Archive for 2013

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A Fan Of Her Meow-Meows

| USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are taking a walk in the trails near his college. As it is secluded, we goof off.)

Boyfriend: “I love it when you wear sweaters! Your sweater kittens are adorable!” *he cups my breasts*

Me: “…what?”

Boyfriend: “Sweater kittens!” *he pokes my breasts as we walk*

Me: “…okay.”

Boyfriend: “Would it make you feel better if I called them sweater lions?”

Needs To Slow-Mo Down

| TX, USA | Dating

(I just sent my boyfriend a link to a gif of B-Mo from Adventure Time.)

Boyfriend: “B-Mo! If you dressed him in black and white stripes, he would be Bee-Mo!”

Me: “When he’s really happy, he’s Glee-Mo.”

Boyfriend: “When he’s sad, is he E-Mo?”

Me: “When he’s dragged behind a boat, he’s Ski-Mo. When he’s going to the bathroom, he’s Pee-Mo. When he looks like me, he’s Me-Mo. When he’s a tiny bug, he’s Flea-Mo. When he’s a girl, he’s She-Mo. When he’s out in the ocean, he’s Sea-Mo. When he’s being cheesy, he’s Brie-Mo. When he’s not in prison, he’s Free-Mo. When he’s drinking a chai latte, he’s Tea-Mo. When he unlocks doors, he’s Key-Mo. When there’s two more of him, he’s Three-Mo. When he sprouts leaves, he’s Tree-Mo.”

Boyfriend: “That is wonderful!”

Me: “I think I’m all out.”

Boyfriend: “I think I love you!”

Should Be A Trifle Concerned

| NB, Canada | Dating

(My girlfriend and I are lying in bed. I playfully grab her behind.)

Girlfriend: “Hey!”

Me: “I can do that. I’m allowed to.”

Girlfriend: *quoting the song “Bootylicious”* “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”

Me: “I am totally and completely ready for this jelly.”

Girlfriend: “In this situation I am doubtful of your jelly preparedness.”

Me: “I am jelly prepared. This jelly is my destiny. I have trained for this my entire life. Any jelly that I have been involved with in the past was merely practice for this one jelly.”

Girlfriend: “I’m not sure whether I should be amused, complimented, or offended.”

Me: “Probably a healthy dose of all three.”