Category: Infidelity

Few things are as heinous as a cheater–but there are few things as gratifying as catching one.

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Not Who You Were Ex-pecting

| USA | Infidelity, Popular

(I get a flirtatious text from my girlfriend addressed to someone else. I text her back pretending to be this other person, and find out she has been cheating on me. Still oblivious that she’s actually texting me, I suggest we meet up at a local bar, where we can laugh over how stupid her boyfriend, me, is. An hour later at the bar…)

Me: “Oh, hey, [Girlfriend]!”

Girlfriend: “[My Name]? What are you doing here?”

Me: “I wanted a drink. What about you? Weren’t you going to that play with your sister tonight?”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, it ended early. Um, I just remembered I forgot my purse at her place. I gotta go back.”

Me: “Aren’t you carrying your purse?”

Girlfriend: “My other purse.”

Me: “You took two purses?”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, I gotta go. See you later, babe!”

Me: “Okay! Tell your other boyfriend I said hi!”

(The look on her face was priceless.)

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Looking For Cheat Codes

| USA | Infidelity, Popular

(My friend finds out her boyfriend was cheating on her, and she gets revenge by hiding all of his things in different locations across town. She knows many business owners who have agreed to hide items in their stores for her. With each item comes a clue to where the next item is. Note: my friend’s mother is temporarily staying with her.)

Me: “So, what’s the last thing and where did you leave it?”

Friend: “It’s some of his favorite PlayStation games, and I hid it in my mom’s panty drawer. I also set up a video camera, so when he goes to get the game, I can tell people we broke up because he was stalking my mother.”

Me: “That’s going to be an interesting panty raid…”

(Moral of the story: don’t cheat on my friend!)

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Cheated Out Of Irony

| USA | Infidelity, Popular

(I’m on the bus and I overhear this conversation.)

Woman #1: “I feel like my boyfriend is cheating on me!”

Woman #2: “Which one?”

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Divorced From Reality

| AB, Canada | Engaged, Infidelity, Popular

(I work at a registry office. We get a lot of phone calls for various services and we prefer if the client calls before they arrive unprepared. Some calls are better than others.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Company]. How can I help you?”

Client: “I need to know what I need to obtain a marriage license.”

Me: “Sure. First of all, both parties will need to be here in person with ID. In addition, if either of you have been married before, we require that you provide a copy of your divorce documents.”

Client: “Oh. Is there any way around that last part?”

Me: “Uh… no, sir. You cannot get married if you can’t prove that your previous marriage was dissolved.”

Client: “Well, see, I don’t want my fiancé to know that I was married before.”

Me: “Uh…” *shocked silence* “I’m sorry, sir, there is no way around that.”

Client: “Okay. Well, thanks anyway.”

(I foresee a long and prosperous relationship in their future.)

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Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

| Missouri, USA | Hall of Fame, Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Popular, Top

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

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