Leave The Acting To The Actors

| San Marcos, CA, USA | Engaged

(I’m sitting on the couch with my fiancé and we’re flipping through Netflix trying to find something to watch.)

Me: “Would you just pick something already?!”

Fiancé: “Like what? What are you in the mood for?”

Me: “Something funny.”

Fiancé: “How about Big Trouble in Little China?”

Me: “Good movie, but no thanks.”

(Suddenly, he stands up.)

Fiancé: “This just isn’t going to work.”

(My fiancé collects his belongings, puts on his shoes, and walks out the door. As I sit there in shock and mouth agape, he comes back in the house.)

Fiancé: “Just kidding hun! Haha! Good commitment though, huh?”

Me: “You’ll be sleeping on the couch. There’s Big Trouble in Little San Marcos tonight!”

Why Men Never Hear The End Of It

| Seattle, WA, USA | Engaged

Me: “Joe?”

Fiancé: *no response*

Me: “Hey, Joe!”

Fiancé: *nothing*

Me: “Joseph!”

Fiancé: *no response*

Me: “Dumba**!”

Fiancé: *no response*

Me: *yelling at ear-splitting volume* “I will slap your mother with a fish, murder your puppy, and leave you in the forest to die with Cujo and the Littlest Hobo!”

Fiancé: *still no response*

Me: *muttering as I walk away* “…a**hole.”

Fiancé: “Did you just say something?”

Do Not Get Hitched, Go Directly To Jail

| Carlisle, PA, USA | Proposals

Customer: “I’d like to order a cake.”

Me: “Alright, what size cake did you want?”

(We go through the details of the cake.)

Me: “And what did you want the cake to say?”

Customer: “Welcome home from jail. Will you marry me?”

Me: “Okay…”

(The next week, the same customer comes back in with the cake.)

Customer: “I’d like a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What is wrong with it?”

Customer: “He said no!”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

The Ups And Downs Of Love

| Seattle, WA, USA | Flirting

(I’m at a convention in the Seattle area. The previous night, I’d gone to see a mock-up version of The Dating Game, where one of the hidden bachelorettes was very clearly a man. Throughout the show, he would occasionally assure the bachelor, in a very deep, masculine voice, “I am a woman.” The next day, while going up an escalator, I see the male-bachelorette on the down escalator while I’m going up.)

Me: “Hey! It’s you, from the dating game!”

Him: *looks puzzled*

Me: *in a deep voice* “I am a woman!”

(It finally clicks for him, and he proceeds to shout from behind me after our escalators have passed.)

Him: *as his escalator continues down* “I’ll be a man for you, baby!”

(Regrettably, I did not see him again for the rest of the convention.)

How To Make Proposals Ring True

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Hall of Fame, Proposals

(My boyfriend and I have been having an awesome day at Disneyland. However, he’s been trying to take my promise ring from me the entire day.)

Boyfriend: *reaches for my hand, pulling on the ring* “This roller coaster is really shaky. I should hold onto your ring so it won’t fall off.”

Me: “Nah, it’s okay. It hasn’t fallen off the other times we went on it.”

(Later, during fireworks…)

Boyfriend: *holds my hand, pulling on the ring slightly* “I want to see what your ring looks like in the moonlight.”

Me: “Why do you keep trying to take my ring?!”

Boyfriend: *yelling* “BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO PROPOSE TO YOU!” *switches back to normal voice* “By the way, will you marry me?”

(After laughing and giving him the ring, he got down on one knee with it and did it proper. I said yes!)