Category: Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 18

PA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Zombies

(My boyfriend and I have discussed our zombie apocalypse plans. He’s told me he would try human right away so he had other fresh foods to go with it. We often pretend to be zombies and “chew” on each other. We’re on the phone when this conversation happens.)

Me: “So what was up with you biting me too hard the other day? Trying to see if I was tender enough yet?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! I was!”

Me: “You did elbow me a few times by accident. But maybe it’s not an accident! Maybe you’re intentionally tenderizing me!”

Boyfriend: “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Me: “So if you ever push me down the stairs I’ll know it’s the end. The ultimate tenderization.”

Boyfriend: “Exactly.”

Related:
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 17
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 16
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 15

Blow Off That Date

| CO, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Non-Dialogue

After a fun date, my boyfriend and I are snuggling in his car. His head is on my shoulder, which I think is very sweet and nice.

Suddenly he turns his head and blows his nose into my shoulder! I am mortified, and he just turns back around like it was completely normal. He doesn’t understand why I yell at him for getting snot all over my new dress, acting like it is no big deal.

I walked the rest of the way home.

Orphans Of The South Pole

| Cambridge, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(The branches of a chain store are all closing in Canada, so my boyfriend and I are going to check out the sales. I ended up buying a Snorlax blanket.)

Boyfriend: “So you finally got your Snorlax blanket. And the last one, too.”

Me: “Yup, gotta catch ’em all.”

Boyfriend: “Wait… Does this mean that we’re going to have a closet filled only with Pokémon blankets?”

Me: “Maybe…”

Boyfriend: “But babe! Those blankets could go to freezing children in Africa!”

Me: *raises an eyebrow at him*

Boyfriend: “Wait… Uh, freezing children in… Antarctica!”

Me: “Nice save.”

Your Intelligence Is In The Pits

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are curled up in bed, and the dog jumps up on the bed with us.)

Boyfriend: “[Dog] is licking himself again. He’ll be trying to lick us in a minute.”

(Seconds later.)

Me: *squeal* “He just licked me in the armpit!”

Boyfriend: “Who?”

Me: “…Really?”

Zit It!

| San Jose, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(As some but not all other couples do and despite technically knowing better, my boyfriend and I sometimes take pleasure in popping each other’s zits. He is five years younger than me, and currently has a very large, ripe zit on his lip. When he came home from work, the first thing he told me was ‘I’m saving it for me! It’s not for you!’ We’re now getting settled in for bed.)

Me: “You should pop that. What if you let it go too far and it’s not as satisfying?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, it will be satisfying.”

Me: “But what if it overshoots? I’m just trying to look out for your best interests. You should enjoy that. It’s so promising.”

Boyfriend: “It’s looking at you, isn’t it?”

Me: “I’M JUST TRYING TO HELP. I’M OLD. AND WISE. I TEACH COLLEGE.”

Boyfriend: *laughs*

Me: “POP THAT SUCKER!”