Category: Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Quite Verb-ose With The Argument

| UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend is on her laptop, and using a newspaper article I’d been saving to make her optical mouse work better. I lean in to check the article.)

Girlfriend: “Don’t read my mousemat! That’s rude!”

Me: “Maybe don’t mousemat an article I’m saving, then?”

Girlfriend: “…that’s fair.”

Me: “Also, mousemat is a verb now!”

Girlfriend: *gives me a grumpy look*

Me: “Let me guess… I’m not allowed to verb any more?”

Girlfriend: *looks even grumpier*

Me: “Fine, I’ll stop recursing!” *runs away before she can get up and thump me*

They’re Egg-specting

| Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend went out to buy eggs for Pancake Tuesday, but a misfortune has befallen them. He has texted me a somewhat incoherent picture, so I wait until I get home to clarify the situation. Note that I like to make tiny hats for fun, and have a lot of them lying around the flat; I also collect weird and wonderful shot glasses.)

Boyfriend: “The eggs all fell when I was in town. My bag was overloaded!”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Boyfriend: “But one survived.”

(He then shows me ‘Stanislavski’: an egg sitting in a skull shotglass, with a frown drawn onto it, and one of my tiny hats on it.)

Me: “But… why does Stan have a hat?”

(I remove it to reveal the crack.)

Boyfriend: “He survived. He was the only one of his group.”

Me: “So… we’re nursing him back to health?”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “AND WE CAN BE HIS FOSTER PARENTS.”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “WE HAVE A PET EGG!”

Boyfriend:“…”

Me: “Hey, you rescued him.”

(‘Stan’ is still sitting in his little shotglass with his little hat, three days later… Guess we really did adopt him!)

Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 18

PA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Zombies

(My boyfriend and I have discussed our zombie apocalypse plans. He’s told me he would try human right away so he had other fresh foods to go with it. We often pretend to be zombies and “chew” on each other. We’re on the phone when this conversation happens.)

Me: “So what was up with you biting me too hard the other day? Trying to see if I was tender enough yet?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! I was!”

Me: “You did elbow me a few times by accident. But maybe it’s not an accident! Maybe you’re intentionally tenderizing me!”

Boyfriend: “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Me: “So if you ever push me down the stairs I’ll know it’s the end. The ultimate tenderization.”

Boyfriend: “Exactly.”

Related:
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 17
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 16
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 15

Blow Off That Date

| CO, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Non-Dialogue

After a fun date, my boyfriend and I are snuggling in his car. His head is on my shoulder, which I think is very sweet and nice.

Suddenly he turns his head and blows his nose into my shoulder! I am mortified, and he just turns back around like it was completely normal. He doesn’t understand why I yell at him for getting snot all over my new dress, acting like it is no big deal.

I walked the rest of the way home.

Orphans Of The South Pole

| Cambridge, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(The branches of a chain store are all closing in Canada, so my boyfriend and I are going to check out the sales. I ended up buying a Snorlax blanket.)

Boyfriend: “So you finally got your Snorlax blanket. And the last one, too.”

Me: “Yup, gotta catch ’em all.”

Boyfriend: “Wait… Does this mean that we’re going to have a closet filled only with Pokémon blankets?”

Me: “Maybe…”

Boyfriend: “But babe! Those blankets could go to freezing children in Africa!”

Me: *raises an eyebrow at him*

Boyfriend: “Wait… Uh, freezing children in… Antarctica!”

Me: “Nice save.”