Category: Marriage & Partners

Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

Not Getting Dogged Down By Valentine’s Day

| San Antonio, TX USA | Marriage & Partners, Pets & Animals

(It is the day before Valentine’s Day, and about a month after we’ve adopted a puppy. My wife has realized how far behind in schoolwork (a tough master’s degree program) she is.)

Wife: “I think I need to not come home tomorrow. I’ll just go straight to studying after work.”

Me: “You’re not coming home on Valentine’s Day?”

Wife: “Yes. I’ll miss my puppy.”

Me: “…AND YOUR HUSBAND?!”

Wife: “Oh… well… yeah.”

Suddenly Acting Childish

| Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I wanted kids when we were first married, but have since decided against it. We are starting a new TV show that is supposed to be heart-warming about a middle aged man who takes in a six-year-old girl that was being abandoned by the family. Before the show starts I turn to him and hold out my pinkie.)

Me: “Pinkie promise that no matter how cute this show is we will not go back on our decision to not have kids!”

Husband: “Yeah, Yeah, I don’t think that’s needed. You may go on ovary overdrive but you know I won’t let you go too far.”

(Half-way through the show he turns to me and gives me puppy dog eyes.)

Husband: “It’s a good thing we made that promise! I want one!”

Pillow-Talk Isn’t Cheap

| USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

(In their first years of marriage, my parents decide to replace their old worn out pillows. Unfortunately for them the only place they check is the expensive local bedding store.)

Mother: *looking at pillows* “What about these?”

Father: *checking price tag* “These are thirty dollars each! We can’t afford that!”

(For the next two years my parents believed pillows were expensive until one day they were shopping at a popular department store and the noticed the MUCH cheaper pillow prices. They then bought ten pillows and threw their old flat ones away!)

He Can Cook This In His Sleep

| Denver, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband is a chef, and talks in his sleep. He’s asked me to make sure he’s awake when the alarm goes off in the morning.)

Me: “Wakey, wakey.”

Husband: “I’m awake.”

Me: “Prove it.”

Husband: “I’m thinking about shrimp and grits.”

Me: “I know you. That proves nothing.”

(Five minutes later:)

Me: “Wake up.”

Husband: “Give me a few more minutes. I’m getting the bathrooms together.”

Me: *laughing* “What?”

Husband: “Or they won’t let us open.”

Married To A Yes-Man

| Warrington, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(Two of my coworkers married many years before I joined the company. They don’t both work in the same department, so one will often call by the other’s desk to talk rather than using the internal phone. One day, I overhear the following:)

Wife: “What do you want for dinner tonight…? Or, actually, I mean, ‘do you want to go out for dinner tonight or are you cooking?’”

Husband: “Yes.”

Wife: “’Yes’ is not an acceptable answer, dear.”

Husband: “Yes.”

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