Category: Boyfriend/Girlfriend

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Opening Bottles Made In A ‘Great Old’ Year

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I am not a very tidy person and many things in my home are out of order. One night when my boyfriend is staying over, he finds my Cthulhu bottle opener on the bedside table.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, were you missing Cthulhu?”

Me: “I am never missing Cthulhu. He is ever present in our lives, in the nameless dread that hovers over us all.”

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How To Soup Up Your Sex Life

| FL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(Several months ago there was a sale on soup at a local grocery store and my boyfriend came home with 99 cans of the soup. I have never let him live this down, and we still have most of them stored in cupboards because I don’t care for that brand of soup – so it’s become kind of an inside joke. My boyfriend and I are lying in bed cuddling.)

Me: *lovingly stroking my boyfriend’s head* “What are you thinking about?”

Boyfriend: *bluntly* “Sex.”

Me: *laughing* “I’m not really in the mood at the moment, sorry. I’m kind of hungry and I want a snack.”

Boyfriend: *starts laughing* “There’s soup!”

(We both crack up laughing, which oddly puts me in the mood because the bonding over the inside joke surpasses my appetite. I inform him of this, which of course makes him happy, so I roll on top of him and we start making out. As we turn up the heat, I try something “down there” that I haven’t done to him before. He is clearly enjoying it.)

Me: “So, you like that, huh?”

Boyfriend: *squirming and giggling* “Oh, yeah!”

Me: *seductively* “How much?”

Boyfriend: *through giggles of pleasure* “Almost as much as you like soup.”

(We both had to take a laugh-break for a couple of minutes after that, but we managed to finish shortly thereafter. While we were cuddling afterwards, I praised him on his ability to crack an awesome joke and make me laugh during sexy time.)

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Only A Jedi May Enter…

| London, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(It’s Sunday morning, and I am getting dressed in the bedroom while boyfriend is preparing breakfast in the kitchen. I realise that I not only gained weight around my tummy and hips, but that my breasts have also grown significantly)

Me: “My boobs have grown drastically…”

Boyfriend: “Where did they come from?”

Me: “No idea…”

Boyfriend: *mishearing* “What, Darth Vader?! Are they his spare helmets or something?”

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The Grinch Who Changed Christmas… Again

| San Jose, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Fights/Breakups

(Some friends at work and I had recently discussed what we’re getting for our significant others for the holidays — I explained that as we’re onto our eighth Christmas together, my boyfriend and I stopped exchanging gifts a while back. About a week later I’m talking to one of them about the same topic; he hates the holidays but it’s his girlfriend’s favorite time of the year.)

Coworker: “She changed her mind about what she wants again. We were talking about it and I told her, ‘You know, [My Name] and [Boyfriend] don’t get each other anything and they’re perfectly happy!'”

Me: *laughing* “NO!”

Coworker: “Yeah, she got hella mad.”

Me: “I could’ve told you that would happen.”

Coworker: “I should’ve known better. So then I asked her to pay for my next tattoo as her present to me and she said ‘Sure! What are you getting?’ And I told her… The Grinch. She was like, ‘F*** you!'”

Me: *laughing*

Coworker: “So THEN she starts going on about how someday she’ll teach me to love the holidays as much as she does. So I told her ‘Well, if that happens, they just can ink over him so his heart grows three sizes, right?’ And she yelled ‘F*** YOU!’ again.”

Me: “You didn’t handle this very well.”

Coworker: “I really didn’t. Now she’s getting jewelry for Christmas.”

Me: “Until she changes her mind again?”

Coworker: “YES. THANK YOU.”

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Not Bready For This Relationship

| Sunnyvale, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(We’re getting what we need at the grocery store, but unlike usual we aren’t working off a list because we only need a few things. We tend to run things by each other whether we need to or not.)

Me: “Soup’s the only other thing we need, right?”

Boyfriend: “Yep! Ooh, and can I get more bread?”

Me: “Didn’t you just buy bread yesterday?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but I already ate about a third of the loaf. Apparently I go through it pretty quickly.”

Me: “Okay! I mean, regardless, you could still get bread. I’m not so mean that I’d tell you you’re NOT allowed to have bread.”

(Later we’re loading groceries in the car and I’m talking about making a stop to get tea.)

Boyfriend: “Sure! And I can get chocolate milk. I mean, that’s okay, right?”

Me: “Fiiiine. Jeez, you want bread AND chocolate milk? You’re so demanding lately. Weren’t we just talking about how we don’t get each other anything for Christmas? What happened to that? Now you want bread AND chocolate milk! Ugh. So needy.”