and he keeps taking her back. After this most recent patch, I’ve been serving as a shoulder to cry on, both literally and figuratively, while, at the same time, trying to encourage him to end it with her for good. He finally hits a point where he’s ready to throw her out when I receive a message from him.)

Friend: “Hey, just letting you know that [Girlfriend] and I are going to Six Flags tomorrow.”

Me: “What?! Just a week ago, you were ready to kick her out, and now you’re going with her to an amusement park?”

Friend: “I know it seems crazy, but I’m trying not to think about things at the moment and just have a good time.”

(I’m annoyed, but decide not to say anything further until the next day when he sends me another message.)

Friend: “[Girlfriend] just won this for me at one of the booths.”

(He sends me a picture of a Superman plushy.)

Me: *head-desk*

(They ended up getting back together only to finally break up six months later over the same issues as last time. This time, thankfully, he wasn’t as broken up about it.)


Literally Blew Me Away

| London, England, UK | Advice

(Some friends and I are talking about our first relationships, and we get on to the topic of our first times having sex.)

Friend #1: “When he asked for a blow job, I gave him what I thought was one.”

Friend #2: “Oh, god. What did you do?”

Friend #1: “Well, I just held it, and… kinda blew on it.”

Me: “Blew on it?”

Friend #1: “Yeah, like this.” *mimics blowing, like you would blow out candles*

(We all break into laughter.)

Me: “How could you not have known what it was?”

Friend #1: “I don’t know; no one ever told me. So I just took it literally.”

(Friend #2 is taking a sip of tea and then starts choking on it with laughter.)

Friend #1: “It’s not THAT funny.”

Friend #2: “Oh, it is, but that’s not what I’m laughing. I’m just thinking of what a treat you’re in for when your expectation of tea-bagging meets reality.”


Should Have Known Stella Was Trouble

| Canada | Advice

(My friend posted a thing that said pick up the book closest to you and go to page 206, first sentence explains your love life. I figured I may as well try it:)

Page: “There was a pause, and then he blushed and grunted and punched me in the kidneys before running off to flirt with Stella.”

(Well, crap.)


An Ex Rumspringa

| Oslo, Norway | Advice, Exes/Old Flames

(My best friend and I talk to each other on the phone at least once a week, if not more. He and I used to date some years ago, but are now just friends, and are both in happy, fulfilling relationships. A few weeks before this, he had posted a photo of himself on Facebook, where I noted that in his unshaven state, he looked Amish.)

Me: “You really do need to shave though. You look Amish.”

Friend: “I know. You said. Can I just trim, instead of shaving?”

Me: “Sure. As long as you stop looking Amish!”

Friend: “What if I just start wearing a Quaker hat instead, though?”

Me: “I was about to say I’d break up with you, but then I remembered that we’re not actually dating anymore.”

Friend: *laughing* “I don’t think your boyfriend would be too happy about that.”

Me: “Nah, he won’t mind. He’ll probably just laugh when I tell him.”

(Later, I’m telling my boyfriend about the conversation while we chat online.)

Friend: “What’s a Quaker hat?”

Me: “I like that you focus more on that than the fact that I literally forgot that I’m not dating one of my exes.”

(He really has his priorities straight.)


Trying To Offer Some Asian Persuasion

| CA, USA | Advice, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, LGBTQ

(I am out at a gay bar with my boyfriend and his best friend. All of us are white gay males, but live in a part of the country that’s quite ethnically diverse. We’re waiting for one of my exes to arrive, whom I am still on good terms with. My boyfriend’s friend has his Grindr app open, looking around the bar. I catch a glimpse of it.)

Me: “What the h***?!”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “Your profile! It says “No Asians””

Friend: “Yeah, I’m not into Asians.”

Me: “That’s very racist!”

Friend: “How? I just don’t find them attractive.”

Me: “Every single Asian?”

Friend: “Well, not really.”

Me: “So you’ve met every Asian from all over the world, have you?”

Friend: “Of course not, but—”

Me: “Then how can you know there is not a single Asian you find attractive?”

(My boyfriend has heard my voice rising throughout the conversation.)

Boyfriend: “It’s okay, [My Name]. [Friend] isn’t racist.”

Me: “If you make a decision or judgment about someone based solely and entirely on their race, is that a racist decision?”

Boyfriend: “I think what [Friend] means is—”

Me: “Yes or no. Is it a racist decision?”

Boyfriend: “Well… yes. But—”

Me: “There we go, then.”

Friend: “What’s the big deal? I just don’t find Asian guys sexually attractive. It’s a preference, not racism.”

Me: “Okay, then, why is that?”

Friend: “What is what?”

Me: “What is it about Asians that you don’t find desirable?”

Friend: “I don’t know… I just don’t.”

Me: “What about black guys?”

Friend: “Uh…”

Me: “So it’s just white guys you’re into, then?”

Friend: “I guess so. But I’m not racist! I have black friends!”

Me: “And you label them your ‘Black Friends’ do you?”

Boyfriend: “[My Name], chill out!”

Me: “I will not. I am not saying you’re Trump or anything, but you’re perpetuating the ideology that one race is superior to another, in this case, out of sexual prowess. White man is sexy and strong; Asian man is unattractive and weak. I’m telling you this because I want you to look inside and ask yourself why is it you feel this way? Also, I am saving you.”

Friend: “Saving me?! From what?”

Me: “From him.”

(We all turn to see my ex has arrived. A 6 foot, Korean-American body-builder with an amazingly handsome face, at least in my opinion. He comes on over and says hello.)

Ex: “Sorry I’m late. So… what we talking about?”

(I look pointedly at my boyfriend’s friend.)

Friend: “Oh… nothing… uh… So, who wants a round of drinks?”

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