Category: Marriage & Partners

Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

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End This Relationship By Breakfast

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(My significant other and I just went to bed for the night and are both pretty tired. After we climb in and get comfortable he leans over, wraps his arms around me, kisses my cheek, and says “good night, hun. Love you.” Somehow in my half asleep brain “love you” got translated to “what do you want for breakfast in the morning?” So I nonchalantly responded:)

Me: “I don’t care.”

Him: *in shock* “WHAT!?!”

(What he really said finally hit me; my eyes pop open and I bolt up right, wrapping my arms around him, and smothering him in kisses.)

Me: “Oh, my god, hun! I’m so sorry. I thought you were asking me what I wanted for breakfast tomorrow; I mean to say I love you, too! ‘Cause I do! I really, really love you!”

(In mock anger and hurt he rolled over with his back to me and said “I don’t care!” After that it took us another 15 minutes to finally get to sleep because the both of us kept giggling and saying “I don’t care” to each other in a mock childish tone.)

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Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 2

| USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband has asthma, and if he laughs too hard, he has a coughing fit. We’re messing around before bed, giggling as quietly as possible so as not to wake the baby. My husband proceeds to cough and muffles it by pressing his face into my boob.)

Husband: *says something muffled*

Me: “Huh?”

Husband: “I said, good thing you have big hoo-hahs. They’re good cough mufflers.”

Me: “Honey… a hoo-hah is a vagina.”

(My husband proceeds to crack up and have another coughing fit into my boob.)

Husband: *trying to sound dignified* “Ta-tas, then. Nobody bothered to explain that in detail to me.”

Related:
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 2
Making A Boob Of One Self

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Distant Chance Of A Decent Gift

| England, UK | Advice, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My wife’s sister has an unusual marriage. They are very distant and argue a lot of the time, yet pretend to be “soul mates” on Facebook. We don’t interfere but like to joke in private.)

Wife: “[Sister]’s birthday day is coming up soon. Any ideas?”

Me: “Err, cookbook for one?”

Wife: “No!”

Me: “New door locks?”

Wife: “Seriously?!”

Me: “Oh! Somewhere to bury the body?”

Wife: “Were you going to give me any helpful answers?”

Me: “Er, well, I hadn’t planned on it, no.”

(We ended up buying her a handbag, but I think my ideas were better.)

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