Hats Off To The Hat

| USA | Fights/Breakups, Hall of Fame, Marriage & Partners, Top

(At the time of this conversation, my wife and I were estranged. She had requested a picture of me to show to our son for his birthday via text message. I was wearing the fedora she bought me as a gift the previous year. I sent the picture and the following exchange happened over the phone.)

Her: “Well, at least you still look good.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Her: “I see you got a new hat. Looks good. Some woman buy it for you?”

Me: “Yeah. She is kind of hot, too.”

Her: *sounds sad* “Oh?”

Me: “You did…for our anniversary. Last year.”

Her: *sounds happy* “Oh!”

(We have since reconciled!)

Man 1, Bag 0, Chivalry -1

| Bellingham, WA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(It is late at night and I am trying to finish a project for work. My husband is “keeping me company” by playing a video game nearby. The last step is to put a label on the package. The labels are in a clear plastic bag, which I struggle to open, before giving up.)

Me: “Honey, can you open this for me?”

(My husband takes the bag, easily pops it open, and returns to his game. I finish my task.)

Me: “Honey, do you love me even though I’m not smarter than a plastic bag?”

Husband: “Darling, I love you because you are not smarter than a plastic bag.”

Can’t Help Flailing In Love

| Burnsville, MN, USA | Flirting, Young Love

(Note: I’m a teenage girl volunteering at a concert venue. A male teenage customer approaches my concession stand.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like some water.”

Me: “Okay, let me grab some from the fridge.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(The customer pays and leaves, only to come back a few minutes later to buy some more water. He continues to do this nine more times.)

Me: “Must be really thirsty tonight, huh?”

Customer: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “You’ve just bought quite a bit of water. There is a drinking fountain over there, you know.”

Customer: *stares at me dead in the eyes*

Me: “Is it hot outside or something?”

Customer: “Wanna see how long I can spin around on this stool?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Will you time me?”

Me: “Well, I guess so.”

Customer: “Okay, go!”

(The boy then proceeds to fall off the chair and go flailing onto the floor.)

Me: “Oh, my god! Are you alright?”

Customer: “You’re cute.”

Me: “Um, that’s flattering. Are you okay?”

Customer: “I wanna be your boyfriend!”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

You Say Tomato, I Say Prenatal

| Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada | Engaged, Family/Kids

(I’m getting ready to make dinner. Note that my fiancé and I have not been intimate for a few months now due to an injury he sustained kickboxing.)

Me: *walks into room* “Hey babe, I have some bad news.”

Fiancé: “Oh my God, you’re pregnant!”

Me: “Uh…no. We’re out of spaghetti sauce.”

Fiancé: *rushes up and hugs me* “I love you anyway.”

Me: *speechless*

Fiancé:Especially your empty womb.”

I Think I’m Gonna Be Love-Sick

| Washington, DC, USA | Proposals

(My boyfriend and I are at the zoo. While standing in front of the lion exhibit, I turn around and see him with a ring.)

Him: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Yes!”

(A little later, after talking about why he chose that spot…)

Him: “I did consider proposing in front of the vomiting gorillas, but it was too crowded….”