One Ring To Rule Her All

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(My partner and I are both geeks, and love Lord of the Rings above all others. He does a really good Smeagol/Gollum impression, along with his actions. I have just arrived home.)

Me: “Hey! I’m home, and I have dinner.”

(I walk into living room and lights are off with curtains closed.)

Voice: “My own! My precious! We founds it!”

Me: *looking in corner* “Babe?!”

Partner: “We needs it! Must have the precious!”

(My partner slowly crawls from corner, I can barely see in the light.)

Partner: “Filthy hobbitses, they wants to takes it froms us! They wants to hurts us!”

Partner: *slight change in voice, Smeagol now* “But the masters is kind to us! The master takes care of us!”

Partner Gollum: “We dont’s need the master. We has the precious!”

(I am stood there, confused and shocked. I look in my partners hand, something glints.)

Partner Smeagol: “I’m not listening! I’m not listening!”

Partner Gollum: “We can go now! We can leave! Don’t you trust us?!”

Partner Smeagol: “No! Go away!”

Partner Gollum: “What?”

Partner Smeagol: “Leave and never comes back! My master will take care of me now!”

Partner Gollum: “No!”

Partner Smeagol: “Leave and never come back!”

Partner Gollum: *screams like in the movie*



Partner Smeagol: “We told him to go away… and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free! Master look after us now! Master even take Precious!”

(He hands me a ring, a replica of ‘The One Ring’.)

Partner Smeagol: “Will master be our Precious now?”

(That is how we got engaged.)

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