Category: Marriage & Partners

Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

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Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It’s Captain Obvious

| CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are lying in bed each playing with our phones. He is playing his airplane game.)

Husband: “I just crashed my plane.”

Me: “Just start over.”

Husband: “I can’t be a pilot. I’d kill a lot of people.”

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Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 7

| Denmark | Marriage & Partners, Pokemon

(My husband and I are lying in bed, looking online, when I come across this ‘What type of Pokémon are you’ quiz where you have to use your birth month and day to find the types. My husband and I are both pretty big nerds, so he and I have this conversation. It should be noted that I’m pregnant.)

Me: “Huh, I’m a water normal type Pokémon.”

Husband: “Oh, what am I?”

Me: “Fighting water… What kind of Pokémon is water normal type?”

(There’s a moment of silence between us where I’m looking to see what the rest of my family will be and I’m assuming he’s fallen asleep.)

Husband: “Magikarp!”

Me: *gasp in horror and start laughing* “Oh, h***, no! I’m a Vaporion at least.”

Husband: *nudging my back* “Hey! Hey! Honey? Use Splash.”

Me: *turns around and smacks his arm, still laughing* “Mother-f****, I will evolve into a dragon in a second!”

Husband: *laughing his a** off* “It’s super effective.”

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 6
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 5
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 4

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They’re Not So Pretty In Pink

| PA, USA | Fights/Breakups, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(I work at the information desk at my local library. We often get calls asking for phone numbers, word definitions, etc., along with the standard “Do you have [book]?” that you’d expect. When it comes to asking for a definition of a medical term, we are obligated to inform the patron that we can ONLY give definitions and any advice should be directed to a medical professional. Why people ask us these things, I never know, as we’re not a doctor’s office.)

Me: *answers phone* “[Library], Information Services. This is [My Name].”

Patron: “Uh, hi. I was wondering if you could tell me what ‘pink eye’ is.”

Me: “I can look up the definition for you, but am obligated to inform you that I am not a medical professional, and will only be reading what I see on-screen, and cannot interpret the definition. If you have any questions about treatment, diagnosis, or anything beyond a definition or symptoms, you are going to need to seek a medical professional.”

Patron: “That’s fine. Just tell me what it is.”

Me: *reads the definition from the CDC’s website to him*

Patron: “Uh-huh. And what are the symptoms?”

Me: *reads the symptom list*

Patron: “Uh-huh. Would you mind telling what you just told me to my wife?”

Me: “Uh, sure. But same for her, I can only read what I see on-screen.”

Patron: “HERE, DUMB-A**!”

Patron’s Wife: *in background* “I . DO. NOT. HAVE. F***ING. PINK. EYE!”

Me: *immediately thinks this will go horribly* “Uh, hello?”

Patron’s Wife: “Yeah, he said it sounds like what I have, but it can’t be that. What’s the definition so I can shut him up?”

Me: *re-reads the definition and symptom list for her*

Patron’s Wife: “Yeah, no. Definitely don’t have that. My eye is still brown. It didn’t turn pink. He’s a f***ing liar.” *hangs up the phone*

(Apparently, there are actually people who think “pink eye” turns your iris from brown/blue/green/etc. to pink! Aside from the slight worry that I was going to get screamed at over the phone, I found it hilarious!)

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