Category: Punny

Needs To Pun Ahead

| Worksop, England, UK | Marriage & Partners, Punny

(I am at work and get a call on my mobile from my wife.)

Wife: “I’m going to have to cancel and rearrange my optician’s appointment; I’m just way too busy with work to make it.”

Me: “Well, you need to look further ahead in the future to plan it better don’t you!”

(There is a few seconds pause, during which I can literally feel the frostiness building up over the phone. She is ‘our’ planner, always has been, and is very good at it, whilst I’m useless at planning ahead.)

Wife: “What did you say!?”

Me: “Think about it…”

Wife: *repeating me* “I need to look further ahead…” *groans* “…go away!”

Can’t Take That Bach

| ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Punny

(My boyfriend and I are at school and he is packing up his locker, looking for a specific music book.)

Me: “Ready to go?”

Boyfriend: “Just a minute… Found it!” *pulls out Bach music book*

Me: *giant grin* “Soooo… you couldn’t find that book at first, right?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah?”

Me: “So it was lost… And now it’s Bach?”

Oh, Deer…

| USA | Marriage & Partners, Punny

(I’ve been sick and finally feel well enough to fool around. As we are cuddling and getting in the mood.)

Me: “Can you say something romantic to me?”

Husband: *grinning mischievously* “Your breasts are like two fawns—”

Me: “Not working. Try again.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Wait, is it because you’re FAWNdling them?”

Husband: “Really?”

Me: *dies in a fit of laughter/coughing fit*

The Pun Nazi

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners, Punny

(My wife is a bit nuts about cables; she hates to see them. I’m a computer/network/electronics guy. You can imagine this causes some friction. I’ve just set up a new TV we got.)

Me: “I just had to use the tools I used for running wire through our attic and walls just to get a power cable behind our entertainment center, and it’s your fault.”

Wife: “How is that my fault?”

Me: “Because you’re the cable Nazi. Wait, what do you always say about cables? That you don’t want to ever see them…”

Wife: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “Right. You’re the cable ‘not-see’!”

Wife: “You’re sleeping on the couch. I can’t be with that level of dorkiness.”

Very Punful

| Engaged, Punny

(My fiancé and I are in the middle of being intimate. She is known as being a klutz and we joke that risking personal injury is a part of marrying her. She accidentally digs her hip into my inner thigh very hard.)

Me: *groans in pain*

Fiancé: “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “Well, at least I know you haven’t been replaced by pod people, or a clone, or an alien replicant or anything. You’re still you.”

Fiancé: “Yeah, my hips don’t lie!”

Me: *groans at the pun, laughs, kisses her*

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