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Can’t Outrun Traffic

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’m walking down a footpath on very busy street with my boyfriend and a close mutual friend. I and friend are both female. My boyfriend is always a gentleman, holding doors open, ladies first etc. Friend notices that boyfriend is walking closest to the road the busy road.)

Friend: “[My Name], you’re so lucky. [Boyfriend] is such a gentleman; he even walks closest to the traffic.”

Me: “I only let him so he has nowhere to run.”

(For the record I really do love him and he thought this was hilarious.)

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Presents Of Christmas Past

| MD, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend comes over for a visit. It is important to note that I am wearing a shirt he got me for Christmas.)

Boyfriend: *looks at shirt* “That’s a cool shirt. Where did you get it?”

(I just stare at him in disbelief.)

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “You got it for me… for Christmas.”

Boyfriend: “Oh. Well, it looks good on you.”

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Need To Fix His Sense Of Humor

| Denver, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I have just noticed that the corner of the fitted sheet on our bed is pulling up.)

Me: “We need to fix the sheets.”

Husband: “Why? Are you afraid they’re going to breed?”

Me: *whacks husband with a pillow*

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Ignoring The Six Red Flags

| USA | Advice, Exes/Old Flames

(My friend has been in very rocky relationship with a girl who has cheated on him on multiple occasions and he keeps taking her back. After this most recent patch, I’ve been serving as a shoulder to cry on, both literally and figuratively, while, at the same time, trying to encourage him to end it with her for good. He finally hits a point where he’s ready to throw her out when I receive a message from him.)

Friend: “Hey, just letting you know that [Girlfriend] and I are going to Six Flags tomorrow.”

Me: “What?! Just a week ago, you were ready to kick her out, and now you’re going with her to an amusement park?”

Friend: “I know it seems crazy, but I’m trying not to think about things at the moment and just have a good time.”

(I’m annoyed, but decide not to say anything further until the next day when he sends me another message.)

Friend: “[Girlfriend] just won this for me at one of the booths.”

(He sends me a picture of a Superman plushy.)

Me: *head-desk*

(They ended up getting back together only to finally break up six months later over the same issues as last time. This time, thankfully, he wasn’t as broken up about it.)

Hop To The Dark Side

| Devon, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(I’m depressed and in a generally foul mood, sitting on my bed in a large black and red hoodie, which I often call my “Sith” hoodie, when my husband comes in and gives me a hug.)

Me: “Don’t cuddle Sith Lords.”

Husband: *husband backing off and giving me an appraising look* “How about Sith bunnies?”

Me: *dies laughing*