Category: Marriage & Partners

Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

Squaring That One Away

| Prague, Czech Republic | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

(Despite my age, I not only decide to donate blood for the first time, but I also talk my husband into doing the same. We are in the waiting room, filling in the questionnaire. Everything goes well, but then my husband gets to the part about “risky behaviour,” which may disqualify a person from being a donor.)

Husband: “What is this? Do I have to fill it?”

Me: “What is the problem? You never got transfusion, much less abroad, you never touched a prostitute, actually you slept with only one woman the last twenty years, and you never even thought about taking drugs!”

Husband: “Yeah… Now they will think I am complete square who has no fun in life!”

(Pause.)

Husband: “And yet I have SO MUCH FUN with you, my sweetest bloom on the tree of beauty!”

Me: “Tough luck. Let’s hope the medical records are really secure here.”

Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 4

| Blaine, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are sitting next to each other and playing D&D, using voice chat and an online map to play with several friends. He is the DM, and the other players and I are having trouble with a particular enemy. I have just tried to attack it again, and this happens:)

Husband: “Nope, that roll wasn’t good enough. You miss again.”

Me: *incredibly frustrated* “Are you f****** me?!”

Friend #1: “Well, I sure hope he’s not right now.”

(Our friends immediately started cracking up, and it took all of us several minutes to stop giggling and carry on with the game.)

Related:
Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 3
Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 2
Gaining Sexperience Points

Stepping Up To The Advice

| London, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(I am on a depressive/anxiety slump. I am sitting on the sofa stuffing my face with pizza.)

Me: “I hate this. The house is a mess. It’s so gorgeous outside, and I can’t motivate myself to do either. Can’t clean the house; can’t go outside. Ugh.”

Husband: “I’m sorry, babe. Let’s cuddle.”

Me: “I just want to be normal!”

Husband: “Why would you want to be normal when you are perfect? That’s a step down wouldn’t you say?”

(I love him!)

Things Are Not Looking Good

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I missed a call from an unknown number and think nothing of it, until it calls again 20 minutes later. I cautiously answer, only to hear my husband on the line, borrowing a coworker’s phone. I am the primary on our wireless phone service.)

Husband: “Hey! Someone stole my phone. I need you to suspend it immediately.”

Me: “Are you sure someone actually took it?”

Husband: “I can’t find it anywhere. I think someone either stole it or picked it up. Just please, suspend it.”

(I agree, but before doing so I log into my account and look for any recent usage. Everything looks legitimate, so I call his cell phone. My husband picks up.)

Husband: “That is so weird. I’m in my truck and the blue-tooth must have picked up on my phone, but I’m far from work now.”

Me: “Are you sure it isn’t in your truck somewhere?”

Husband: “I don’t think so. I completely tore the truck apart looking for it. Just hold off on suspending it. I’ll be home soon.”

(Twenty minutes later he came home, upset over the loss because even with insurance we couldn’t replace it right then and he needed it for work and was expecting an important phone call. I told him I would take a look. Within two minutes I located his phone, on silent, tucked under the back seat of his truck and only partially covered. The space underneath the seat was quite visible from the front or side of the truck, so he would have looked right at it at some point. My husband felt a bit bad about this… until I showed him that this is a relatively common phenomenon with married couples!)

Remote Hair Braiding

| NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I am male, and I have long box braids that reach to my mid-back. My wife likes to play with them. One night, we are watching TV; I am sitting on the floor in front of the couch while my wife is sitting on the couch, and for some reason she has decided to start tying random things into my hair, including but not limited to 3 pencils, a (clean) fork, and her car keys. I don’t mind until I go to reach for the TV remote and it’s not there.)

Me: “Babe, where’s the remote?”

Wife: *starts giggling*

Me: “What?”

(I turn to look at her and feel something abnormally heavy hanging off my head. I reach around and feel the remote, tied up in several of my braids.)

Me: “…really?”

Wife: *is now laughing so hard she’s not even making noise*

Me: “Do you do this when you hang out with your girls?”

Wife: *shakes her head, still unable to speak*

Me: “I’d be mad if you weren’t so cute.”

(She immediately snorted and almost fell off the couch laughing. I had to get the remote out of my hair myself.)

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