Category: Long Distance

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.

Long Distance Is No Game

| Lenoir, NC, USA | Dating, Long Distance, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and are texting while I’m waiting to check people into the hotel where I work. We are both nerdy in our own ways and play video games often.)

Boyfriend: “Starting tomorrow I’m going to be on a strict diet regimen.”

Me: “Will I have a walking buddy when I move out there?”

Boyfriend: “You were going to get that regardless.”

Me: “Yay!”

Boyfriend: “Walk together, eat together, shower together, sleep together… and more importantly… GAME TOGETHER!. Relationship priorities.”

Finish Your Essay Or Bust, Literally

| New Zealand | Dating, LGBTQ, Long Distance, Popular

(I’m asexual, meaning I don’t experience sexual attraction or lust. I’m also currently struggling to finish an essay for university. My partner and I, both women, are long distance at the moment, and usually talk via IM. I realize I’ve been missing hearing her voice.)

Me: “We need to Skype properly sometime. Maybe that can be my reward for when I finish this darned essay.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, you need to do that. I’d offer something slutty like ‘I’ll get my boobs out’ but YOU’RE ON THE INTERNET. THERE’S PLENTY OF BOOBS!”

Me: “Plus I’m not boobs motivated, but nice thought.”

Girlfriend: “I’ll make you look at my boobs if you don’t finish your essay!”

Doesn’t Make A Lick Of Sense

| USA | Dating, Long Distance

(My boyfriend and I are talking on Skype.)

Me: “UGH!”

Boyfriend: “Did your hand fall asleep?”

Me: “Yes! Argh!” *indiscriminate anger noises*

Boyfriend: “Try licking it.”

Me: *lick* “Whath doeth that doth?”

Boyfriend: “Nothing. Just wanted to see if you’d actually do it.”

It’s Cute How He Gets Romance

| Waterloo, ON, USA | Dating, Long Distance

(I’m very widely known for being easily scared off by grand traditionally romantic gestures, and my relatively new and extremely romantic boyfriend knows it. However, I’m disappointed when I fly home for the long weekend and he isn’t at the airport to greet me after three months apart, even though he has the day off.)

Me: “I was kind of sad when you weren’t there at the airport with [Friend] to pick me up. Guess you were busy though.”

Boyfriend: “What? The first thing I wanted to do when I found out I had the day off was be there in a suit with flowers and a sign with your name on it, but I know you hate romantic things so I didn’t go!”

Me: “Well, the flowers and suit might’ve been a bit much, but being there with a sign would’ve been cute!”

Boyfriend: “…and romantic?”

Me: “… well, no, there’s a difference between old-timey romantic and dorky cute. Showing up at the airport would be cute; a dozen roses would be romantic.”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “Okay, how about this: showing up outside my house with a candlelit picnic dinner and serenading me with a ukelele is romantic, surprising me late at night with pizza and a John Hughes movie is cute. Buying me a bouquet of flowers is romantic; making me a bouquet of beer is cute.”


Me: “Okay. If it’s something you could imagine in a 60’s movie, it’s…” *gestures at him to answer*

Boyfriend: “GOOD! Yeah?”

Me: *facepalm* “We’ll go over this in more detail later.”

(Just to clarify, I totally appreciate my oblivious boyfriend. I’d been doing little cute things for him for a while, and was confused as to the lack of reciprocation, because it seemed unlike him. I just never realized *how* oblivious he was, and all was forgiven!)

Splitting Heads And Mending Hearts

| Scotland, UK | Long Distance

(I’m sitting at home in Canada, talking to my fiancée who is in a coffee shop in Scotland and on Skype, when I decide to serenade her.)

Me: *singing the verse*

“How Do I Love You, Count The Ways
I Love You Like The Dane Axe
Loves The Enemy’s Face…”