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The best of the best stories on Not Always Romantic!

Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

| Missouri, USA | Hall of Fame, Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Popular, Top

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

Don’t Lose True Love

| UK | Dating, Top

(My boyfriend has travelled up the country by train to come visit me in my new flat. I’ve given him the address, instructions on how to get to the flat from the station, and a map to ensure there’s no way he’ll miss it. I am still at work when he is scheduled to arrive, so I won’t be there, and have my phone on silent. I arrive home about two hours after he is meant to arrive to find the flat empty and the key undisturbed in its hiding place, so I get out my phone to call him and see a number of missed calls and messages.)

Message #1: *around five minutes before he was meant to arrive* “Hey, babe, I’ve just got to [City]. I should be there in about 15 minutes. Love you!”

Message #2: *10 minutes later* “Hey, I know I said 15 minutes, but I think I got on the wrong bus. None of these street names look right. I’ll call you when I’m back on track.”

Message #3: *10 more minutes later* “Hey, I was on the wrong bus, but I’m back in the city centre now. Should be there in 15 minutes.”

Message #4: *5 minutes later* “Babe, I can’t find the right bus. Can you call me when you get this?”

Message #5: *5 more minutes later* “I really need you to call me/ No one’s heard of your street or bus. Please call me as soon as you get this.”

Message #6: *15 minutes later, and audibly upset* “Please call me back. I’m so lost. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Message #7: *10 minutes later, an hour after he was meant to arrive, sounding confident again* “I fell asleep on the train and didn’t realise the train got delayed. I’m in [City about 30 minutes away]. I am an idiot who will see you in an hour. Please don’t stop loving me just because I’m too stupid to function.”

(As I finish the messages and prepare to call him back, I hear a knock on the door, and open it to find my exhausted and disheveled boyfriend stood there. A smile breaks across his face and he falls forward wrapping his arms around me.)

Boyfriend: “Don’t listen to your messages. Things might have gotten complicated.”

Me: “Too late, but I still love you.”

Boyfriend: “Well, in that case you should keep me on a leash. Five days is more than enough time for me to get lost here as well.”

(True to his word, the next morning, we took a bus into town and he got lost as soon as I turned away. By the time we worked out where he was over the phone, he was nearly a mile away. After that I tied a length of cord between my backpack and his wrist. He didn’t get lost again.)

I Could Do Karaoke In My Sleep

| IA, USA | Dating, Top

(I am in a Skype call with my boyfriend when he decides to take a nap. I stay awake because I am trying to finish a paper. I am known to hum or sing while working.)

Me: *starts humming ‘God Save the Queen’*

(Suddenly my boyfriend who has been sleeping starts humming.)

Me: “[Boyfriend], are you awake?”

(I hear no response and I go back to my paper. I start humming a theme song from a

TV show only to hear my boyfriend humming again.)

Me: *joins a group message that all our friends are in* “Anyone have song suggestions? Because [Boyfriend] apparently sings in his sleep!”

(After recording several songs he finally wakes up.)

Me: “Good morning; did you sleep well?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but I had a dream I was singing karaoke.”

Laughing In The Face Of Everything

| Long Island, NY, USA | Flirting, Top

(I meet a girl through a friend, and said girl is putting up a serious fight with cancer that has invaded her spine and kidneys. Despite this horrific illness, she has a spectacular sense of humor, as well as a seemingly unbeatable spirit. One day, I go to go see the girl all by my lonesome while she is still in the hospital. We have an awesome two-hour conversation.)

Me: “So, umm… I was, umm… well, I was wondering if, when you finally get out of here, if you’d want to… y’know… go on a date or something.”

Girl: “Sure.”

Me: “Really? Are you sure? Because I’ll understand—”

Girl: “Shut up and give me your phone number.”

(We exchange phone numbers, and then I await the news that she’s been set free from the hospital so we could go on our date. Unfortunately, three days after I visit her, the cancer kills her. I go to the funeral with my friend, and started talking to one of the girl’s close friends. I tell her all about my visit, how the girl and I had hit it off, how we’d exchanged numbers, and so on.)

Me: “Her death… it was so unexpected. For the few times I’d talked to her, she always seemed like she was going to fight it and beat it, and she seemed fine three days ago.”

Girl’s Friend: “Yeah. She was like that. And it just sucks that you guys couldn’t even go out on one date.”

(We pause just long enough for my mouth/brain filter to shut off.)

Me: “Y’know, she didn’t have to do all this. She could’ve just said no.”

Girl’s Friend: *stares at me in astonishment for a moment, and then bursts out laughing* “She would have loved that!”

It’s A War-Zone Down There!

| IN, USA | Dating, Top

(My boyfriend and I are both history nerds and use wars (based on how bloody the war was) to describe the severity of my period. For example, the Cold War would be like best possible day since no blood was shed and World War II would be the worst possible day since it has the highest casualty count. We are hanging out with a mutual friend.)

Me: *hugs my knees to my chest and exhales in pain*

Friend: “Cramps?”

Me: *nods*

Boyfriend: “Vietnam War?”

Me: “Somewhere between Russian Civil War and Chinese Civil War.”

Boyfriend: *jumps to his feet* “I’m gonna go buy you some ice cream! I’ll be back in a bit!” *runs out of house*

Friend: “What just happened?!”

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