Category: Long Distance

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.

Very Soppy Soup

| USA | Dating, Long Distance

(I’ve met a guy I really like while traveling for work. After a lovely week together, our work locations both move and we are separated but still keeping in touch. Although it’s clear we’re both rather fond of each other, we’ve carefully avoided using the word “love” due to the distance problem. One night on the phone…)

Guy: “At lunch today I saw wild rice soup on the menu and I said, ‘I love wild rice soup!’ And then I thought how stupid it is that I can say I love soup, but I can’t say I love you.”

Me: “Hey, [Guy]?”

Guy: *keeps talking* “I mean, why is everyone so afraid of those words? Why does it have to be such a big deal? It’s really—”

Me: “[Guy]!”

Guy: *finally stops* “What?”

Me: “I love you.”

Guy: “Oh, my god. I love you, too!”

(I will always have a special place in my heart for wild rice soup after this!)

Bust His Nut Over It Later

| New Zealand | Dating, Long Distance

(My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and he is working security at this time. A couple of bad storms have passed through his area recently. We are chatting over Facebook. He has a habit of not using punctuation.)

Boyfriend: “Gosh wind is so powerful and nuts set off the building alarm!”

Me: “Your nuts did what!?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, just so powerful the alarm went off!”

Boyfriend Versus Cat

| New Zealand | Dating, Long Distance

(I have just gotten two new kittens, one of which loves attention all the time from everybody. I am talking to my long-distance boyfriend over Facebook on my phone while the kitten attempts to catch my eye.)

Me: “Arinbjorn is craving attention again.”

Boyfriend: “Seems you found your baby kitten.”

Me: “He keeps knocking the phone away.”

(Just then, Arinbjorn smacks the phone from my hand and steps on it before smooching my arm and running away. He appears to have written and sent a message by accident.)

Message: “I 66t7u77777 L”

Me: “Uh… he says hi?”

When Pillow Talk Gets Dark

| Slovakia | Dating, Long Distance

(I am chatting over webcam with my long distance boyfriend. I’m half-way through describing how much I love him.)

Me: “…sorry, sweetie, I have to stop. I’m going to ask you a weird request.”

Boyfriend: “Right…”

Me: “Can you just pick up the pillow directly to your left, and then fluff it, and put it back.”

Boyfriend: *does this, looking at me like I’m crazy* “So?”

Me: “No, put it back. Then I’ll tell you.”

Boyfriend: *puts back the pillow very carefully and precisely, and then looks at me nervously*

Me: “It’s just it was folded in such a way that it looked like a demon baby face, and I was trying to ignore it but I couldn’t. It was just THERE and I’d try looking at you but my eyes kept looking at it!”

Boyfriend: *rolls around in tears laughing at me for at least 30 seconds* “Oh, I think I love you even more!”

Every Time I Think Of You I Wipe Myself

| NY, USA | Dating, Long Distance

(My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We are discussing things to do during our upcoming weekend together.)

Me: “Do you plan on going running or jogging with me this weekend? Or would you rather just take it easy?”

Boyfriend: “I want to spend each and every non-toilet second with you.”

Me: “That’s so… sweet.”