Category: Zombies

Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 18

PA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Zombies

(My boyfriend and I have discussed our zombie apocalypse plans. He’s told me he would try human right away so he had other fresh foods to go with it. We often pretend to be zombies and “chew” on each other. We’re on the phone when this conversation happens.)

Me: “So what was up with you biting me too hard the other day? Trying to see if I was tender enough yet?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! I was!”

Me: “You did elbow me a few times by accident. But maybe it’s not an accident! Maybe you’re intentionally tenderizing me!”

Boyfriend: “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Me: “So if you ever push me down the stairs I’ll know it’s the end. The ultimate tenderization.”

Boyfriend: “Exactly.”

Related:
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 17
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 16
Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 15

Until Undeath Do Us Part: The TV Show

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Zombies

Me: “What would you do if I become a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “I’d become a zombie as well.”

Me: “That’s it?”

Boyfriend: “I suppose we can solve crimes together?”

Me: “Er, what? How?”

Boyfriend: “There’s a show where zombies have visions of the person’s memories when they eat brains. The main character works in the morgue, eats the brains of murder victims, and solves the crime.”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 70
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 69
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 68

Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 70

| Portland, OR, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Zombies

(My boyfriend and I are chatting in bed before going to sleep. I hate the whole zombie apocalypse culture, and can’t stand the “what would you do if I got turned into a zombie?” stories. My boyfriend has just told me he loves zombie apocalypse stuff.)

Boyfriend: “So, what would you do if I got turned into a zombie?”

Me: *instantly* “I’d bludgeon you to death with the nearest hard object. Shut up.”

Boyfriend: “Oh…” *sounds disappointed*

Me: “Okay, fine. I give in. What would you do if I got turned into a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “I’d bludgeon you.”

Me: “With what?”

Boyfriend: “With my penis!”

Me: “You would have to be hard in order to bludgeon me with that. So you’re saying you’d be aroused by zombie me?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, absolutely! Dead vaginas are the best. Mmmmm.”

Me: “You’re disgusting. This is so going on the Internet.”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 68
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 67
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 66

Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 69

| Salisbury, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Zombies

(My girlfriend and I are lying in bed one morning and I decide to pop the question.)

Me: “What would you do if I became a zombie?”

Girlfriend: “Well, I’d make sure that you were a good zombie but if you weren’t I’d put you in a cage but if you got really bad I’d shoot you.”

Me: “Fair enough. If you turned I’d let you bite me ‘cause I know you like to win. Then I’d shoot you myself.”

Girlfriend: “I didn’t know we could do that!”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 67
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 66
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 65

Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 67

| NJ, USA | Marriage & Partners, Zombies

(After reading previous posts on this site, I decide to ask my wife “The Question.”)

Me: “What would you do if I became a zombie?”

Wife: *with no hesitation* “I’d shoot you in the face.”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Specifically the face? Not just the head?”

Wife: “No, the face.”

Me: “So if you shot me in the back of the head, that wouldn’t be good enough?”

Wife: “No, because after I shoot you in the back of the head, I’d need to shoot you in the face to make sure you were dead.”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 66
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 65
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 64

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