Category: Flirting

God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool. – Victor Hugo

He Stuck The Landing

| CT, USA | Flirting, Young Love

(My senior year, in English class, as an assignment and ice breaker, our teacher assigns us to bring in an item to use as a metaphor for ourselves. The two most notable ones were my friend’s and his crush’s.)

Girl: *holds up duct tape* “I brought in duct tape because it holds things together just like how I connect my friends. It’s not very pretty, but it gets the job done. Just like me.”

(A bunch of other people present until…)

Friend: *holds up super glue* “I brought in glue because it can build or fix things if you try hard enough like I do.”

(Almost everyone forgets about these metaphors come prom season, when during lunch he comes up to the table where she’s eating with the dorkiest grin on his face. On the side are our other friends and I, as we’re recording all of this going down.)

Boy: *facing Girl* “[Girl], if you’re tape, and I’m glue, then will you stick together with me at Prom?”

Girl: “Oh, my gods, yes!” *she hugs him before looking at the sign properly, and she takes it and shows it to everyone while laughing*

(The sign? It was the word ‘PROM?’ spelled out in duct tape with glue squiggles as a frame.)

Has His Own Private Reasons

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Flirting

(A coworker runs up to me, looking scared.)

Coworker: “[My Name], a guy just asked me where he could find a private room and I told him I don’t swing that way. Why does everyone think I’m gay? Is it my hair?”

Coworker #2: “Is that the guy asking you for a private room?” *points to young man with baby and stroller*

Coworker: “Yeah, what a creep!”

Me: “You didn’t think he was asking so he could change the baby’s diaper or something?”

Coworker: “Oh… you think so?”

flirting

Those Texts Are Coming Out Thick And Fast

| England, UK | Flirting, LGBTQ

(My friend sends me several messages in the night while I’m sleeping. In the morning I look through them.)

Friend: “I’m like a bumblebee. I have a sting that will leave you aching for hours, and my nectar is sweet.”

Friend: “I’m like Michelangelo’s David, buff and hard.”

Friend: “I want to be inside of you, cuddling into your neck and exploding.”

Friend: “Oh, f***! Sorry, these were meant for [Mutual Male Friend with similar name].”

Me: “So… did you just come out to me?”

Friend: “F***!”

That Would Be On Aisle Never

| Denver, CO, USA | Flirting

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find something?”

Me: “Sure, what are you looking for?”

Customer: “Your phone number.”

Me: “You’ll find it in your dreams, honey.”

Re-orient Your Request

| England, UK | Flirting, LGBTQ

(I’m eating lunch with some friends when I girl I’ve never met before comes up to me.)

Girl: “Hi! My sister thinks you’re hot!”

Me: “Oh? Thank you.”

Girl: “Do you think she’s hot?” *points at her*

Me: “No.”

Girl: *sounding hurt* “No? You didn’t even look!”

Me: “I don’t need to. I’m gay.”

Girl: “OH… What about my brother.” *point at guy next to “sister”*

Me: “…”

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