Category: Golden Years

Romance isn’t only the domain of the young. This category finds love tempered with honesty. Lots, and lots, and lots of honesty.

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Blood Is Fatter Than Water

| CA, USA | Golden Years

(We’re all sitting down and my cousin and I are talking about blood type. I ask my dad, who is more on the heavy side, what blood type I am and this is how the conversation goes.)

Me: “What blood type am I?”

Dad: “O.”

Me: “How do you know? What blood type are you?”

Dad: “B.”

Me: “Really?”

Dad: “C.”

Me: “There is no C.”

Dad: “Oh, then BC.”

Mom: *out of nowhere* “Yeah, he’s obesity.”

Dad: “I love you, too.”

(We’re still seated at the buffet while I’m typing this…)

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I Ship Things Like This For Breakfast

| Golden Years, Popular

(I recently explained the concept of ship names to my grandfather and his new wife. They’ve been coming up with ship names for pairs of items.)

Grandfather: “Do we have any Wancakes?”

Me: “What?”

Grandfather: “Wancakes. Waffles and pancakes!”

New Wife: “No, honey, but we do have Mereal. Milk and cereal!”

Grandfather: “No thanks. I’ll just have some Toffee.”

Me: “You’re going to have toffee for breakfast?”

Grandfather: “Of course not. I mean toast and coffee!”

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Romantic Lines Of Convergence

| Kildare, Ireland | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(When I was younger I was very anti-establishment. I organised and attended marches and protests about all sorts of causes and was generally very left wing and a bit of a hippy. My husband on the other hand was very conservative when he was younger, loved rules and order and joined the army. We still disagree on lots of issues but we are now less adamant about our opinions. The following happens after I tell him one of my stories about shenanigans I got up to in college.)

Husband: “I’m so glad you don’t do that sort of thing anymore.”

Me: “Ah, it was fun! I’m so glad we didn’t meet until we were in our thirties. We would have hated each other.”

Husband: “I would have definitely hated you!”

Me: “And I would have definitely hated you!”

Him: “Thank God you’ve become less of a ‘dirty hippy’ as you got older.”

Me: “Haha, definitely. Now I’m working for the man and everything. And what about you? I bet you never thought back then you’d be having a transgender person over to dinner!”

Him: “Hey, none of my business what way other people want to live.”

Me: “Maybe we’ll keep going. Maybe by the time I retire I’ll be like ‘kill the gays!’ And you’ll be sitting there smoking dope with long hair saying ‘chillax dude.’”

Husband: “I’d never say ‘chillax!’”

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A Chocolate Box Marriage

| Golden Years, Popular

(I’m visiting my parents for dinner. After dinner, are sitting around talking.)

Mom: “[Dad], do you want coffee?”

Dad: “No.”

Mom: “Do you want chocolate?”

Dad: “No.”

Mom: “Darn. I was hoping you did so you could make me some.”

All Your Dirty Dishes On Display

| TN, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband and I just had dinner with his parents and we’re debating on whether to stay and watch a movie with them or go on home. Neither his parents or we have a machine dishwasher.)

Me: “Well, we do have dishes that need to be washed…”

Husband: “You have been letting them pile up.”

Me: “I just wish we had a dishwasher!”

Husband: “We do have a dishwasher.” *before I can interject* “We have the best, most wonderful dishwasher in the world.” *kisses my head*

(While I am trying not to blush my mother in-law comes in the room.)

Mother-In-Law: “Better than our old, run down dishwasher. Sometimes I find the dishes are still dirty in the cabinets! I think I may need a newer model.”

Father In-Law: “Yeah, yeah. I love you, too.”

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