Legging Yourself Out Of A Hole

| North Dakota, USA | Engaged

(I am getting out of the shower, and my fiancé is combing his hair in front of the mirror.)

Me: “Ugh, it takes so long to shave my legs!”

Fiancé: “Yeah, you’ve got a lot of area to cover.”

Me: “…”

Fiancé: *panicked look* “I mean…your legs are big! I mean…long! You know what I mean!” *runs out of bathroom*

Obviously Oblivious

| College Station, TX, USA | Hall of Fame, Proposals, Top

(My university has this beautiful old tree on campus called The Century Tree that couples traditionally get engaged under. While killing time waiting for my boyfriend one night, I am walking by it with some of my friends and see that there are a bunch of guys in a saber arch and a crowd gathered.)

Me: “Oh, look! Somebody’s getting proposed to! [Friend #1], do you want to go watch? I know you’ve never seen one before.”

Friend #1: “Sure, let’s go stalk them.”

Friend #2: “Come on, let’s get a good viewpoint.”

(All of my friends start walking right up the middle of the plaza where the girl being proposed to usually walks.)

Me: “You guys, get out of the way!”

(I attempt to hide behind one of my friends.)

Friend #3: “Dude, it’s fine.”

Me: “No, she’s going to show up any second and we are directly in the way! Go over there and sit down or something! God, this is embarrassing! Everyone’s looking at us!”

Friend #2, to me: “Get out from behind me!”

Me: “Oh god, you guys, seriously…”

(Finally, [Friend #3] gives up.)

Friend #3, to me: “WILL YOU JUST PLEASE LOOK RIGHT THERE!”

(He points to the tree. I look over and see my boyfriend standing there. He’s wearing his nicest uniform and looking completely confused.)

Me: *light bulb goes on* “Ooooooh!”

(Later, my new fiancé confessed that he had a mild panic attack when I attempted to hide behind one of my friends. I am the most oblivious person on the planet.)

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It’s Complicated (Payment, That Is)

| California, USA | Dating

(I work in a deli making sandwiches to order. I’ve just finished making sandwiches for a young couple.)

Me: “Are you guys together?”

Male customer: “Um…well…we’ve been seeing each other for a while, like a few weeks…I don’t know if we’d say we’re together…I don’t think–”

Female customer: “Yes, we are.” *turns to him* “She just wanted to know if we were paying together!”

This Buoy’s A Keeper

| USA | Dating

(Note: “bow” in this context refers to the front of a boat.)

Me: “I am firmly anchored to you.”

Girlfriend: “Does that mean I’m the bottom of the sea?”

Me: “Or a boat. Which would you rather be?”

Girlfriend: “I’m not a boat. What a rude thing to think of your girlfriend!”

Me: “You could be a luxury yacht…”

Girlfriend: “Big and expensive?”

Me: “Luxurious and with a large bow.”

Girlfriend: “Hmm, maybe. You seem to have talked your way out of that one. Congratulations.”

Me: “You should expect no less from your anchor.”

Girlfriend: “I love you more than any boat has ever loved an anchor!”

Four Little Words

| Rhode Island, USA | Golden Years, Top

(I’m visiting with my grandparents. My grandpa is trying to open a bag of cookies, and accidentally rips it so they end up spilling all over the floor. Note that my grandmother doesn’t hear very well. )

Grandpa: “SON OF A B****!”

Grandma: *from the other room* “Charlie did you just call me?”

Grandpa: “Um, yeah…I said I love you!”

Grandma, to me: “Make sure you take notes from him. A girl loves to hear that from time to time!”

Grandpa and me: *laughing hysterically*