Category: Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Chew Shoe Toy

| Scotland, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Pets & Animals

Me: “Can we get a dog, please, please, please?!”

Boyfriend: “No, it’ll chew all our shoes!”

Me: “We have a shoe cupboard!”

Boyfriend: “You can’t keep a dog in a shoe cupboard!”

Cradle To The Grave

| Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(Being a non-native speaker of English, I confuse my words quite often, especially when I’m hungry. This was one of the best examples of this phenomena. I am just coming out from the ladies’.)

Boyfriend: “Hey.” *points at the guy who is down the hall by now* “I just ran into another guy I was in the Physics department with. I’ve been running into old acquaintances all over the place today.”

Me: “Cool.” *starts teasing* “It’s because you have a lot of past now.”

Boyfriend: “…probably.”

Me: “Yeah. Twenty one years of past. About to be twenty two.”

Boyfriend: “Twenty one? Since when?”

Me: “Since birth. Twenty one years of being alive.”

Boyfriend: “I’m not twenty one.”

Me: “Yes, you are. You haven’t had your birthday ye— THIRTY ONE! Thirty one was what I meant. It was thirty one in my head!”

Boyfriend: *starts laughing* “That’s what I thought. Getting back ten years of my life. That sounds nice. Give me my ten years back, [My Name]. I want to be twenty one again.”

Me: “No!”

Boyfriend: “Why not?”

Me: “I don’t want to be forty! You can’t have my ten years!”

Boyfriend: “I didn’t mean I’d take them from you personally.”

Me: “Oh. Still no.”

Boyfriend: “Why not? You don’t want a young, hot, twenty-year-old boyfriend?”

Me: “Ew, no.”

Boyfriend: “Why not? Some twenty-year-olds can be pretty mature.”

Me: “I don’t want to feel like a grave robber— CRADLE ROBBER! Grave robber is something completely different!”

Boyfriend: *laughs harder* “That’d be dating a really old guy.”

Me: *laughing* “That’d be dating a cradle robber.”

Things Are Going To Be OK(lahoma)

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

My boyfriend and I are on a very long road trip, as I am moving from my hometown in Connecticut to live with him in Oklahoma. One night we stop at a gas station to refuel and use the restroom.

There’s a very disheveled man in the little (closed) restaurant area of the station. When we come through the doors he gets up and starts talking to us, and being a very anxious person it makes me a little uncomfortable. My boyfriend just tells me to go to the bathroom, so I do.

When I come out, my boyfriend is sitting in a booth with the man, who is happily talking to him about nothing in particular. He is clearly not all there mentally, but harmless; he just doesn’t have anywhere to go. When I come to the booth he is very excitedly talking to my boyfriend about his boots.

My boyfriend chats with him for a while, but tells him we have to get going. He looks sad — my boyfriend was probably the first person to actually engage him in conversation for a while — until my boyfriend hands him a fifty and tells him to get something to eat and maybe a place to stay for the night. The man looks about to cry, he is so happy.

If I had any doubts about moving halfway across the country for that man, that pretty much banished them all.

He’s since started working in juvenile mental health, and is the favorite staff of a lot of troubled kids.

Let’s Hope That Came Out Wrong

| Novi Sad, Serbia | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Me: “What would you do if I died?”

Boyfriend: “I would build a school in your name and everybody would learn, create, and build, and your name would never be forgotten.”

Me: “So, you’d never remarry?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “You’d never find a new girlfriend?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “And what would you do for sex?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’d have a whole school…”

Softly Realizing

| AZ, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are sitting at home, trying to find something to watch. He opens up our HBO app on the television and scrolls down to the Late Night section.)

Boyfriend: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s soft porn.”

Boyfriend: “Oh…. Oh, my god, I didn’t know they had this on here!”

Me: “Soft porn is so boring, though.”

Boyfriend: “I know. I’m just looking. Hey, it’s [Random Actress I’ve never heard of]!”

Me: *looks slowly over at him* “How do you know that?”

Boyfriend: “Oh… uh… she’s just an actress I like.”

Me: “From?”

Boyfriend: *guilty grin* “Porn.”

(To be honest, I don’t have a problem with porn and my boyfriend knows it. But while he knows a LOT more names of actresses and actors than I do, I just wasn’t aware his knowledge stretched that far.)