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Can’t Top That

| Westchester, NY, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend, some friends and I are going into the city from the suburbs to have bottomless brunch, where you pay a flat fee to have as many alcoholic drinks as you want, within a certain time limit. As we’re leaving my house my boyfriend asks if he can grab a beer for the train, which I think is weird seeing as we’re about to get unlimited drinks, but I say sure.)

Boyfriend: *waiting on train platform* “So, I brought a [Beer] and a [Different Brand Beer] for the train…”

Friend: “Wow, you go hard… We’re about to have unlimited drinks!”

Boyfriend: “What? That’s what ‘bottomless’ means?”

Me: *laughing* “Yeah, what did you think it meant?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. I thought it was just a cute name!”

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To Keep Your Girlfriend Then Keep To Time

| NY, USA | Dating, Popular

(I normally commute home on the train and then drive back from the train station, but today my friend at work is having a goodbye party, so I get a ride to work from my dad. I’ve arranged with my boyfriend that he will pick me up that night and I’ll stay at his house.)

Me: *texting* “Sorry, this is going a bit later than I thought. I’ll leave soon, though.”

Boyfriend: “No worries, I’m just cleaning up around the house.”

Me: *a bit later* “Okay, I left and I’ll probably catch the train that gets in at [time]. Is that good?”

Boyfriend: “Yup, I’ll be there!”

(I get to the train station about two minutes later than the schedule says, but I don’t see my boyfriend’s car. I call him, assuming he’s driving, and he answers.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, babe, what’s up?”

Me: “Hey, I’m at the station.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, s***! Didn’t you say [time 15 minutes later]? I must have reversed the numbers!”

Me: “No, I said [original time]. It doesn’t have any of the same numbers…”

Boyfriend: “Oh… I guess I just made that up, then.”

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Got It A Mitt Wrong

| PA, USA | Engaged, Popular

(If my fiancé does not know what the word for an object is off the top of his head, he will often make one up, expecting me to know what he’s talking about. I’m about to do some laundry when he calls to me.)

Fiancé: “Do you want to wash the kitchen gloves?”

Me: “The kitchen gloves? What are those?”

Fiancé: “You know. The gloves you use when the oven gets too hot.”

Me: “…Oven mitts?”

Fiancé: “Well, I don’t know what you women call things!”