Category: Friends With Benefits

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Cheesy Love

| USA | Friends With Benefits

(I’m texting with my best friend from our respective houses during our fall break. She’s eating lunch, and I’m hanging out with my guy friend who is slightly more than just a friend. Note: As a running joke, I randomly bite him gently on his chest or arm when we cuddle.)

Me: “What are you up to?”

Best Friend: “Lounging in my bed with pizza. You?”

Me: “Lounging in my bed with [Guy Friend].”

Best Friend: “Better than pizza?”

Me: “Hold on, haha. I’ll ask him.”

(In person:)

Me: “Babe, are you better than pizza?”

Guy Friend: “Same thing.”

Me: *confused* “Um… what?”

Guy Friend: “We’re both warm and cheesy… and you bite us both!”

(I started laughing and relayed the information to my best friend, who agreed it was pretty accurate. For the record, I do like him slightly more than pizza!)

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Beneficial Language

| Tampa, FL, USA | Friends With Benefits

(I’ve been friends with benefits with this guy for a while, and I knew I was catching feelings for him. I didn’t think the feelings were mutual, so I broke it off with him. Long story short, we were both devastated by the split and avoided each other for a few weeks until he came to my apartment and confessed his love for me. After hours of talking, I walked him to his car. Neither of us are touchy feely.)

Me: *kissing him goodbye* “I love you.”

FWB: “I love you, too.”

FWB: *eyes widen in realization* “Good god, we say that now don’t we?”

Me: “I f****** love you, you stupid piece of s***. Better?”

FWB: *smiling* “Much better.”

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Femininity Is Not In Her Jeans

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Friends With Benefits, Popular

(I used to be involved with this guy, but now we’re just friends. It should be noted that I’m not a particularly feminine woman.)

Guy: “What’d you get up to this weekend?”

Me: “Went to the beach. Got a bit of a burn, too – my bikini rode down and now I’ve got a line across my back.”

Guy: “Somehow I still have trouble picturing you in a bikini.”

Me: “You’ve seen me in my underwear. You’ve seen me naked.”

Guy: “Yeah, but in public you always wear jeans. Every time I try to imagine you in a bathing suit you’re wearing, like, a one-piece. And jeans.”

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Surface-Level Flirting Only

| England, UK | Friends With Benefits, Popular

(I’ve just moved into a new flat with a housemate who’s a bit of a slob. Consequently, the place is a huge mess. I hate cleaning enough when it’s my own mess, and some of this place looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in years; the microwave is particularly gross. I also commented that the place doesn’t really feel like home yet.)

Him: “Maybe we just need to have sex in every room for it to feel like home?”

Me: “Eugh, we’d have to clean any surface before we have sex on it.”

Him: “That might be a way to get me to clean your flat for you.”

Me: “So, for every surface you clean, I’ll have sex with you on it.”

Him: “Deal!”

Me: “Including the microwave?”

Him: “I don’t know? We could stick your butt in it?”

Me: “Please don’t microwave my butt!”

(Phrases you thought you’d never say…)

Another Benefit To Their Arrangement

| Germany | Friends With Benefits

(After spending an afternoon with a friend, he’s driving me home. We start joking around and I say something playful, but mean. Note: We sometimes have a friends-with-benefits thing.)

Him: “Go f*** yourself!”

Me: “Nah. That’s your job.”

Him: “…Touché.”

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