Category: Engaged

Engagement can be a bit like romantic purgatory for some, but at least you get to test drive a ring.

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It’s De-Cider-ed

| Kelowna, BC, Canada | Engaged, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My partner and I are engaged, but she remains ambivalent about the whole “wedding” idea.)

Partner: “Why? We’re technically married already; we’ve been common law for two years. And we’re polyamorous atheists; feels a bit hollow to go through all the pageantry.”

Me: “I just love you so much and I want to have the ceremony and make it official, with the people we love and all.”

Partner: “I love you too, but it’s so much hassle. I’ve never wanted the white dress and all that crap.”

Me: *playing my ace* “I looked it up, and they do weddings at [Her Favourite Ciderworks].”

(Her face freezes. Then it goes through a truly incredible series of expressions, including eye-twitching and rapid blinking; it’s like a human blue screen of death while her feelings duke it out.)

Me: “Honey?”

Partner: “I’ll, uh… I’ll think about it.”

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Periodically, Men Get It Just Right

| MA, USA | Engaged, Popular

(I’m explaining to my fiancé why I believe “feminine” products should be covered by insurance.)

Me: “It’s not fair that we have to pay for them! Just imagine how much extra money you would be spending if you had to pay to deal with a five-to-seven day bleeding episode.”

Fiancé: “Yeah, you’re right. But men have to deal with all the other inconvenient things about being male that women don’t need to worry about.”

Me: “Such as…?”

Fiancé: *deadpan* “Absolutely nothing.”

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They’ve Been (Intimi)Dating For Too Long

| Engaged, Popular

(I’m very tired and have gotten pretty silly. My fiancé decides to put me to bed but discovers he has to stay with me to keep me there. I have just pretended to try to bite him. He doesn’t react.)

Me: *pouts* “I’m too much of a kitten to be very intimidating, aren’t I?”

Fiancé: “Yeah. You’re a kitten at your MOST intimidating.”

Me: *pauses to contemplate* “What am I at my least intimidating?”

Fiancé: “A plankton?”

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