Category: Dating

My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy


He’s Not A (House)Keeper

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Dating

(I am tentatively flirting online with a guy who has commented on my writing-themed blog. I think we are getting along well, until I mention that the combination of my fairly low-level office job and the work involved in keeping up with my house has left me less time for writing than I might like.)

Him: “Why don’t you just hire a housekeeper?”

(I was never so grateful NOT to be face to face with someone. Hire a housekeeper? On a cubicle worker’s salary? I’m more likely to hire out AS a housekeeper to try and pay down some debts! Flirting ended rather quickly after that little exchange…)


Teas Of The Stoneage

| KY, USA | Dating, Popular

(It is during a football game and, both being in the marching band, my girlfriend and I are attending. We are standing around talking during a break. As it is November, it is around 45 degrees outside. I am a huge fan of metal and hard rock, while she is not.)

Me: “D***, it’s so cold tonight. I’m going to make a huge cup of hot tea when I get home.”

Girlfriend: “You drink tea?”

Me: “Why is that so much of a surprise to you?”

Girlfriend: “Because you were just sitting in the stands listening to Slipknot and Hollywood Undead. You really don’t seem like you’d like tea.”

Me: “What difference does it make if I’m a metalhead or not?”

Girlfriend: “It doesn’t. I just assumed you hated tea.”

(Several minutes pass.)

Girlfriend: “What else do you do that I’m not aware of?”

Me: “That’s really it. I like tea. Tea is life.”


Will Suddenly Find Himself Out-Of-Date

| USA | Dating, Popular

(I was asked out on a date by a guy that seemed a bit weird, but perfectly normal. For some reason, maybe nervousness, he starts talking nonstop.)

Date: *discussing adult films*

Me: “That’s not appropriate.”

Date: *starts talking his bed habits*

Me: “That’s nice?”

Date: *gets out phone and starts reciting lyrics at me*

Me: “Please stop.”

(Thankfully the food comes, but my date started wolfing it down with his hands like a dog, burping and farting loudly, STILL talking.)

Date: “We should go to a hotel together.”

Me: “Are you serious? Yeah, I’m going to go.”

Date: “Why? Don’t you think I’m hot?”

Me: “No.” *leaves*

(He had the nerve to text me, asking for numbers of any of my single girlfriends! I stayed away from dating men for a while after that. Maybe he was trying to amuse me, but I wasn’t amused…)


Mother Is Trying To Rent Them Apart

| USA | Dating, Family/Kids, Popular

(I’ve been with my boyfriend for ten months. Due to issues with his prior roommate he moved back to his mom’s house with his sister, cousin, stepdad, stepsister, and her boyfriend,. Around two months ago I pretty much moved in. Although none of us ever really discussed it, it just became accepted that I was sleeping over every night. Knowing that she’s having a tough month financially we approach her and I offer to start paying rent. She decides to up HIS rent and then demand that I match it, essentially tripling her income. The following argument ensued with me still in the room. It should be noted his ex used to live there with him while she was carless, jobless, and “pregnant.”)

Boyfriend: “Don’t you think that’s a bit much? She drives me to work every day and she really doesn’t use that much extra.”

His Mom: “It sounds pretty fair to me. Besides we agreed no one else was moving in.”

Boyfriend: “What are you talking about?”

His Mom: “Well, after all the issues with the LAST one I thought we made an agreement.”

Boyfriend: “You can’t be serious! Everyone here likes her, she works full time plus has a side job, she owns her car, she’s been getting me to work every day. AND she’s not a stray like the last one was!”


Ruining More Than Just Songs

| Beloit, WI, USA | Dating

(My girlfriend and I have been trading some sexy banter over text at work.)

Girlfriend: “I want you.”

Me: “To want me.”

Girlfriend: “Ruined.”

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