Category: Young Love

Ah, young love–filled with such passion and promise. AKA, hormones and hopeless romanticism.

He Stuck The Landing

| CT, USA | Flirting, Young Love

(My senior year, in English class, as an assignment and ice breaker, our teacher assigns us to bring in an item to use as a metaphor for ourselves. The two most notable ones were my friend’s and his crush’s.)

Girl: *holds up duct tape* “I brought in duct tape because it holds things together just like how I connect my friends. It’s not very pretty, but it gets the job done. Just like me.”

(A bunch of other people present until…)

Friend: *holds up super glue* “I brought in glue because it can build or fix things if you try hard enough like I do.”

(Almost everyone forgets about these metaphors come prom season, when during lunch he comes up to the table where she’s eating with the dorkiest grin on his face. On the side are our other friends and I, as we’re recording all of this going down.)

Boy: *facing Girl* “[Girl], if you’re tape, and I’m glue, then will you stick together with me at Prom?”

Girl: “Oh, my gods, yes!” *she hugs him before looking at the sign properly, and she takes it and shows it to everyone while laughing*

(The sign? It was the word ‘PROM?’ spelled out in duct tape with glue squiggles as a frame.)

Following You Around For An Age (Gap)

| Germany | Harassment, Young Love

(My mother’s cousin recently moved back home to her parents after living and working abroad for many years. After staying at home with only her mother and her baby as company for months, she decides to join me and my mother for our town’s big carnival party. We dress up and decide to dance and drink the night away. Note that, while our cousin is in her late 30s, she could pass as mid-to-late-20s. We have lots of fun, dancing and drinking, and halfway through the night our cousin tells me this on the way to the ladies room:)

Cousin: “You know what happened earlier? There was this guy hitting on me at the bar, and, well… I know his father, you know? His father and I were in the same class in secondary school. And I am afraid that kid did not understand what I meant when I told him that! I already have a baby at home. I do not need another kid!”

(We laugh and return to the party. And lo and behold, I start noticing a guy, maybe 20 years old, but more likely 19 or 18, who is following our cousin around. He keeps up hitting on her and I eventually see her screaming at him:)

Cousin: “I could be your mother. Do you get that? I am the same age as your father! Please, go and hit on someone your age! I could be your mother!”

(However, he just kept staring at her with a dreamy look in his eyes. We did not get rid of him until we left after the party was over.)

Honeymoon Staged

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners, Young Love

(I’m not allowed to hang up unless the guest is swearing.)

Me: “Thank you for calling reservations. How may I help you?”

Guest: *low voice* “Yes, I got married today, and I wanted to book a surprise honeymoon. She’s asleep right now so I got to be quiet.”

Me: “Congratulations!”

(I ask for dates and start looking at listings.)

Guest: “Do you have any suites? Something sexy?”

(The guest’s wife wakes up at that moment, and a misunderstanding ensues.)

Guest: “No, I’m booking a room for US! No, I wasn’t calling HER sexy! I mean, YEAH she’s a lady, but I was talking about a ROOM!”

Me: *dying inside* “If you can hear me, ma’am, I can verify that I work for [Hotel] and I’m booking a room for YOUR honeymoon.”

(Things calm down, and I go on booking when…)

Guest: “No, baby, stop that!”

Me: *speechless*

Guest: “Hey, she wants me to ask you if it’s okay to book this while she’s sitting on my lap? She promises to be quiet.”

Me: *laughing helplessly* “If you can keep the same promise, I’m fine.”

(Finishes reservation as fast as possible while his wife tries to distract him.)

Me: “Okay, you’ll get the confirmation number. Anything else I can help you with?”

Guest: “Are you married?”

Me: “No…”

Guest: “You should call me on your break. You’ve been great!”

Me: “With all due respect, sir, I think you’ll be busy.”

Guest: “I’m gonna be honest. She’s across my lap right now—”

Me: “Sir, this call is being recorded, and I REALLY don’t want my boss to hear this, so I’m gonna stop you right there and wish you a happy honeymoon.”

Guest: “All right, but you have my info. We should all…” *groans* “…h-hang out!”

Me: *blushing* “Uh, you should get back to your wife. Good night, sir!”

Guest: *hangs up*

Me: *questions life*

I Want To Date A Real Boy!

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular, Young Love

(My family, a total of 18 people, has taken a trip to Italy over the summer to visit sights and to see other family. My youngest cousin, seven years old, who, already with a ‘boyfriend,’ has brought back a trinket for him. She tells my mother the following story:)

Cousin: *upon seeing her boyfriend the first day of school* “I got this for you, all the way in Florence!”

(She hands him a small, wooden Pinocchio figurine. Her boyfriend thanks her.)

Cousin: *the following day* “Where’s what I gave you?”

Boyfriend: “I didn’t like it, so I gave it to my mom.”

Cousin: “Oh. Well, I didn’t like it either, so that’s why I gave it to you.”

(My cousin has a history of pulling wisdom from beyond her years, but this is my favorite so far. She dumped her boyfriend of one school year the same day!)

Flirting Technique Needs (Home)Work

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Popular, Young Love

(I am picking my two sons, aged six and eight, from school. My eight-year-old is talking to a girl from his class.)

Girl: *to my eight-year-old* “Let’s exchange phone numbers. I’ll give you my number; you give me yours.”

Eight-Year-Old: “Why would I wanna do that?”

Girl: “You can call me if you need help with homework.”

Eight-Year-Old: “Nah. Dad checks my homework.”

Girl: “Here’s my number.” *the girl obviously didn’t hear a word my boy said, and hands him a small piece of paper* “What’s your number?”

Eight-Year-Old: “My mom won’t get me my own phone. You’re gonna have to buy me a phone so I can give you my number.”

Girl: “Oh, bummer.”

(They say goodbye and then I walk my sons to the car…)

Six-Year-Old: “You could’ve just given her our home number.”

Eight-Year-Old: “She wants to exchange numbers because I might need help with homework. Seriously? She knows I’m Student of the Month in our class.”

Six-Year-Old: “You mean she’s lying.”

Eight-Year-Old: “She just wants to call me.”

(My smooth criminal. I don’t know whether to be worried or amused. And he’s only eight!)

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