Maximum Damage

| USA | Dating

(My girlfriend is lying in bed reading my anatomy book.)

Girlfriend: “Gluteus maximus. I don’t want that!”

Me: “That’s your butt. You have a very nice one.”

Girlfriend: *pouting* “But I don’t want a gluteus maximus. I want a gluteus minimus!”

(I start laughing.)

Girlfriend: “Stop making fun of my maximus!”

The Wrong Plaice For That Word

| Surrey, England, UK | Dating

(I’m at a hotel due to a business trip, and my dinner took some time to make despite it being fish & chips.)

Me: “40 minutes for a piece of fish, and it was dead!”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “The restaurant. I ordered cod and chips and while the menu says it’s battered to order, it does NOT take 40 minutes and two chase-ups to make!”

Boyfriend: “Oh! The place was dead. Or should I say plaice?”

Smaller Than Your Pinky

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Dating

(My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting engaged for a while. His taste of engagement rings is a little different.)

Boyfriend: “I already told you what sort of diamond I’m getting. A pink one!”

Me: “I thought you were joking… pink? How pink are we talking here. I don’t even like that colour, at all.”

Boyfriend: “Don’t worry, the diamond will be so small you won’t even be able to tell it’s pink!”

Me: “…”