My Cup And My Joe

| Fairfax, VA, USA | Marriage & Partners

Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “Yes!” *gives email* “That’s my husband’s email.”

Me: “Oh, lots of people share accounts, it’s okay. It helps you get rewards faster.”

Customer: “My husband’s really handsome…but he’s mine!” *glares at me*

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “He’s handsome and he’s mine!”

Co-worker: “Uh, medium mocha at the bar?”

Customer: “Oh! That’s mine!” *glares at me* “Like my husband!”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Folder

| California, USA | Engaged, Flirting, Hall of Fame, Top

(It’s the last term of senior year at college, and I live in a dorm. My door is half open as I’m folding some laundry casually and a very cute girl walks by. She sees me and pokes her head in.)

Cute girl: “Oh God, guys folding laundry? I look forward to how wrinkly you’ll be!”

Me: “Hey, now, I can fold my own laundry pretty darn well.” *demonstrates on a pair of pants*

(Suddenly, the cute girl begins to speak super fast.)

Cute girl: “Uh…you’re really super cute and I’ve liked you through, like, all of college and stuff but I never got up the courage to ask you out and I was hoping to just kind of help you fold laundry and be all flirty and see where it goes and stuff.” *turns and begins to walk away*

Me: “Hang on!”

(I quickly crumple up the pair of jeans I just folded.)

Me: “Can you teach me to fold these? I figured you might know.”

(We ended up talking for hours and we never did get that pair of laundry folded, but we’re currently engaged!)

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Less Stupid, More Cupid

| Canada | Dating

Me: “Please stop saying you’re romantic. You aren’t at all.”

Boyfriend: “I am so romantic.”

Me: “Oh yeah? Name something romantic you did during our past three years together.”

Boyfriend: “I took you to the movies last week.”

Me: “First, Transformers isn’t romantic. Second, you dropped me off and went straight home after.”

Boyfriend: “But I paid, didn’t I?!”

Me: “Yes, but your sister was with us!”

He Prefers The Strong And Silent Type

| Melbourne, Australia | Advice

(An older customer enters the restaurant and walks straight to the bar where I’m drying glasses. Note that I’m female.)

Me: “Yes sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “No, that won’t do.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That’s a weak mentality. None of this, ‘Yes sir, no sir,’ business. You need to have confidence in yourself, men don’t like women without confidence!”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry sir. See, my job is–”

Customer: “Still with the yes sir, no sir! I don’t like it. Stop it!”

Me: *says nothing*

Customer: “Better.” *walks off to a table*

Also seen on: Not Always Right

Taking The Two Out Of Together

| Harrisburg, PA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(Due to employment incentives, for the past few years my father has lived in another town and came home on the weekends. After retiring, he moved back home with my mom. Shortly after, I get a call from my mom, who works full time as a professor.)

Me: “Hi mom, what’s up–”

Mom: “Your father is driving me crazy!”

Me: “So, what did he do?”

Mom: “I was leaving for work, and…”

Me: “What did he do?”

Mom: *angrily “He asked me what I wanted for dinner!”

Me: “The nerve of him.”