Not sure if it fits here, a friend of a friend is a nurse and heard the story at work.
A man was injured and sent to hospital. Before passing out, he asks the EMTs to tell his wife to not worry and to just go herself and that he’s fine, and to visit him later. At the hospital, they contact his wife and relay the info. Turns out, the couple was going to see a movie, whose lead actor is the wife’s favorite and never ever misses the first showing in cinemas. The wife actually went and hours later came to the hospital to find her husband had been awake most of the time, his injury not serious and was just under observation. He was still fine with everything and happy.
(My husband is standing on the other side of a closed door from me)
Husband: *shrieking sounds*
Me: Oh my goodness!! A pterodactyl!!
Husband: There’s a pterodactyl in the house!
Me: What do we doooo?!
Husband: Kill it!
Me: Kill the pterodactyl!
Husband: And eat it!
Me: And… What?!
Husband: You’ve never had pterodactyl?
Me: No, have you?
Me: Kill the pterodactyl and eat it!
Husband: [Cat]! Kill the pterodactyl!
Most people know that a) my girlfriend and I are both waiting until marriage to “consummate” our relationship and b) my girlfriend and I are both fairly reserved when it comes to expressing affection in certain social situations. So it came as a surprise to us when one night, while sitting downstairs in the basement after a family dinner, just talking, fully clothed…..
Girlfriend’s Dad: *from upstairs* Are you two coming upstairs for the movie?
Girlfriend: Maybe. It’s Scrooged?
Girlfriend’s Dad: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Mmmm, nah, that’s okay.
Girlfriend’s Dad: Okay, continue humping.
*We both squint and give each other the “seriously?!” look. Awkward laughter ensues*
(A while back my girlfriend and I tried a lavender milkshake and I said it tasted like soap, leading to this misunderstanding around Christmas.)
Girlfriend: “I told all my family to get you anything but lavender, since I know you hate it.”
Me: “I’m all for variety, and I don’t need more lavender, but that’s actually my favorite scent.”
Girlfriend: “But you said you hate lavender because it reminds you of hygiene products.”
Me: “Yeah, lavender flavored things are gross, because that’s my favorite scent for soap and stuff, so I’m ruined on the flavor.”
(I’m confused where she got that idea when she’s given me lavender in the past, but no harm done and I get to be surprised for Christmas.)
(I’m sitting on the bus with my husband (I’m female) and was reading not always friendly. I came across tha article https://notalwaysfriendly.com/frying-pansexual/43232 and passed the phone to my husband. I am pansexual myself)
Me: (after he is done reading) I wouldn’t sleep with broccoli and I love it
Husband: No, you just sleep with pans
Me: (stares at him)