Double The 60Hz, Double The Fun

, | Panama City, FL, USA | Golden Years

(I notice an elderly couple in my department, browsing TVs.)

Me: “Welcome to [electronics store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Husband: “Yes, we’re looking for a 46″ TV, but we aren’t sure what kind we need. Can you help us?”

Me: “Certainly. First off, what will you mostly be watching? Sports, movies, video games?”

Husband: “Mostly porn.”

Wife: “Oh, don’t tell him that!”

Me: “Well, then I suppose we’ll be needing an LCD with motion processing.”

Wife: “Why’s that?”

Me: “Well, we wouldn’t want it to blur during the good parts…”

Also seen on: Not Always Right

Not A Pretty Slight

| Toronto, Canada | Dating, Flirting

(At the grocery store, a boy at the seafood counter is very flirty and smiling constantly. Here’s what happens when I return to the car with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Jesus, baby, the guy in there was looking at me like I was the prettiest girl in the world!”

Boyfriend: “Must have been a slow day!”

A Thread Giveaway

| London, UK | Advice, Proposals

(A man comes to my till to buy a roll of satin ribbon. In his other hand, he is holding a tiny gift box of the kind used for jewellery.)

Me: “Oh, are you buying this to tie around the box?”

Customer: *slightly unsure* “Yes?”

Me: “Would you like me to tie if for you?”

Customer: “Oh yes, please!”

(I tie the ribbon in a lovely bow around the box.)

Me: “How’s this?”

Customer: *worried* “It…it may be too good…”

Me: *confused silence*

Customer: “If you saw this would you…would you think it’s a ring?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Would you think I was proposing? Because that wouldn’t be good.”

Me: “I think it’ll be okay.”

Customer: “Right. Well, if it all goes wrong, I’m coming back!”

(The customer leaves with his prettily tied box. So far, I haven’t seen him back. Hopefully this means I haven’t ruined his life!)

Settling For Yes

| Chicago, IL, USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners, Proposals

(I’m talking to my mom about her marriage to my stepdad.)

Me: “I’m glad stepdad and I finally got you to say yes to marrying him, mom. We only had to ask six times!”

Mom: “Yeah, well…”

Me: “So, what made you change your mind?”

(A dreamy, in-love look comes across my mom’s face.)

Mom: “I just finally realized that he was the best I could do.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I probably wouldn’t tell him that, mom…”

A Knight In A Shining Apron

| UK | Hall of Fame, Marriage & Partners, Top, Young Love

(This happened about 5 years ago, when I was doing weekend work having just turned 18. A customer in his 50s approaches my checkout.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but why aren’t you wearing your ring? That’s very disrespectful.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but what ring?”

Customer: “You know, your wedding ring?”

Me: “I think you may have mistaken me for someone else. I’m not married–I’m only 18.”

Customer: “When I was your age, I was married and my wife was pregnant with our son! How can you not be married yet?! It’s getting far too late for you! No one will ever want to marry you at this rate!”

(I love the idea of romance, and am very emotional, so I have tears in my eyes, even though I know he is wrong. A male coworker has been listening the whole time and speaks up to defend me.)

Male coworker: “I disagree, sir. I, for one, would like to marry her.”

(In frustration, the man takes his shopping bags and storms out the shop, all the while muttering. My coworker and I went out for drinks after work, and now, five years on, he really is my fiancé! I suppose I have a lot to thank that man for!)

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