Category: Marriage & Partners

Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

| Missouri, USA | Hall of Fame, Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Popular, Top

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

Romance Is Dead(pool)

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband never does anything for Valentine’s Day. The only times I’ve even gotten gifts, he’s run out the day of to buy me last minute things when he realized I got him stuff. He works on Sundays with Mondays off; he also has a teenage son who lives with us and is a major Deadpool fan, while I am not. My husband and stepson have been looking forward to the new Deadpool movie release on February 12th for months.)

Husband: *randomly* “Oh, I took February 12th and 14th off of work.” *meaning he’d have a 4-day weekend*

Me: *pleasantly surprised* “Okay!”

Husband: “It’s the closest weekend to [Son]’s birthday.”

Me: *crashing back to reality* “Oh. Yes, it is. Not where I thought you were going with that, but yes, it is.”

Husband: *smiling* “Don’t worry, we can make it a Deadpool weekend, too!”

Me: “…”

You’re Like A Failed Burger To Me

| Davie, FL, USA | Marriage & Partners

Me: “It’s cool outside.”

Husband: “YOU’RE cool.”

Me: *with a fake pout* “But you always told me I was hot!”

Husband: “You’re hot AND cool. You’re the McDLT of people.”

Drunk On Love, Part 2

| Detroit, MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

(It is the morning after some fun sexy-times with my wife.)

Me: “Dear, if your awesomeness were converted to alcohol, you’d start peeing Everclear.”

Related:
Drunk On Love

The Circle Of Strife

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband and I are listening to a news talk radio station while we are on the road. A story about Chikungunya comes on, discussing how it gets spread by mosquitoes. Without any kind of sign or warning my husband starts chanting, to the tune of the opening song on The Lion King, ‘Circle of Life.’)

Husband: “Chik-un-gunya, Chik-un-chikun-gunya. Chik-un-gunya, Chik-un-chikun-gunya…”

Me: *singing over him* “From the time you first swatted that skeeter, you feel anxiety of the unknown — West Nile, could it be? Why did it have to bite me? What’s this rash all over my bo-dy? Ooooh Chiiiiiiikun-gunyaaaaaa — Our vacation is ru-i-n-ed…”

Husband: *now drumming on the steering wheel* “Chik-un-gunya, Chik-un-chikun-gunya, Chik-un-gunya, Chik-un-chikun-gunya…”

Me: “Iii-ieeeeeeeeeeee….eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” *to sound like mosquito buzzing*

(We then both stopped singing, didn’t mention it, and went on with our drive.)

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