Category: Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Handy In A Pinch

| Northern Ireland, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I usually end up going to bed at different times, him always being first. As a light sleeper, whenever I eventually go to bed, he wakes up for a quick cuddle and falls asleep again. This night, he has grabbed both my hands and is holding them close to his chest.)

Boyfriend: *half-asleep* “Night night, babe…”

(I wish him goodnight and lie down, wiggling my hands slightly as I do.)

Boyfriend: *all but yelps in panic* “WAIT! WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY HANDS?!”

(I immediately started laughing and reassured him that he had a normal amount of hands, and the rest belonged to me.)

Mrs. Pac-Man Has Other Appetites

| ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is easily distracted by his phone, cat, or Internet videos. Stories like this happen a lot. We are going to a party later and he has just gotten off the phone with our friend and is about to look up the directions. We also were about to have sex, so we are lying naked in his bed.)

Boyfriend: “Why is the map app asking me to play this game?” *starts playing game*

Me: “What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. It was there so I started playing!”

Me: *looks down at my body and back up to him* “Are you kidding me?!”

Boyfriend: “Oh, right, sorry. Don’t worry. You will always matter more to me than [Female Game Character].” *closes the game and actually looks up the directions before turning back towards me*

Housework Itself Out

| Australia | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Brother’s Girlfriend: “You know, you could help me with this housework.”

Brother: “But we’d be missing an important opportunity.”

Brother’s Girlfriend: “An opportunity for what?”

Brother: “To live in squalor.”

Who Wears It Breast?

| Nottingham, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I have recently bought a Hogwarts logo tee from a clothing retailer; stupidly, I only tried it on when I got home, and found that it was an inch shorter in the torso than I usually like to wear. It’s later the same day, and my boyfriend marches into the kitchen wearing it. Note that he’s about an inch shorter than me and somewhat skinnier, though we have the same body-frame.)

Me: “How does this look better on you than me?!”

Boyfriend: “It’s because you have boobs, dear.”

(His logic can’t really be faulted…)

Looks Like He’s Just Crapped His Panties

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are getting a little frisky one night while lying in bed.)

Me: “I want you so bad, babe.”

Boyfriend: “I want you, too. It’s taking every bit of restraint I have not to rip your pants off, and your panties. And rip off my pants, and my panties—”

(He froze, realizing what he just said, and we both burst out laughing for a good few minutes before getting back to what we were doing.)

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