Category: Boyfriend/Girlfriend

This Whole Thing Was A Mistake

| London, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Punny

(I’ve been bitten by something a lot lately, so I look up what draws mosquitoes in.)

Me: “So apparently mozzies are twice as likely to bite a Type O than a Type A.”

Boyfriend: “So they like mistakes?”

Me: “Huh?”

Boyfriend: “Type O. Typo.”

Me: “Really? That’s just terrible…”

We Know Who Is The Boss In This Relationship

| NC, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’m hanging out with my boyfriend’s family, playing a game on his PS4 while his little nephew tries to pester me. Usually, I only play on my computer or phone. I manage to get to a big boss fight.)

Boyfriend: *picking up his nephew* “Now this one’s really tough, so give ’em all you’ve got.”

(The boss turns out to be bigger and faster than my character, so I have to dart around and look for openings to attack. Finally, I squeak through with just a sliver of health left, having made it in one attempt.)

Boyfriend: “I hate you.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “It took me SIX HOURS to win that fight! How did you just…”

Me: “I’m playing it on easy!”

Boyfriend: *leans in and whispers* “So was I.”

The Ghost Of A Chance Of Getting Some Sleep Tonight

| NM, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I talk in my sleep sometimes. This is one of those times.)

Me: “Ten ghost, twenty ghost. Ten ghost, twenty ghost…”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “Ten ghost, twenty ghost.”

Boyfriend: “What is ‘ten ghost, twenty ghost?'”

Me: “Hold on, let me think.”

Boyfriend: “No, don’t think. Go back to sleep.”

Me: *silently goes back to sleep*

(In the morning he tried asking me what “ten ghost, twenty ghost” meant but I had no memory of the event.)

Quite Verb-ose With The Argument

| UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend is on her laptop, and using a newspaper article I’d been saving to make her optical mouse work better. I lean in to check the article.)

Girlfriend: “Don’t read my mousemat! That’s rude!”

Me: “Maybe don’t mousemat an article I’m saving, then?”

Girlfriend: “…that’s fair.”

Me: “Also, mousemat is a verb now!”

Girlfriend: *gives me a grumpy look*

Me: “Let me guess… I’m not allowed to verb any more?”

Girlfriend: *looks even grumpier*

Me: “Fine, I’ll stop recursing!” *runs away before she can get up and thump me*

They’re Egg-specting

| Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend went out to buy eggs for Pancake Tuesday, but a misfortune has befallen them. He has texted me a somewhat incoherent picture, so I wait until I get home to clarify the situation. Note that I like to make tiny hats for fun, and have a lot of them lying around the flat; I also collect weird and wonderful shot glasses.)

Boyfriend: “The eggs all fell when I was in town. My bag was overloaded!”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Boyfriend: “But one survived.”

(He then shows me ‘Stanislavski’: an egg sitting in a skull shotglass, with a frown drawn onto it, and one of my tiny hats on it.)

Me: “But… why does Stan have a hat?”

(I remove it to reveal the crack.)

Boyfriend: “He survived. He was the only one of his group.”

Me: “So… we’re nursing him back to health?”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “AND WE CAN BE HIS FOSTER PARENTS.”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “WE HAVE A PET EGG!”

Boyfriend:“…”

Me: “Hey, you rescued him.”

(‘Stan’ is still sitting in his little shotglass with his little hat, three days later… Guess we really did adopt him!)

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