Category: Marriage & Partners

Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

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Covered All The Discussion Points

| USA | Marriage & Partners

Wife: *coughs*

Me: *farts*

Wife: *coughs again*

Me: *farts again*

(Pause.)

Me: “I’m glad we had this talk.”

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You Can Recognize It By Its Stripes

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Marriage & Partners

(My husband comes back home from running.)

Husband: “Guess what? I almost ran into a skank!”

Me: “You what?”

Husband: “I almost ran into a skank!”

Me: *blinks*

Husband: “SKUNK!”

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True Romance Takes Balls

| CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My wife and I are running errands and have just left a store with some groceries and trinkets. In my car is a therapy fidget, which can be bent into various shapes. My wife is playing with the fidget as I drive.)

Wife: “I made a heart!”

(She shows me.)

Me: “Aww!”

(She then flips the heart upside down.)

Wife: “And now it’s a ballsack!”

Me: “God d*** it, [Wife].”

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Penetrative Money Issues

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My wife and I have just finished making a purchase at a store and are walking out to the car.)

Wife: “I know they give added security, but I don’t like the new credit-card readers where you have to put the card in chip-side first. It’s awkward.”

Me: “What?”

Wife: “It seems… I dunno, invasive.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I see what you’re saying. Because you can’t just swipe it anymore.”

Wife: “You have to, like, stick it in.”

Me: “You’re not just giving it an unwanted caress; you’re actually, what, penetrating it?”

Wife: “Exactly! Maybe it’s uncomfortable for the credit-card reader.”

Me: “We didn’t get its consent first.”

Wife: “Yeah, how would YOU feel if someone just walked up to you and stuck their credit card in without asking.”

(We have reached our car by now and are getting into it.)

Me: “You know… I suddenly understand why some people describe us Californians as ‘bleeding-heart liberals.’”

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That’s One Way To Rock Their Socks

| VA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are starting to get frisky in bed one night. Unfortunately I am sick and we can’t actually do it, and we both know this.)

Husband: *shifts his body weight over top of me and slides his hand down into my underwear. He stiffens and looks down. He slowly pulls one of his large white socks out of my underwear* “What the….?”

(I died laughing, thinking how in the world was there a sock in my underwear and I didn’t even notice all day! The mood was entirely gone and we both just doubled over laughing. I kept trying to think how I didn’t know there was a big sock down there, or how it could have gotten there to begin with. It wasn’t until later that he confessed he rigged the sock to only look like he pulled it out. Got to say that was his best slight of hand yet.)

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