Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

| Missouri, USA | Hall of Fame, Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Popular, Top

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

A Muted Reaction

| Hettenhausen, Germany | Family/Kids, Hall of Fame, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband is sitting on the couch watching TV. I come in to tell him some good news.)

Me: “Hey honey, guess what?”

Husband: “Huh?” *keeps staring at TV*

Me: “I said, ‘Guess what?'”

Husband: “Uh…what?”

Me: “The pregnancy test is positive!”

Husband: “Cool. Let me finish this movie. I’ve never seen it.”

Me: “That’s all I get? Cool?

Husband: *holds fist out for knuckle bump* “Better?”

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The Best Ones Take A While To Blossom

| USA | Flirting, Hall of Fame

(A man has been visiting my flower shop every day for the past few weeks, and buying random flowers each time. I catch on quickly and start to flirt with him, but he is very shy and becomes quickly flustered. One day he comes in as usual, and we chat for a while.)

Me: *playfully* “Now, are you going to buy any flowers or do I have to kick you out to make room for real customers?”

Man: “Oh! Uh…”

(He turns red and looks around at the flowers. I pick out a couple of peonies.)

Me: “Here, buy these. You can give them to me when you pick me up for dinner tonight, around 6:30?”

Man: “O-Okay.”

(This year is our 20th wedding anniversary and our daughter just turned 17. Of course, there is always a vase of peonies in our home!)

A Sign They Should Start Dating

| Leeds, England, UK | Flirting, Hall of Fame, Top

(Every evening after work, I get the same bus home. I usually see the same young lady at the stop, and will share a smile and a nod as a greeting. As I’m fairly introverted, I rarely talk to people on the way home; I just listen to music on my wireless earbuds, which are hidden by my hair. One day, instead of the usual greeting, the young lady catches my eye and starts signing something at me. I reach up to pull out my earbuds.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t read sign langu—”

Young Lady: *turning bright red* “Oh, my god! You’re not deaf! I’m such an idiot! I thought you were deaf because you never respond when I talk to you. So, I tried to learn some sign language so I could talk to you.”

(The young lady tails off to a mumble, getting redder and redder. I burst out laughing.)

Me: “Wow. I never thought I was worth learning sign language to talk to!”

Young Lady: “I’m so sorry. How can I possibly make it up to you?”

Me: “Well, you can accompany me for a drink for starters. I’d love to learn more about a girl who learned sign language for a boy who can’t read it!”

(After that encounter it wasn’t long before we started dating. Now she turns bright red as soon as anyone asks how we met!)

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Loved You Since The Day I Met You

| USA | Flirting, Golden Years, Hall of Fame, Marriage & Partners, Top

(My grandmother has Alzheimer’s. She often thinks she is unmarried and only in her 20s. When told otherwise, she usually responds in very humorous or sweet fashions.)

Grandma: “He was the handsomest man!”

Aunt: “[Grandpa] was?”

Grandma: “Oh, yes! All the girls wanted to dance with him when he was home on leave.”

Aunt: “You too, huh?”

Grandma: “Me, especially!”

Aunt: “[Grandpa], did you hear that?”

Grandma: “Who’re you talking to?”

Aunt: “Your husband!”

Grandma: “[Grandpa]?”

Aunt: “Yeah! Your husband!”

Grandma: *scoffing* “I wish!”

Aunt: “Well, go in the next room and see, if you don’t believe me. He’s watching the ball game.”

Grandma: “[Grandpa]?”

Grandpa: “Yeah? Whad’ya want?”

(Grandma then rushes into the other room and throws herself into his lap for a kiss. She was so happy she couldn’t stop laughing and neither could the rest of us.)

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