No Refunds

| Sweden | Dating, Popular

(It’s just after some great sexy times. We’re having a bit of a pillow talk, which is part silliness.)

Boyfriend: “…and thank you for shopping at My Boning Emporium.”

Me: “I’ll come again!”

You’re My Number One

| Westchester, NY, USA | Dating, Popular

(I have always had a problem with bedwetting, and it still happens to me sometimes if I drink a lot of alcohol right before bed. I am going to my boyfriend’s sister’s house to meet his family for the first time.)

Me: “I shouldn’t drink too much there. I would die if I accidentally wet the bed.”

Boyfriend: “Well, if you did, I would take the blame. That’s how much I love you.”

Me: “Awww… ewww.”

Pray The Magazine Isn’t Late

| Penticton, BC, Canada | Dating, Popular

(My girlfriend and I are talking about random stuff after work, when she gets onto how, in the 70s, her brother was treated differently from her. Note that she was always a tomboy.)

Girlfriend: “I remember being really mad that my brother got subscriptions to cool magazines like Popular Mechanics and Popular Science. All I got was some lame girl magazine, and I can’t even remember which one.”

Me: “Popular Menstruation?”

Girlfriend: “What?”

Me: “It’s a monthly periodical.”

Girlfriend: “You’re an a**-hole!”

Me: “Aw, come on. I’m just ragging you.”

Girlfriend: “You are so lucky I love you.”

Killer Puns

| Nashville, TN, USA | Dating, Popular

(My girlfriend and I are watching a bad B-horror movie on Netflix, as we often do.)

Me: “It’s going to turn out that [Character] is the killer.”

Girlfriend: “No way. They wouldn’t do that.”

Me: “If it turns out that way you owe me sexy time.”

(Twenty minutes later it is revealed the character I called is the killer.)

Me: *fist pumps* “You better pick up your phone, because I called it!”

Girlfriend: “Wow… because of that bad pun your sexy time prize is now null and void.”

My Love Is Super-Sized

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

Me: “Here’s a coupon for a free meal at [Fast Food Place] because I love you.”

Wife: “Thanks! I love [Fast Food Place]!”

Me: “You love [Fast Food Place]? I don’t even get an ‘I love you’ back?”