Category: Advice

Love advice is best taken lightly, if at all. Thankfully, our friends and families are armed with truckloads of it!

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Distant Chance Of A Decent Gift

| England, UK | Advice, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My wife’s sister has an unusual marriage. They are very distant and argue a lot of the time, yet pretend to be “soul mates” on Facebook. We don’t interfere but like to joke in private.)

Wife: “[Sister]’s birthday day is coming up soon. Any ideas?”

Me: “Err, cookbook for one?”

Wife: “No!”

Me: “New door locks?”

Wife: “Seriously?!”

Me: “Oh! Somewhere to bury the body?”

Wife: “Were you going to give me any helpful answers?”

Me: “Er, well, I hadn’t planned on it, no.”

(We ended up buying her a handbag, but I think my ideas were better.)

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Gotta Take It H2-Slowly

| Boston, MA, USA | Advice

(I work in a flower shop. We sell cut flowers and some potted plants. Two young women approach the counter with one small potted cactus each.)

Customer #1: “We’d like these, please. Are they easy to take care of?”

Me: “Yup, they’re very easy going. Just put them in direct sunlight and water them about once a month.”

Customer #1: “Once a month?!”

Me: “That’s right. A lot of people are surprised when they hear that, but you can actually kill a cactus by overwatering it.”

(Customer #1 starts jumping around and clapping.)

Customer #2: “I told her that if she could keep a plant alive for a year, she could have a boyfriend.”

Me: “…I don’t think the point of having a boyfriend is to keep him alive.”

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Teaching Life Lessons

| WA, USA | Advice, Marriage & Partners

(My science teacher is known for talking about the arguments he has with his wife.)

Teacher: “Did I ever tell you what happened over the weekend?”

(All of us shake our heads.)

Teacher: “All right, so, I was at the mall with my wife, and there was this one woman wearing a shirt advertising a band that I know of but couldn’t remember the name. As I was looking at it, my wife saw what I was staring at and assumed I was checking the woman out.”

Student: “What did she say?”

Teacher: “She yelled at me, saying that I can have an appetizer during the day, as long as I was home for dinner.”

(We all burst out laughing.)

Teacher: *smiling amusingly* “And this was before she slapped me with her purse.”

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