Category: Golden Years

Romance isn’t only the domain of the young. This category finds love tempered with honesty. Lots, and lots, and lots of honesty.

Pillow-Talk Isn’t Cheap

| USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

(In their first years of marriage, my parents decide to replace their old worn out pillows. Unfortunately for them the only place they check is the expensive local bedding store.)

Mother: *looking at pillows* “What about these?”

Father: *checking price tag* “These are thirty dollars each! We can’t afford that!”

(For the next two years my parents believed pillows were expensive until one day they were shopping at a popular department store and the noticed the MUCH cheaper pillow prices. They then bought ten pillows and threw their old flat ones away!)

Golden Years To Make You Feel Golden

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Golden Years

(I work at a secondhand bookstore and have an older couple come in. After helping them find a few hardcovers, the man mentions that they have been together for over 42 years.)

Wife: *declaring proudly* “42 and a half.”

(I ring them up, and because I can’t resist, I ask:)

Me: “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the key to staying together for so long? It’s lovely to see.”

(Her husband waits, knowing his wife will respond first.)

Wife: “Let’s see… patience.”

Husband: *joking* “Infinite patience. Especially for changing minds.”

Wife: “A sense of humour is most important to me, someone you can laugh with. He’s very quiet, but he tells the best jokes.”

(They look at one another, smiles on their faces.)

Wife: “And there comes a point, too, when you’ve been with someone for a few years, and that point is, ‘Should we stay together? Are you really the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with?’ And it comes down to a choice, you see. To love someone, with all their little quirks and complexities. And I knew I loved him, and I wanted him in my life. And I chose him.”

Husband: *with a smile* “I’ll always choose her.”

(They grabbed their purchases and left me with a warm feeling for the rest of the day. It’s moments like those that can make you believe love actually exists.)

Blood Is Fatter Than Water

| CA, USA | Golden Years

(We’re all sitting down and my cousin and I are talking about blood type. I ask my dad, who is more on the heavy side, what blood type I am and this is how the conversation goes.)

Me: “What blood type am I?”

Dad: “O.”

Me: “How do you know? What blood type are you?”

Dad: “B.”

Me: “Really?”

Dad: “C.”

Me: “There is no C.”

Dad: “Oh, then BC.”

Mom: *out of nowhere* “Yeah, he’s obesity.”

Dad: “I love you, too.”

(We’re still seated at the buffet while I’m typing this…)

I Ship Things Like This For Breakfast

| Golden Years, Popular

(I recently explained the concept of ship names to my grandfather and his new wife. They’ve been coming up with ship names for pairs of items.)

Grandfather: “Do we have any Wancakes?”

Me: “What?”

Grandfather: “Wancakes. Waffles and pancakes!”

New Wife: “No, honey, but we do have Mereal. Milk and cereal!”

Grandfather: “No thanks. I’ll just have some Toffee.”

Me: “You’re going to have toffee for breakfast?”

Grandfather: “Of course not. I mean toast and coffee!”

Romantic Lines Of Convergence

| Kildare, Ireland | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(When I was younger I was very anti-establishment. I organised and attended marches and protests about all sorts of causes and was generally very left wing and a bit of a hippy. My husband on the other hand was very conservative when he was younger, loved rules and order and joined the army. We still disagree on lots of issues but we are now less adamant about our opinions. The following happens after I tell him one of my stories about shenanigans I got up to in college.)

Husband: “I’m so glad you don’t do that sort of thing anymore.”

Me: “Ah, it was fun! I’m so glad we didn’t meet until we were in our thirties. We would have hated each other.”

Husband: “I would have definitely hated you!”

Me: “And I would have definitely hated you!”

Him: “Thank God you’ve become less of a ‘dirty hippy’ as you got older.”

Me: “Haha, definitely. Now I’m working for the man and everything. And what about you? I bet you never thought back then you’d be having a transgender person over to dinner!”

Him: “Hey, none of my business what way other people want to live.”

Me: “Maybe we’ll keep going. Maybe by the time I retire I’ll be like ‘kill the gays!’ And you’ll be sitting there smoking dope with long hair saying ‘chillax dude.’”

Husband: “I’d never say ‘chillax!’”

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