Category: Punny

Crackers With A Pun-gent Flavor

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners, Punny

(My wife has fired up the shower for us. I step in.)

Wife: *begins splashing me*

Me: “Augh!”

Wife: “Okay, fine, switch.”

(I am now standing under the water, but she has contrived to still splash me.)

Me: “Augh, I’m assaulted on both sides! I’m a cracker!”

Wife: “Huh?”

Me: “A-salted on both sides?”

Wife: “And also because you crack yourself up?”

(My wife then begins laughing at her own joke.)

Me: “Umm… apparently that’s NOT me…”

This Whole Thing Was A Mistake

| London, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Punny

(I’ve been bitten by something a lot lately, so I look up what draws mosquitoes in.)

Me: “So apparently mozzies are twice as likely to bite a Type O than a Type A.”

Boyfriend: “So they like mistakes?”

Me: “Huh?”

Boyfriend: “Type O. Typo.”

Me: “Really? That’s just terrible…”

Needs To Pun Ahead

| Worksop, England, UK | Marriage & Partners, Punny

(I am at work and get a call on my mobile from my wife.)

Wife: “I’m going to have to cancel and rearrange my optician’s appointment; I’m just way too busy with work to make it.”

Me: “Well, you need to look further ahead in the future to plan it better don’t you!”

(There is a few seconds pause, during which I can literally feel the frostiness building up over the phone. She is ‘our’ planner, always has been, and is very good at it, whilst I’m useless at planning ahead.)

Wife: “What did you say!?”

Me: “Think about it…”

Wife: *repeating me* “I need to look further ahead…” *groans* “…go away!”

Can’t Take That Bach

| ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Punny

(My boyfriend and I are at school and he is packing up his locker, looking for a specific music book.)

Me: “Ready to go?”

Boyfriend: “Just a minute… Found it!” *pulls out Bach music book*

Me: *giant grin* “Soooo… you couldn’t find that book at first, right?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah?”

Me: “So it was lost… And now it’s Bach?”

Oh, Deer…

| USA | Marriage & Partners, Punny

(I’ve been sick and finally feel well enough to fool around. As we are cuddling and getting in the mood.)

Me: “Can you say something romantic to me?”

Husband: *grinning mischievously* “Your breasts are like two fawns—”

Me: “Not working. Try again.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Wait, is it because you’re FAWNdling them?”

Husband: “Really?”

Me: *dies in a fit of laughter/coughing fit*

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