Category: Family/Kids

Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

Mom Wants You To Live In A Bubble (Tea)

| San Jose, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Family/Kids

(My mother has always been the super-paranoid, neurotic, helicopter parent type. When I was younger, she would regularly do things like sending e-mails telling me not to hit deer when driving, or not to run over children on bicycles, or leave notes telling me all the different ways I could ensure I wouldn’t burn the house down when they were on vacation. She wasn’t being snarky – she legitimately thought these were rational tips to be giving as a parent, and if she hadn’t told me to watch out for these specific pitfalls all those awful things would have happened. I am now in my thirties, but she still frequently offers these ‘helpful’ life tips. My boyfriend and I are drinking bubble tea: drinks with large tapioca pearls. I say something and he starts to laugh, then begins coughing.)

Me: “ARE YOU CHOKING ON ONE OF THE PEARLS?”

Boyfriend: *nods while now laughing at my panicked reaction*

Me: “YOU CAN’T DIE THIS WAY! This is another one of those ridiculous things my mom always said! EVERY TIME we had bubble tea she would remind us to be careful because we could choke on the pearls and die!”

Boyfriend: *still coughing so I know he’s breathing, but laughing even harder which isn’t helping his situation*

Me: “IF YOU DIE THIS WAY SHE WILL THINK SHE WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING EVER. WE CANNOT HAVE THAT. THAT WOULD BE ALMOST AS BAD AS YOU DYING!”

Boyfriend: *still coughing* “NO! Don’t worry! I REFUSE to die this way!”

Me: “I mean you being dead would be worse, but her thinking she’s been justified all this time would be second-worst.”

(He didn’t die. My mom never has to know this happened.)

A Completely Different B****

| CA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

(My sister is over for the holidays and complaining about her boyfriend who hasn’t talked to her in two days. She knows that he’s been talking to other people so she’s pretty pissed. Note: He’s in another country.)

Sister: “Oh, my f***ing gosh, I swear I’ll go over there and beat the crap out of him! I f***ing hate him so much!”

(The dog comes over for a pet.)

Sister: *in a cutesy voice* “Aww herro pwetty girl! I wuv you!”

Me: “…that change in attitude.”

Mother Is Trying To Rent Them Apart

| USA | Dating, Family/Kids, Popular

(I’ve been with my boyfriend for ten months. Due to issues with his prior roommate he moved back to his mom’s house with his sister, cousin, stepdad, stepsister, and her boyfriend,. Around two months ago I pretty much moved in. Although none of us ever really discussed it, it just became accepted that I was sleeping over every night. Knowing that she’s having a tough month financially we approach her and I offer to start paying rent. She decides to up HIS rent and then demand that I match it, essentially tripling her income. The following argument ensued with me still in the room. It should be noted his ex used to live there with him while she was carless, jobless, and “pregnant.”)

Boyfriend: “Don’t you think that’s a bit much? She drives me to work every day and she really doesn’t use that much extra.”

His Mom: “It sounds pretty fair to me. Besides we agreed no one else was moving in.”

Boyfriend: “What are you talking about?”

His Mom: “Well, after all the issues with the LAST one I thought we made an agreement.”

Boyfriend: “You can’t be serious! Everyone here likes her, she works full time plus has a side job, she owns her car, she’s been getting me to work every day. AND she’s not a stray like the last one was!”

I Love You From Your Head To Your Toes

| New Zealand | Advice, Family/Kids, Popular

(I have hurt my back and cannot do many things for myself, as bending or moving hurts. I am telling my mother about how sweet my boyfriend has been, including helping me shower. It should also be noted that I have been a dancer most of my life, and have the resulting messed up toes.)

Me: “[Boyfriend] was lovely, helping me shower. He washed my hair and even scrubbed between my toes!”

Mum: “He went near YOUR toes? That’s true commitment right there! Marry him already!”

He Knows The “Rest”

| AB, Canada | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(One Sunday afternoon, my husband and I sneak upstairs for some “alone time” while our nine-year-old son is blissfully plugged into Minecraft. As we are “finishing,” we hear him come thumping up the stairs and banging on our bedroom door; the door’s locked.)

Son: “Mom? Dad?”

Me: “Yes?”

Son: “I’m going outside to play.” *pauses* “Are you guys ‘resting’? *he emphasizes the word resting*

Husband: “Yes. Yes, we are.”

Son: “Just so you know, I’m doing finger quotes when I say ‘resting.’” *he emphasizes the word resting again*

(Cue much laughter from both my husband and me.)

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