Few things are as heinous as a cheater–but there are few things as gratifying as catching one.
I have recently been diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressants. It has completely killed my sex drive and my long-term partner (we’re both men) has been getting agitated by it, so I offer a compromise that I read about online. It’s essentially an open relationship, but it’s called Friends with Benefits (FwB). He’s quite eager about it so we agree to trial it, as long as he keeps me aware of everything. It helps ease the tensions in the relationship, and for a few months everything is great.
After six months I’m coming off the antidepressants, but have said we can keep the relationship open if he wants. He decides, however, to end it with his other. He plans to do it over a weekend while I’m away on business. When I come home, our house is picked clean of everything that is his. I try to call him but he doesn’t answer. My suspicions are confirmed when his other boyfriend calls me and asks why my boyfriend’s been claiming I broke it off with him for the two of them to be happy. I explain my end of the story and we agree he is an a**-hole. He is completely dumped by both of us and is forced to move in with his parents.
It’s a few months later now, and his other boyfriend and I are now in a relationship (closed) and couldn’t be happier.
I don’t want to say the whole “open relationship” thing doesn’t work, as I think it was probably more my ex being unhappy and wanting a change. But I would’ve hoped a seven year relationship would have warranted more than lying and then finding out you’ve been dumped through your ex’s boyfriend!
(I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. He asks me to teach him how to make a family recipe that he particularly likes, so I get him started on the prep work. I am making a salad while things pre-heat. Suddenly I look around and he’s not in the kitchen area any more; he’s at his computer, still in direct line of sight. When the oven indicates that it is done preheating…)
Boyfriend: “Hey, hun, you might want to get started on that chicken.”
Me: “…excuse me? I might want to get started? What about you?”
(I walk the two steps out of the kitchen and find that he’s sending very… ah… explicit Instant Messages to another woman that we both know.)
Me: “You are literally cheating in front of me and telling me to make you dinner while you do it, when we’re both supposed to be working on this?! You know what? Fine. I guess you have a choice. You either get your a** off that thing and make your own dinner, or you stay on that thing and not get dinner at all.”
(I walked out of his apartment, leaving everything where it was, and went home. He later had the gall to complain at me over text about how I left him to struggle to figure out what to do with the semi-prepped food. And that’s why he’s my ex.)
(I get a flirtatious text from my girlfriend addressed to someone else. I text her back pretending to be this other person, and find out she has been cheating on me. Still oblivious that she’s actually texting me, I suggest we meet up at a local bar, where we can laugh over how stupid her boyfriend, me, is. An hour later at the bar…)
Me: “Oh, hey, [Girlfriend]!”
Girlfriend: “[My Name]? What are you doing here?”
Me: “I wanted a drink. What about you? Weren’t you going to that play with your sister tonight?”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, it ended early. Um, I just remembered I forgot my purse at her place. I gotta go back.”
Me: “Aren’t you carrying your purse?”
Girlfriend: “My other purse.”
Me: “You took two purses?”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, I gotta go. See you later, babe!”
Me: “Okay! Tell your other boyfriend I said hi!”
(The look on her face was priceless.)
(My friend finds out her boyfriend was cheating on her, and she gets revenge by hiding all of his things in different locations across town. She knows many business owners who have agreed to hide items in their stores for her. With each item comes a clue to where the next item is. Note: my friend’s mother is temporarily staying with her.)
Me: “So, what’s the last thing and where did you leave it?”
Friend: “It’s some of his favorite PlayStation games, and I hid it in my mom’s panty drawer. I also set up a video camera, so when he goes to get the game, I can tell people we broke up because he was stalking my mother.”
Me: “That’s going to be an interesting panty raid…”
(Moral of the story: don’t cheat on my friend!)
(I’m on the bus and I overhear this conversation.)
Woman #1: “I feel like my boyfriend is cheating on me!”
Woman #2: “Which one?”