Unhappily Ever After

| Maryland, USA | Fights/Breakups, Marriage & Partners

Caller: “I want to check the status of my form to withdrawal my account.”

Me: “I’m sorry Sir, but you gave conflicting information on the form. In the section where it asked if you were married, you marked both ‘Yes’ and ‘No’.’

Caller: “…and?”

Me: “Well, sir, that is conflicting information, so it was kicked out of the system.”

Caller: “So, what should I mark?”

Me: “Well, are you married or not?”

Caller: “I’m married… but I don’t like her.”

Me: “It sounds like you’re separated, but just to check, are you legally married?”

Caller: “Yes, but I don’t feel like I’m married.”

Me: “If you aren’t legally divorced, you’ll need to mark that you are married.”

Caller: “But I don’t LIKE her!”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

Fast Times At Fry Cook High

, | Ontario, Canada | Family/Kids, Flirting, Young Love

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God… like.. could we talk to the cook?”

Me: “… what?”

Teenage girl #2: “Yeah. Could you go get him?”

Me: “Why?”

Teenage girl #1: “He’s hot.”

Me: “Alright, then.”

(The cook then comes out to talk with them.)

Cook: “Yes?”

Teenage girl #2: “Like… what’re you doing after work?”

Cook: “Going home to see my one month old son and girlfriend.”

Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God, you have a son!? That’s so gross. You’re so young!”

Cook: “This is why you use condoms, kids. Stay in school!”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

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Be Prepared… For Some Womanly Advice

| New Jersey, USA | Advice, Fights/Breakups, Hall of Fame, Top

(Note: I’m a teenager and doing Girl Scout fund raising by bagging at a local grocery store. All the other lanes had baggers, leaving me at self-check out. A customer notices me reaching for his items.)

Customer: “I… uh… please… uh… DON’T!”

(I notice his purchase consists of condoms, roses, and chocolates.)

Me: “Oh! So, anniversary, or did you just piss her off?”

Customer: “The second.”

Me: “That bad, eh?”

Customer: “Yeah, and she hasn’t given me any since! What kind of bulls*** is that?”

Me: “When did this start happening?”

Customer: “Like a week ago! I don’t even know what I did wrong!”

Me: “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for these?” *holds up the box of condoms*

Customer: *sarcastically* “What would a Girl Scout know anyways? Since you’re the expert, why don’t you tell me what to do?”

(I talk to the guy for around 15 minutes and he leaves. The next week, he comes in while I’m bagging as usual. Without a word, he comes up to me, hands me a $20 bill and leaves without buying anything.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right

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Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family/Kids, Hall of Fame, Marriage & Partners, Top

(I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

Little girl: “Robert!”

Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

(Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right

Sweethearts Sans Sweets

| NSW, Australia | Marriage & Partners

(This happens just after Father’s Day, as my siblings and I always get our father a special “Dad’s Bag” from a well-known Australian retailer. It includes an assortment of candies and chocolates.)

Mum: “You going to share your chocolate with me?”

Dad: “Sure…”

(My dad starts sorting through the chocolate, while mum waits expectantly.)

Dad: “Hmm, not this one. I love these ones…”

(My dad keeps sorting, while mum continues to wait patiently.)

Dad: “Not this one either…”

(Finally, my dad reaches deep in bag, and looks back at my mum.)

Dad: “Oh, here you go! I’ll share this with you!”

Mum: *excitedly* “Oooh, what is it?

Dad: “The card!”

Mum: *not so excited*