Category: Advice

Love advice is best taken lightly, if at all. Thankfully, our friends and families are armed with truckloads of it!

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Ex-treme Betting

| Reading, MA, USA | Advice, Exes/Old Flames

(At Junior Prom my ex-boyfriend and I finally manage to get over the awkwardness of our breakup and spend the whole time hanging out and dancing together, returning to our original friendship. The next day, my best friend comes up to me.)

Best Friend: “Just wanted to let you know, I won the bet.”

Me: “What bet?”

Best Friend: “Last night, [Friend #1] bet that you and [Ex] would get back together, while [Friend #2] said you wouldn’t.

Me: “Well, then I guess [Friend #2] won.”

Best Friend: “Nope, because I bet that [Ex] would want to get back together, but you wouldn’t, and he would know that and not bring it up because he still wanted to be friends and wouldn’t want to make things awkward, and you’d be oblivious to the fact the whole night.”

Me: “That is way too accurate. Stop that.”

(She was right, but thankfully my ex understood my decision to stay single and we remained friends, and he was even my platonic date to our Senior Prom. It’s nice to have a best friend who notices things you don’t.)

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Mass Defect

| Finland | Advice

(I’m Skyping with my big sister and at some point we find ourselves talking about dating. It’s worth noting that unlike my sister, I’m a huge geek and during this conversation, I’ve been playing a lot of Mass Effect, which is a sci-fi/action RPG where you can romance certain characters.)

Me: “Yeah, I guess it would be great to have a boyfriend but I just haven’t met anyone who I’d be interested in.”

Sister: “Oh, someone like that will come along, don’t you worry.” *jokingly* “Unless you plan to date one of those video game characters.”

Me: “…”

Sister: “[My Name]?”

Me: “I honestly wouldn’t mind Garrus.”

Sister: *sigh* “Who?”

Me: “He’s a romance option in Mass Effect. He’s really sweet and fun and caring… and even more awkward with flirting than I ever expect to be! So, yeah, I’d love a human version of him.”

Sister: “A human version?”

Me: “Yeah, you know, since he’s an alien. We still haven’t found out if Turians exist in our universe, so until we do, human version.”

Sister: *face-palm*

Me: “In my defense, he’s a REALLY good-looking alien!”

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Dating A Real Firestarter

| UK | Advice

(I’m in bed with my girlfriend, with another couple sleeping over on the spare mattress next to me. I am a girl, although the boys treat me like ‘one of the lads.’)

Friend #1: “Aww, [My Name], you should set the mood!”

Me: “What?”

Friend #2: “Isn’t this the first time you’ve slept with [Girlfriend]?”

Me: “Haha, well, I’m not actually sleeping with her; we’re just sleeping in the same bed.”

Friend #1: *lights a candle and sets it on my bedside table, the other side of the bed, then walks back to the spare*

Me: “Whatever, can we go to sleep now?”

Friend #1: “But it’s so romantic!”

Me: “That flame looks really big.” *moves duvet*

Friend #1: “It’s big because romance!”

Me: “It’s big because the duvet is on fire.”

(I put the fire out and went to sleep. What a romantic night!)

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Ignoring The Six Red Flags

| USA | Advice, Exes/Old Flames

(My friend has been in very rocky relationship with a girl who has cheated on him on multiple occasions and he keeps taking her back. After this most recent patch, I’ve been serving as a shoulder to cry on, both literally and figuratively, while, at the same time, trying to encourage him to end it with her for good. He finally hits a point where he’s ready to throw her out when I receive a message from him.)

Friend: “Hey, just letting you know that [Girlfriend] and I are going to Six Flags tomorrow.”

Me: “What?! Just a week ago, you were ready to kick her out, and now you’re going with her to an amusement park?”

Friend: “I know it seems crazy, but I’m trying not to think about things at the moment and just have a good time.”

(I’m annoyed, but decide not to say anything further until the next day when he sends me another message.)

Friend: “[Girlfriend] just won this for me at one of the booths.”

(He sends me a picture of a Superman plushy.)

Me: *head-desk*

(They ended up getting back together only to finally break up six months later over the same issues as last time. This time, thankfully, he wasn’t as broken up about it.)

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Literally Blew Me Away

| London, England, UK | Advice

(Some friends and I are talking about our first relationships, and we get on to the topic of our first times having sex.)

Friend #1: “When he asked for a blow job, I gave him what I thought was one.”

Friend #2: “Oh, god. What did you do?”

Friend #1: “Well, I just held it, and… kinda blew on it.”

Me: “Blew on it?”

Friend #1: “Yeah, like this.” *mimics blowing, like you would blow out candles*

(We all break into laughter.)

Me: “How could you not have known what it was?”

Friend #1: “I don’t know; no one ever told me. So I just took it literally.”

(Friend #2 is taking a sip of tea and then starts choking on it with laughter.)

Friend #1: “It’s not THAT funny.”

Friend #2: “Oh, it is, but that’s not what I’m laughing. I’m just thinking of what a treat you’re in for when your expectation of tea-bagging meets reality.”

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