Category: Flirting/How We Met

God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool. – Victor Hugo

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I Think It Would Be Best If You Cleave

| MI, USA | Flirting/How We Met

(I am a bartender at a restaurant that has a lot of regular customers. I work mostly at night, and most of the regular bar customers are older men who often hit on staff and make inappropriate and sexist comments. Some examples of things customers have said to me: “You should be a kept a woman. Someone should take you away and take care of you.” “You have beautiful lips.” “You have a beautiful clavicle.” “I like watching your back while you work.” Once a customer didn’t even say anything, just looked me up and down and made a humping motion. This one was directed at my coworker, who was expo and food-runner for the night.)

Coworker: *setting the customer’s food on the bar* “Here is your pasta, sir.”

Customer: *leaning forward and leering* “I just wanted to tell you, you have really beautiful cleavage.”

(My coworker gives him a “F*** You” look and walks back to the kitchen. I just stand there speechless.)

Customer: *looks at me* “Was that inappropriate?”

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Don’t Date Furries

| USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(My roommate works for a high-end furrier, mostly handling the pieces that they store for customers during the warm months, but she also does some sales. She never uses her customers’ names, but she’ll use “code names” for them sometimes if she’s had a really weird or rough day and needs to talk about it.)

Roommate: *comes into the apartment, very irritated* “You won’t believe what happened today!”

Me: “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Roommate: “Well, Mr. Lawyer came in today to pick up his wife’s coat out of storage.”

(“Mr. Lawyer” is a customer they’ve had for years, and every Christmas he’ll buy both his wife and his *girlfriend* identical pieces from the furrier, so he won’t “mix them up.” My roommate hates waiting on him, but her boss says it isn’t their business who he buys furs for, he’s been a loyal customer, etc. So, she deals with it.)

Me: “What, he wasn’t picking something up for the girlfriend, too?”

Roommate: “No, but he ordered new pieces for both of them.” *she makes a face* “And THEN he actually asked me if there was anything in the shop that I wanted!”

Me: “What?!”

Roommate: “Yeah! He’s, like, twenty years older than me, he’s got a wife AND a girlfriend, who he knows I help him buy presents for every year, by the way, and he was STILL trying to offer me an expensive fur coat in exchange for who-knows-what!”

Me: “Wow… What did you say?”

Roommate: “At first I didn’t know what to do, then I just blurted out the first thing that

popped into my head.”

Me: “Which was…?”

Roommate: “I said I was a member of PETA, and I didn’t wear fur.”

Me: *I stared at her for a minute until we both laughed a little* “Did he believe you?”

Roommate: “I think so. He didn’t say anything else about it.”

Me: “So you’re supposed to be a member of PETA, but you work for a furrier?”

Roommate: “I could always be working undercover.”

Me: “Right…”

(Mr. Lawyer continues to buy identical presents each year, but he hasn’t tried hitting on my roommate again.)

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Looking For Love In All The Wrong Ubers

| Chicago, IL, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I pick up a woman in downtown Chicago while driving for a ride share service. She makes small talk as we approach her condo, late in the evening.)

Customer: “So I imagine that you have long days?”

Me: “Sometimes, but I generally only do this part time.”

Customer: “Are you going to be done driving after my trip?”

Me: “Not really. I was planning on a couple more hours.”

Customer: *as I park in front of her address* “Well, you could come up if you want. I’ve had a long day and am looking for something to distract me.” *indicates her admittedly very nice looking condo*

Me: “Thanks, but I’m good.”

(I scratch the back of my head with my left hand in order to show my wedding ring.)

Customer: “Are you sure? I really need some company and it would be a lot of fun.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m good. And I’m pretty sure my wife is sure as well. I hope you have a pleasant evening, though.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re sure, but you can always come back as you know where I live now.”

Me: *somewhat speechless and just hoping she’ll leave without a fuss*

Customer: “Okay…” *leaves after spending a few more seconds staring at me through the rear view mirror*

(I don’t know if I got rated lower for refusing her “request.”)

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Caught Red-Headed

| USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I work in a jewelry store that sells a popular brand of “create-it-yourself” bracelets. There are hundreds of beads to choose from, so it can take some time to put one together. One day, a man who appears to be in his late-50s comes in and wants to make a bracelet for his wife for their anniversary. Note: I have recently dyed red my naturally light brown hair.)

Me: *after nearly an hour of helping him pick out beads and stringing them onto the bracelet* “This is a really great start! And the best part is she’ll be able to keep adding on for other special occasions.”

Customer: “That’s great, that’s great…” *he looks around and sees there’s no one else at the counter with us* “You know, you’re very pretty.”

Me: *internal sigh* “Thank you. Did you want this gift-wrapped?”

Customer: *leans farther onto the counter and grins* “Can I tell you, I’ve always loved redheads.”

Me: “That’s funny; my hair color is fake. Is your wife a redhead?”

Customer: *slinks back* “I… uh… no, she’s not.”

Me: *feigned innocence* “Oh, I thought that was why you mentioned it! So, would you like this gift-wrapped?”

Customer: “Uh… yeah.”

(I rang him up and he left with his wife’s anniversary present. I’d like to say this is a rare occurrence, but unfortunately it isn’t. I don’t know what it is that makes some men, particularly men of that age range, think they can hit on another woman while shopping for their “wives.” Yeah, like I’m going to ignore the fact that I’m helping you pick out a gift for your spouse. Good luck with that.)

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Comatose Morose

| Salem, OR, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I work in a department store. One day I am folding sweaters when an old man with a cane comes and grabs my arm and turns me around.)

Man: “I just woke up from a coma, and I can make you the happiest woman on the planet.”

Me: “Uh. Thank you?” *what am I supposed to tell him?*

(He then follows me around everywhere. He buys a woman’s sweater just so I can check him out. He tells me how rich he is, as he’s buying a clearance sweater for $5. He gives me his phone number and holds the line up for 15 minutes. I repeatedly tell him that I need to assist other customers. He pries and pries.)

Man: “Don’t call me after nine. That’s my bedtime.”

Customer Behind Him: “Guy, she’s not interested. Go away. I need to buy this for my wife.”

(He hobbled off and I gave the other customer a small discount. For the next month this old man came by and tried to find me. I felt like a kid again, hiding behind the displays and in the circle racks. He finally moved onto one of my other coworkers, who I still pray for.)

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