Crushes Can Be Crushing

| NJ, USA | Dating

(My crush lives up the street from me, so we are on the same bus in high school. It’s our sophomore year…)

Me: *in a note* “I like you a lot and want to know if you also liked me.” *bolts into my house*

(A few minutes later, he’s walked back down:)

Him: *in the note* “I’m sorry, but no and I’m not ready for a girlfriend now.”

(The next day on the bus home:)

Him: “So I asked [Girl in our class] to homecoming this morning and she seemed really excited but hasn’t talked to me all day. You’re a girl; what does that mean?”

Me: “…”

Juggling Too Many Skills

| Lake Forest, CA, USA | Dating

(We’re lying in bed, about to go to sleep:)

Me: *blows a raspberry on boyfriend’s chest*

Boyfriend: “Oh, excuse me.”

Me: “I didn’t know your nipple could fart!”

Boyfriend: “If you think that’s a trick, wait until you see what my bellybutton can do.”

Me: “Can it whistle?”

Boyfriend: “…I wish I’d thought of that. The only thing I could think of was juggle, but that seemed too outrageous.”

Trust Is Painful

| Uppsala, Sweden | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are notorious goofballs. While we’re standing up and talking, I keep slipping backwards and he keeps on catching me. We have fun with that for a moment.)

Me: “This is like those trust exercises. Only we’re doing them the wrong way around, I should be falling backwards into your arms.”

Boyfriend: “Let’s give it a try!”

(I fall; he catches me.)

Me: “Your turn!”

Boyfriend: “No way. I would never do that. I don’t want to hurt myself.”

Me: “Come on. We can do it the wrong way again, so you’ll see that I’ll catch you.”

(He agrees and starts falling towards me, but his shoulder hits me in the mouth and somehow I also manage to stub my toe against his foot. While I bleed from my mouth and limp towards the kitchen, my boyfriend is practically rolling on the floor laughing. I’m laughing too, through tears.)

Me: *muffled* “Let’s agree to never trust each other again…”

Knife-Sharp Humor

| Westchester, NY, USA | Dating

(I seem to have really hit it off with a guy on an Internet dating site, so we start texting. After a few days of that, we are both eager to meet up.)

Him: “Okay, let’s meet up at [Bar] for a couple of drinks on Tuesday. Then once I make sure you’re not an axe murderer, we can probably hang out over the weekend.”

Me: “That’s rude. I’m not an axe murderer… I only use a machete.”

Him: “Well, make sure it’s not dull. I’m impatient.”

A Different Kind Of Break-Up

| ON, Canada | Dating

(I am talking over Skype with a guy I have a crush on. There’s been a lot of drama going on with my family and friends which I have told him about. He lives pretty far away from me, as travel takes about two days by car.)

Him: “So, how have you been lately?”

Me: “All right, just really stressed. I feel like with everything that’s been going on I’m just going to… break. And fall apart.”

Him: “It’s okay to fall apart now and then. Just know that if you do, I’ll be there to put you back together again.”

Me: *smiling* “That’s really sweet, but you live about two days away from me.”

Him: “Well… use duct tape till I get there!”