Category: Marriage & Partners

Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

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At Least They Both Forgot

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are friends with a couple who are very sweet, but sometimes a bit clueless. Their wedding date was June 5, 1993. They invite us to dinner for June 5, 1994.)

Me: *lifts my glass of wine in a toast* “So, here’s to you!”

Couple: *looks at me in puzzlement* “Um, thanks. What for?”

Me: “Your first anniversary – isn’t that why we’re here?”

Couple: “Really? How about that! Nah, we just wanted to have dinner.”

(And, on another occasion…)

Couple: “When is Valentine’s Day?”

Me: “I think it’s on a Sunday this year.”

Couple: “No, what DATE?”

Me: “February 14… Same as every year.”

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His Support For You Is Integral

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My wife and I are chatting via Facebook from our respective workplaces.)

Wife: “I need to poop.”

Wife: “Very badly.”

(She is a schoolteacher, so she can’t just run to the bathroom whenever she pleases. Having said that, she has a “prep” period at the end of the day instead of students — and, if my understanding of her schedule is correct, it will begin shortly.)

Me: “Isn’t your prep soon?”

Wife: “10 min.”

Me: “YOU CAN DO IT!”

Me: “I TRUST IN THE INTEGRITY OF YOUR BUTTHOLE!”

Me: “THERE’S A SENTENCE I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY!”

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Married To A Spice Girl

| WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I share a house with a few people. One evening, my husband and one of our housemates are both in the kitchen, making dinner, while I am watching. It is worth mentioning that I have pale skin and red hair.)

Housemate: *looking through the spice cabinet* “Hey, [Husband], where’s your ginger?”

Me: *waving and smiling* “Right here!”

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A Common Excuse

, | WA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My job occasionally requires me to travel. I don’t like it, and neither does my partner, but I do what I must. I have just gotten news that I’ll be out of state for nearly a week.)

Partner: “Okay, so, tell your boss this. We’ve been together for almost six years, which makes you my common-law wife, so that makes you my property, and I say you can’t go.”

Me: *laughing* “I have to stay and be barefoot in the kitchen, right?”

Partner: “Exactly!”

(The next day, I actually do try this line of reasoning on my boss, who is pretty laid-back.)

Boss: “Nice try. Washington doesn’t have common-law laws. Enjoy Texas.”

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The Terrible Star Trek Twos

| Logan, UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

(We have a toddler whose middle name is Tiberius.)

Husband: “If we ever have another boy, we should name him James. Leonard James.”

Me: “That’s actually not too bad. I like the name.”

Husband: “And then if we have ANOTHER boy, we can name him Kirk.”

Me: “I don’t really like the name Kirk.”

Husband: “No, you don’t understand. We have to name him Kirk.”

Me: “Wait…”

Husband: “So then we could have James Tiberius Kirk! And then if I become an officer and get to the rank of captain in the army, we could be Captain James Tiberius Kirk!”

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