Category: Long Distance

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.

A Hot Slice Of Romance

| Scotland, UK | Long Distance, Marriage & Partners

(My husband is away on business.)

Me: “I wish you were here.”

Husband: “I wish you were pizza.”

Long-Distance Mooning

| Birmingham, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Long Distance

(It’s a few night’s before New Year and my boyfriend is over at my house. We are in a long-distance relationship so we make the most of the time we have together. I live in England and he lives in Ireland. We are planning New Year’s night and he has a surprise for me, so he’s checking the weather to see how it will be on NYE.)

Boyfriend:” So tomorrow daytime it will be rainy; New Year’s Eve, rainy in the day but moony on the night.”

Me: “Moony?!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, look. The picture is of the moon.”

(He shows me the little icons next to the weather showing it was a clear night no clouds.)

Boyfriend: “Like when it’s sunny… but night time.”

Fus Roh Glittah!

| CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, LGBTQ, Long Distance, Popular

(My girlfriend and I (I am also female) have a super big distance between us, but we make our relationship work with me flying to her every few months. We are on the phone while she’s playing Skyrim and I’m playing Undertale.)

Me: “Shush for a second! I gotta get through this part of the game and you’re screaming about dragons isn’t helping!”

Girlfriend: “I’m not screaming about the dragons! I found the cutest orphan ever and I’m going to adopt her!”

Me: “Don’t you already have four of them?”

Girlfriend: “You can’t tell me how to live my life!”

Me: “But I have access to my card and a website that sends glitter bombs.”

Girlfriend: “You wouldn’t dare!”

Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 15

| FL, USA | Long Distance, Popular

(I have a girlfriend whom I only get to see about once a month due to distance. When together, one of the things we do is catch up on Big Bang Theory on the DVR. Usually I “drive” the remote and fast-forward through the commercials, trying to hit “play” again right before the show resumes. Often there’s a pattern to what types of commercials happen in what order, but this pattern had apparently recently changed, and so I’m not hitting “play” in the right places.)

Me: “Usually I can hit the end of the commercials right on, but it seems like they’ve changed the pattern they use to program them. That’s not right.”


Me: “I just sounded disturbingly like Sheldon right now, didn’t I?”

Girlfriend: “Yes, and I’m ignoring you just like Leonard.”

Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 14
Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 13
Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 12

Providing A Boy-friendly Customer Service

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Long Distance, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are long-distance. The last time he visited in person, he got the chance to make his amazing chili for dinner, which I have been craving since he left. On the day this story takes place, he is scheduled to be home for a Skype date at 9:00 pm. At 9:01 pm, I get the following message.)

Boyfriend: “This is Boyfriend Boyfriend sending you a friendly note that your order of one (1) boyfriend for delivery at 9:00 pm Eastern Time has been delayed to due unforeseen circumstances. We appreciate your business and apologize for the inconvenience.”

(He includes a picture of his laptop, which has started force-installing updates, delaying our date.)

Boyfriend: “Unfortunately, due to the nature of these circumstances, we have had to waive the time guarantee for this order. We will, however, provide you with a coupon redeemable for one (1) pot of our signature chili during your next local Boyfriend Boyfriend delivery. (Est. retail value $50CAD).”

Me: “I understand, and thank you for your correspondence. Unfortunately, it is very clearly stated on your website that time guarantees are provided at the time of the order, and can only be waived at that time; not at the expected time of delivery. As per company policy, I feel that further compensation is necessary for the inconvenience I have experienced.”

Boyfriend: “We here at Boyfriend Boyfriend feel obligated to point out that not only do we not have a website, but are not in fact a real company. As such, in consideration of your professional sass, we are not only waiving your time guarantee but also your chili coupon. In other words, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, woman. – Boyfriend Boyfriend staff.”

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