Pokémon XXX

| MD, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are in bed fooling around. It should also be noted that we’re both Pokémon nerds.)

Me: *flopping down next to him* “A wild girlfriend appears!”

Boyfriend: *grabbing my chest* “Boyfriend uses boob-grab!”

Me: “But it’s not very effective… Girlfriend uses grope!”

Boyfriend: “It’s super effective!” *fakes passing out*

Me: *poking him* “Nooo! No fainting yet. We haven’t even commenced the sexy-times.”

Boyfriend: “We just turned sex into a Pokémon joke…”

Should Have Kept It To Your Selfie

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on my bed. He’s doing a reading for class, and I’m on Tumblr on a study break. My boyfriend doesn’t use the site, but he knows that I love it.)

Me: *starts laughing*

Boyfriend: “What is it?”

Me: “No! If I show it to you, you’re just going to laugh at me and think it’s stupid!”

Boyfriend: “Come on, just show me.”

Me: *turns computer to him, showing a group of images of people smiling, taking selfies* “They replaced the iPhones with sandwiches!”

Boyfriend: *sighs and turns back to his reading* “Yep. You were right.”

Not Moo-ved By The Compliment

| Australia | Dating

(I’d been dating my boyfriend for a week. I am insecure about my weight. We are lying in bed.)

Me: “I’m so fat.”

Boyfriend: “No, you aren’t.”

Me: “Yes, I am. I’m as big as a cow.”

Boyfriend: “Only a little one.”

Sleeping Like A B****

| CA, USA | Dating

(I am getting home just after midnight from work. I walk in and my boyfriend is in bed with the lights off.)

Me: “Hey, you awake?”

Boyfriend: *groggy* “Where my b****es at?”

Me: “Babe?”

Boyfriend: *snores*

(He had no memory of this in the morning.)

Don’t Lose Sleep Over It

| Eagle River, AK, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband is off to the hospital for an overnight sleep study to diagnose possible sleep apnea. I am being a worried wife and fussing before he leaves.)

Me: “Do you have your pj’s and toothbrush?”

Husband: “Yep.”

Me: “Do you have your Kindle and phone and charger?”

Husband: “Yes, yes, yes!” *smiles at my worrying*

Me: “Okay… Oh, do you have—”

Husband: “I am only going for one night, love.”

Me: “But I feel like I am sending you to your first sleep-away camp and I’m nervous!”

Husband: “Don’t worry; the other kids will like me.”

Me: “The other kids will watch you sleep and count how many times you stop breathing!”

Husband: “…”

Me: *cackles and shuts the front door*