Category: Golden Years

Romance isn’t only the domain of the young. This category finds love tempered with honesty. Lots, and lots, and lots of honesty.

All I Want For Christmas…

| Denver, CO, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners, Top

(It’s Christmas season, and I’m shopping in a department store. An elderly couple is also shopping nearby. The woman goes off to look at something in a different section. The gentleman sneezes.)

Me: “Bless you.”

Elderly Gentleman: *looks at his wife* “It’s already been done.”

A Twisted Marriage

| PA, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

(The family is gathered around the table for Thanksgiving dinner. My mom is having an argument with my dad.)

Mom: “And you! After thirty years, you’ve got some kind of switch that lets you shut out everything I say!”

Dad: “Of course. Haven’t you ever seen me twist my wedding ring?”

Loved You Since The Day I Met You

| USA | Flirting/How We Met, Golden Years, Hall of Fame, Marriage & Partners, Top

(My grandmother has Alzheimer’s. She often thinks she is unmarried and only in her 20s. When told otherwise, she usually responds in very humorous or sweet fashions.)

Grandma: “He was the handsomest man!”

Aunt: “[Grandpa] was?”

Grandma: “Oh, yes! All the girls wanted to dance with him when he was home on leave.”

Aunt: “You too, huh?”

Grandma: “Me, especially!”

Aunt: “[Grandpa], did you hear that?”

Grandma: “Who’re you talking to?”

Aunt: “Your husband!”

Grandma: “[Grandpa]?”

Aunt: “Yeah! Your husband!”

Grandma: *scoffing* “I wish!”

Aunt: “Well, go in the next room and see, if you don’t believe me. He’s watching the ball game.”

Grandma: “[Grandpa]?”

Grandpa: “Yeah? Whad’ya want?”

(Grandma then rushes into the other room and throws herself into his lap for a kiss. She was so happy she couldn’t stop laughing and neither could the rest of us.)

Can’t Sweet-Talk His Way Out Of This One, Part 2

| USA | Engaged, Family/Kids, Golden Years

(I am hanging out at my fiancé’s house, watching TV with his mom. He and his dad head out to the store for a while. When they come back my fiancé hands me a candy bar.)

Me: “Sweet! I got chocolate! And I didn’t even have to do anything.”

Fiancé: “Well, Dad made me get you something. He said I have to be extra romantic and treat you right because you’re such a lovely lady.”

Mom: “Aw! That’s so sweet!”

(My fiancé’s mom turns to the dad.)

Mom: “Hey Babe, where’s my candy?”

Dad: “Uh…”

Mom: “Yeah, I thought so…”

Can’t Sweet-Talk His Way Out Of This One

War Of The Roses

| CA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids, Golden Years

(My boyfriend has promised to see me during my play, but now can’t make it for family reasons. To make it up to me, he buys me a bouquet of white roses. He comes over to my parents’ place, where I live.)

Boyfriend: *kneeling* “Oh, my darling, if only words could put together the utmost regret I have for failing you at one of your brightest moments. Let these white roses symbolize my sincerest apologies and my earnest adoration for you.”

Me: “Heh, laying it on thick, I see.”

Boyfriend: “I try. Only the best for my sweetie-kins.”

(As my boyfriend hands me the roses, my mother smacks my dad in the arm while sitting beside her.)

Dad: “Ow! What did I do?”

Mom: “How come you never do that kind of thing for me?!”

(Some time later, my mom puts my boyfriend’s roses in a vase to freshen up my room.)

Mom: “You know, legend has it that cut flowers live longer if the person that gave them to you really loves you.”

Me: “Aw, that’s sweet! Daddy gave you flowers recently, didn’t he?”

Mom: “…yeah, those only lasted for two days.”

(Mine last for more than two weeks.)