Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future

| Rio Rancho, NM, USA | Marriage & Partners, Top

Coworker: “Yes, miss. I understand it’s an emergency, But let me ask my coworker. He probably knows what you’re looking for!”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “This woman was sent in looking for an item. She said it’s called a … a … something capacitor.”

Me: “Well, we don’t really carry any capacitors here. That’s more of a true electronics store thing.”

Customer: “Please, it’s my son’s birthday and my husband says that we desperately need to find a 120 volt flux capacitor for my son’s Xbox!”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you have a Mr. Fusion, I don’t know where you’re gonna need something like that.”

Customer: “What do you mean? My husband said this was an emergency! I have been to 3 stores and no one knows what I’m talking about!”

Me: *laughs* “Well, your husband sent you for a part to a time machine.”

Customer: “I am going to kill that man!”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

Marital Bliss In All Its Forms, Part 3

| Sydney, Australia | Marriage & Partners, Top

(A husband and wife couple have me on speakerphone so that they can get help troubleshooting. I’m typing up some notes while their PC reboots, which they can apparently hear…)

Customer: “Wow, that sounds like a machine gun. ‘That your typing, sweetheart?”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, it is… I can type pretty fast.”

Customer: “You married at all?”

Me: “Nope, not yet. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Doesn’t surprise me love, with fingers that fast you don’t need a man!”

Me: *mouth agape*

(Suddenly, I hear a smacking noise followed by the man cursing.)

Customer’s wife: “Ignore Ron… he’s a pig, dear. He’s lucky he’s married himself. I’m sure you’re lovely.”

Customer: “Isn’t it time a house fell on you, my darling wife?”

Me: *mouth still agape*

Related:
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

Please Do Not Titillate The Employees

| Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA | Family/Kids, Flirting, Young Love

(I’m 17 and am volunteering at the museum for a ride that takes you on a trip to Mars.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can my son go in there?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s no room and this is the last ride.”

Customer: “Hmph.” *drags her son away and whispers something to him*

Customer’s son: “Um, hi.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer’s son: “My mom told me to flirt with you so I could see the ride.”

Me: “Uh… yeah. I can’t let you do that.”

Customer’s son: “Okay.” *goes back to his mother*

Customer: “Well, fine then, young lady. I want to see your manager.”

Me: “Okay, he’s the man over there in the blue shirt with gold collars.”

Customer: “I’m going to tell him you won’t flirt with my son!” *goes away and takes her son with her*

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

As Long As You’re Happy

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Advice, Dating

Customer: “If I buy a popcorn, can I get a drink for $2?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; everything is full price.”

Customer: “My man that I’m dating is such a cheapskate! He only gave me $5! He’s such an a**hole! *pause* “You need to find a rich one.”

Me: “Ha ha, yeah.”

Customer: *leans across the counter and lowers her voice* “A rich one…who’s good in bed.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *as an afterthought* “I guess he should have a good heart, too.”

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

She Who Wears The Pants, Part 2

| Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Fights/Breakups, Marriage & Partners

(I’m helping a couple check out at the front desk.)

Me: “Okay, and how would you like to settle the bill?”

Husband: “Put it on my card you have.”

Wife: “No, put it on my credit card.” *hands me her credit card*

Husband: “No! put it on my credit card!”

Wife: “Don’t worry about him, just put it on mine.”

Husband: *grabs wife’s credit card*

Wife: “Fine, do what you want! I’m out of here!” *storms out of the hotel*

(The husband runs out after his wife; 10 minutes passes by and he finally returns.)

Husband, very quietly: “Put it on her card…”

Related:
She Who Wears The Pants

Also seen on: Not Always Right.