Category: Boyfriend/Girlfriend


Your Problems Are Getting Horn In The Tooth

| Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’m on the couch snuggled up with my boyfriend, when he gets a look of pain on his face concerned. I turn to look at him.)

Me: “Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “I’m horny and my tooth hurts.”

Me: “First world problems…”


Chewing The Fat With The One You Love

| Tampa, FL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’ve been gaining a little weight lately and have been sensitive about it. My boyfriend and I are splitting a chicken meal at the mall food court.)

Me: *removing a fatty piece of chicken from my mouth* “Ugh. Bad piece.”

Boyfriend: “This is nice. I’ve really missed eating this chicken.”

Me: *removing another fatty piece from my mouth* “Another one!”

Boyfriend: “Aww, I’m sorry you keep getting fat.”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “Wow… um… that sounded bad, didn’t it?”

(Of course I knew what he meant, and we both had a pretty good laugh about it.)


Nurture Versus Terrifying Nature

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I were talking about future children and parenting styles. I am extremely arachnophobic and he is aware of this.)

Boyfriend: “Would you love our kid if they were gay?”

Me: “Of course.”

Boyfriend: “Would you love them if they were an atheist?”

Me: “Sure.”

Boyfriend: “Would you love them if they were an entomologist–” *someone who studies insects* “–with a specialty in arachnids?”

Me: *opens mouth, then slowly closes it and lapses into a long period of silence as he laughs*


As Long As It’s Not A ‘Game Of Thrones’ Themed Wedding

| Vacation | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Marriage & Partners

(My boyfriend and I have been traveling, and we’re relaxing a bit before heading out for the evening. We’re discussing the most interesting weddings we’ve heard about or been invited to. It’s worth noting that ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ is my all-time favorite book, as he well knows.)

Boyfriend: “One of my friends had a zombie wedding that was pretty cool. When they cut the cake, raspberry syrup blood oozed out.”

Me: “Nice! One of my theatre-geek friends had a Les Miserables wedding – you had to steal the bread and silverware at the reception, and a bunch of people piled up all the chairs and started singing.”

Boyfriend: “That’s pretty cool. I like the idea of literary-themed weddings.”

Me: “Ooooh, Count of Monte Cristo wedding!”

Boyfriend: “NO! We know how that one goes! It starts with the groom getting falsely arrested halfway through the ceremony, and it ends thirty years later with all the wedding guests dead, insane, or disgraced!”

Me: “Hmm, true. Maybe not then.”

Boyfriend:Midsummer Night’s Dream wedding?”

Me: “Only if it doesn’t actually involve being drugged and lost in the woods.”


Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 3

| San Luis Obispo, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and take daily medication for it. I keep a bottle of my pills at my boyfriend’s house for night’s that I spend there. This conversation occurs over text at the end of a week in which I’ve forgotten to take my medication every night that I’ve spent at his place.)

Me: “Let it be known that henceforth and forever more, you, [Boyfriend], shall be in charge of ensuring that I, [My Name], have taken my anxiety meds prior to becoming superiorly unconscious on such nights as I slumber in your abode.”

Boyfriend: “O… kay?”

Me: “Do you accept this responsibility?”

Boyfriend: “Aye, milady.”

Me: “This is pleasing. You have spared yourself the wrath of The Girlfriend, earned 500 experience, and unlocked the ability ‘Bounty.’ This is a daily power that enables you to receive a free kiss upon reminding The Girlfriend to take her meds. Should She complain, you make an immediate interrupt for a second kiss. If The Girlfriend remembers on her own, the kiss for reminding Her is forfeit. However, you may request a kiss with a DC of 7.”

Boyfriend: “Is this a check that I can take 20 on?”

Me: “The maximum modifier you may have on this check is 3. Currently, your modifier is 0. You must spend points in that category for a higher modifier.”

Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 2
Gaining Sexperience Points