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Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It’s Captain Obvious

| CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are lying in bed each playing with our phones. He is playing his airplane game.)

Husband: “I just crashed my plane.”

Me: “Just start over.”

Husband: “I can’t be a pilot. I’d kill a lot of people.”

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Drunk On Love

| Kalamazoo, MI, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(I work at a store that sells, among many things, beer and wine. Two hours before the end of my shift, my girlfriend comes in and buys a good sized (but not huge) bottle of wine. As she leaves, I jokingly say not to drink it all at once. Two hours later, I get to her apartment and find that while reading she has, in fact, downed the entire bottle, so she is fairly tipsy, to say the least.)

Girlfriend: “You know I love you, right?”

Me: “Of course. I love you, too.”

Girlfriend: “No, but not, like, drunk love. Like, when you’re drunk and are all like ‘I love you, man.’”

Me: “I know what you mean.”

Girlfriend: “It’s real love, which is, like, drunk love multiplied by forever…”

Me: *stares for a second, then we both burst out laughing* “My god, I need to write down what you say when drunk…”

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Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 7

| Denmark | Marriage & Partners, Pokemon, Popular

(My husband and I are lying in bed, looking online, when I come across this ‘What type of Pokémon are you’ quiz where you have to use your birth month and day to find the types. My husband and I are both pretty big nerds, so he and I have this conversation. It should be noted that I’m pregnant.)

Me: “Huh, I’m a water normal type Pokémon.”

Husband: “Oh, what am I?”

Me: “Fighting water… What kind of Pokémon is water normal type?”

(There’s a moment of silence between us where I’m looking to see what the rest of my family will be and I’m assuming he’s fallen asleep.)

Husband: “Magikarp!”

Me: *gasp in horror and start laughing* “Oh, h***, no! I’m a Vaporion at least.”

Husband: *nudging my back* “Hey! Hey! Honey? Use Splash.”

Me: *turns around and smacks his arm, still laughing* “Mother-f****, I will evolve into a dragon in a second!”

Husband: *laughing his a** off* “It’s super effective.”

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 6
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 5
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 4

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Engaging The Reptile Part Of Your Brain

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(I’m texting my boyfriend, and the subject of snakes comes up. He does not like snakes; I do.)

Boyfriend: “I’m just glad snakes don’t have legs. They’re scary enough as it is. Can you imagine a snake with legs?”

Me: “I can, actually. They’re called lizards.”

Boyfriend: “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”

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Lemelancholic

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are sitting at home, eating some desserts we’d purchased from a frozen foods company. I have apple pie and he has a chocolate cheesecake.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, this isn’t cheesecake. It’s chocolate lemon mousse… Try some.”

(I am hesitant because I am not a fan of either chocolate mousse or lemon, but I try some anyway.)

Me: “Wow, that’s gross.”

Boyfriend: “I know.”

Me: “Why’d you make me try some, then?”

Boyfriend: “I didn’t want to suffer alone.”

(Gee, thanks.)