Category: LGBTQ

We are family: all my brothers, sisters and me. This category is for all our LGBTQ friends who show that love knows no bounds.

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Trying To Offer Some Asian Persuasion

| CA, USA | Advice, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, LGBTQ

(I am out at a gay bar with my boyfriend and his best friend. All of us are white gay males, but live in a part of the country that’s quite ethnically diverse. We’re waiting for one of my exes to arrive, whom I am still on good terms with. My boyfriend’s friend has his Grindr app open, looking around the bar. I catch a glimpse of it.)

Me: “What the h***?!”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “Your profile! It says “No Asians””

Friend: “Yeah, I’m not into Asians.”

Me: “That’s very racist!”

Friend: “How? I just don’t find them attractive.”

Me: “Every single Asian?”

Friend: “Well, not really.”

Me: “So you’ve met every Asian from all over the world, have you?”

Friend: “Of course not, but—”

Me: “Then how can you know there is not a single Asian you find attractive?”

(My boyfriend has heard my voice rising throughout the conversation.)

Boyfriend: “It’s okay, [My Name]. [Friend] isn’t racist.”

Me: “If you make a decision or judgment about someone based solely and entirely on their race, is that a racist decision?”

Boyfriend: “I think what [Friend] means is—”

Me: “Yes or no. Is it a racist decision?”

Boyfriend: “Well… yes. But—”

Me: “There we go, then.”

Friend: “What’s the big deal? I just don’t find Asian guys sexually attractive. It’s a preference, not racism.”

Me: “Okay, then, why is that?”

Friend: “What is what?”

Me: “What is it about Asians that you don’t find desirable?”

Friend: “I don’t know… I just don’t.”

Me: “What about black guys?”

Friend: “Uh…”

Me: “So it’s just white guys you’re into, then?”

Friend: “I guess so. But I’m not racist! I have black friends!”

Me: “And you label them your ‘Black Friends’ do you?”

Boyfriend: “[My Name], chill out!”

Me: “I will not. I am not saying you’re Trump or anything, but you’re perpetuating the ideology that one race is superior to another, in this case, out of sexual prowess. White man is sexy and strong; Asian man is unattractive and weak. I’m telling you this because I want you to look inside and ask yourself why is it you feel this way? Also, I am saving you.”

Friend: “Saving me?! From what?”

Me: “From him.”

(We all turn to see my ex has arrived. A 6 foot, Korean-American body-builder with an amazingly handsome face, at least in my opinion. He comes on over and says hello.)

Ex: “Sorry I’m late. So… what we talking about?”

(I look pointedly at my boyfriend’s friend.)

Friend: “Oh… nothing… uh… So, who wants a round of drinks?”

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Getting Shirty With You

| OH, USA | LGBTQ, Popular

(For nearly five years I have been a female member of a co-ed community group that meets weekly in the local library. Immediately after what I thought was a normal meeting, I receive an email from one of the male members.)

Man: “Tonight was really awkward. I have never hit on you. I have never shown any animosity towards you, so there was no need for that passive-aggressive behavior towards me. I’ve been in this group for two years, and I am not there to meet girls. I feel I have not overstepped any boundaries.”

Me: “I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about, and getting this email out of the blue floored me.”

Man: “I saw your shirt, and it was obvious you wore it to hint to me I did something wrong.”

(At this point, I realize I had worn a T-shirt that says: “Yes, I’m asexual. No, I’m not waiting to meet the right person.”)

Me: “I wore that shirt because it highlights part of my identity. It’s not like it was directed at anyone.”

(It’s not as if he’s the only male in this group. Furthermore, this man is easily old enough to be my father, and he HAD asked me out several months ago.)

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Oh, My Gourd!

| Washington, DC, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, LGBTQ, Popular

(My boyfriend and I, both male, are in a supermarket. I’m having issues with allergies that have made my eyes red and sore. We’re buying a cucumber so I can put cucumber slices over my eyes. Note: the area we are in has a large gay population.)

Boyfriend: *looking through the cucumbers* “Let’s make sure we get a good one so we can eat it afterward!”

Me: “…”

Everyone Else: “…”

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Fus Roh Glittah!

| CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, LGBTQ, Long Distance, Popular

(My girlfriend and I (I am also female) have a super big distance between us, but we make our relationship work with me flying to her every few months. We are on the phone while she’s playing Skyrim and I’m playing Undertale.)

Me: “Shush for a second! I gotta get through this part of the game and you’re screaming about dragons isn’t helping!”

Girlfriend: “I’m not screaming about the dragons! I found the cutest orphan ever and I’m going to adopt her!”

Me: “Don’t you already have four of them?”

Girlfriend: “You can’t tell me how to live my life!”

Me: “But I have access to my card and a website that sends glitter bombs.”

Girlfriend: “You wouldn’t dare!”

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Standing Gayly

| Bethesda, MD, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, LGBTQ, Popular

(I have two female friends who are dating. They are both fairly short, but one is much taller than the other. As a result, hugging while standing up can sometimes be painful. When the shorter makes a mistake with her wording, hilarity ensues.)

Both: *hugging*

Taller Girlfriend: “Ugh, this is hurting my back.”

Smaller Girlfriend: “Then why don’t you stand up like a straight person?”

Taller Girlfriend: “…”

Smaller Girlfriend: “No, wait!”

Me: *sinks to the floor laughing hysterically*

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