Category: Dating

My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

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Ranger Danger!

| Glens Falls, NY, USA | Dating

(I am on a first date with a guy. As the US invasions in Iraq and Afghanistan have only recently occurred, our talk turns to patriotism and military service. To preface this, a person I knew well had been an Army Ranger.)

Date: “I served! I was an Army Ranger!”

Me: *instantly suspicious* “Oh? Are you tabbed or scrolled?”

Date: *confused* “What? I said I was a Ranger.”

Me: “ANY person who served as, or attempted to become a Ranger knows those terms. So, no, you weren’t. Take me home.”

(He continued protesting, becoming very angry when I refused to believe him. There definitely was not a second date. I loathe military impersonators/glory thieves. But I will give him points for not going the clichéd route and claiming SEAL or Green Beret…)

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Killed The Chance Of A Second Date

| USA | Dating, Popular

(I’m a female in my mid-20s and until this I had never been on a date in person, just some very awkward Skype dates with a different guy. This happens in the middle of dinner and I’m running out of stuff to talk about.)

Me: “So, anything weird happen to you lately?”

Guy: “Well… a few months ago I had to deal with a stalker.”

Me: *a little too enthusiastically* “Really? I’ve been studying stalkers and serial killers.”

(Pretty sure I know why there wasn’t a second date.)

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A Bath Full Of Shut Up

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I just finished eating dinner at a Chinese food restaurant and are reading our fortunes.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, what does yours say?”

Me: “’There is no sorrow in the world that a hot bath wouldn’t help, just a little bit.’ I don’t buy that. If someone I care about dies, I really don’t think a hot bath will make me feel much better.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Me: “What about yours?”

Boyfriend: “’Sometimes silence is the loudest kind of noise.’”

Me: “I guess that could be true.”

Boyfriend: “…My fortune cookie just told me to shut up.”

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