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Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

| Missouri, USA | Hall of Fame, Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Popular, Top

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

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A Muted Reaction

| Hettenhausen, Germany | Family/Kids, Hall of Fame, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband is sitting on the couch watching TV. I come in to tell him some good news.)

Me: “Hey honey, guess what?”

Husband: “Huh?” *keeps staring at TV*

Me: “I said, ‘Guess what?'”

Husband: “Uh…what?”

Me: “The pregnancy test is positive!”

Husband: “Cool. Let me finish this movie. I’ve never seen it.”

Me: “That’s all I get? Cool?

Husband: *holds fist out for knuckle bump* “Better?”

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The Best Ones Take A While To Blossom

| USA | Flirting/How We Met, Hall of Fame

(A man has been visiting my flower shop every day for the past few weeks, and buying random flowers each time. I catch on quickly and start to flirt with him, but he is very shy and becomes quickly flustered. One day he comes in as usual, and we chat for a while.)

Me: *playfully* “Now, are you going to buy any flowers or do I have to kick you out to make room for real customers?”

Man: “Oh! Uh…”

(He turns red and looks around at the flowers. I pick out a couple of peonies.)

Me: “Here, buy these. You can give them to me when you pick me up for dinner tonight, around 6:30?”

Man: “O-Okay.”

(This year is our 20th wedding anniversary and our daughter just turned 17. Of course, there is always a vase of peonies in our home!)

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