Flirtation Cleanup Required At Checkouts

| Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I am at the grocery store with my boyfriend and we are held up in the checkout line due to a price check issue. I notice, as time goes on, that the checkout girl is flirting with my boyfriend — playing with her hair, giggling at everything he says, and batting her eyelashes — while brushing me off whenever I try to enter the conversation. I’m not the jealous type, but I bring this up as we’re leaving the store.)

Me: “Sooo, I hope you don’t think I’m crazy, but I think that checkout girl was flirting with you…”

Boyfriend: “You got that, too!? I got a vibe, but I kept telling myself that there was no way she was hitting on me with my girlfriend right there.”

Me: “Yeeeeah, she was doing her best to pretend I wasn’t there. Probably hoping I was your cousin or sister, or thinking she could take me.”

Boyfriend: “Take you? Not a chance.”

Me: “She WAS really pretty, though.”

Boyfriend: “Perhaps she was attractive, but I’m not attracted to her. I’m attracted to you. Besides, I thought maybe she was just being friendly because it’s her job.”

Me: “Babe, it’s her job to check you out, but she was CHECKING you OUT.”

Boyfriend: “Ooh, that’s terrible!”

Me: “Yet obvious. Admit it; you’re ashamed that you didn’t think of it first.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah… I kind of am…”


You’re Both My Number One And My Number Two

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(The first three letters of my name are Poo. My boyfriend is getting cheesy with me and says this:)

Boyfriend: “Remember that I will always have ‘P’ in my heart.”

Me: “Eww… that doesn’t sound good.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, so how about I will always have Poo in my heart?”

Me: “Forget it.”


Here We Pokémon Go Again

| Jerusalem, Israel | Marriage & Partners, Pokemon, Popular

(My wife is playing a certain augmented-reality game, and I am trying to talk to her. She objects:)

Wife: “I can’t concentrate right now. There’s a bat in the house making noises.”

Me: “A bat.”

Wife: “Yes. It’s on [Baby]’s diaper.”

Me: “You know, ten years ago they called that schizophrenia.”

(Later, while I was typing this in and showing it to her…)

Wife: “Wonderful. Wonderful. Laugh at your wife. It was making noises!”