Category: Long Distance

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.


Providing A Boy-friendly Customer Service

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Long Distance, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are long-distance. The last time he visited in person, he got the chance to make his amazing chili for dinner, which I have been craving since he left. On the day this story takes place, he is scheduled to be home for a Skype date at 9:00 pm. At 9:01 pm, I get the following message.)

Boyfriend: “This is Boyfriend Boyfriend sending you a friendly note that your order of one (1) boyfriend for delivery at 9:00 pm Eastern Time has been delayed to due unforeseen circumstances. We appreciate your business and apologize for the inconvenience.”

(He includes a picture of his laptop, which has started force-installing updates, delaying our date.)

Boyfriend: “Unfortunately, due to the nature of these circumstances, we have had to waive the time guarantee for this order. We will, however, provide you with a coupon redeemable for one (1) pot of our signature chili during your next local Boyfriend Boyfriend delivery. (Est. retail value $50CAD).”

Me: “I understand, and thank you for your correspondence. Unfortunately, it is very clearly stated on your website that time guarantees are provided at the time of the order, and can only be waived at that time; not at the expected time of delivery. As per company policy, I feel that further compensation is necessary for the inconvenience I have experienced.”

Boyfriend: “We here at Boyfriend Boyfriend feel obligated to point out that not only do we not have a website, but are not in fact a real company. As such, in consideration of your professional sass, we are not only waiving your time guarantee but also your chili coupon. In other words, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, woman. – Boyfriend Boyfriend staff.”


Can’t Handle The Truth

, | Australia | Long Distance, Popular

(My partner, male, and I, female, currently live on opposite sides of the ocean, so we frequently talk over Skype, usually just before I go to bed. On this particular occasion I said I’d message him when I was free to chat. I then had dinner and watched a movie. Needless to say we ended up chatting a lot later than intended. The following conversation happens after our initial “hello” and “how are you”:)

Partner: “So, what happened?”

Me: “I was watching a movie and wanted to finish it.”

Partner: *jokingly* “Aw, so a movie is better than talking to me?”

Me: “No, but it was A Few Good Men and I really like it.”

(Cue a moment’s pause as we process what I just implied, and then uncontrollable laughter from both of us. I’m still laughing when he comes up with this gem:)

Partner: “Well, h***, apparently I need to up my game a little!”


Long Distance Is No Game

| Lenoir, NC, USA | Dating, Long Distance, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and are texting while I’m waiting to check people into the hotel where I work. We are both nerdy in our own ways and play video games often.)

Boyfriend: “Starting tomorrow I’m going to be on a strict diet regimen.”

Me: “Will I have a walking buddy when I move out there?”

Boyfriend: “You were going to get that regardless.”

Me: “Yay!”

Boyfriend: “Walk together, eat together, shower together, sleep together… and more importantly… GAME TOGETHER!. Relationship priorities.”

Page 1/2312345...Last