Doesn’t Deliver Your Eggs-pectations

| ON, Canada | Dating, Popular

(I have just texted a picture of the toys I got in a Kinder Surprise egg to my boyfriend. There are two little flowers and you’re supposed to blow on them to make them spin.)

Me: “Wow… Kinder Surprise eggs are really cheaping out on their toys these days.”

Boyfriend: “Wow, no kidding. That’s… kinda lame.”

Me: “Kinda? My, you are generous.”

Boyfriend: “Not even our awesome geeky kind of lame, just the usual kind.”

Me: “Well, I’m gonna tap into that geeky lame right now! Ahem: ‘Back in mah day, they had toys in them there eggs that yeh had to assemble yerself! And those toys DID sumthin’! Or at least they had multiple pieces and stickers to decorate. Kids these days have it too easy with thur two piece toys en thur… Short attention spans…’”

Boyfriend: “YES!”

Me: “Is it sad that I’m kind of proud of that?

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but not really.”

Opened A Can Of Worms

| FL, USA | Dating, Popular

(Where my boyfriend works, he doesn’t get a proper lunch break so he often takes non-perishable food with him to eat, like non-frozen microwave meals or cans of soup. It’s 3:30 in the morning and I have randomly woken up feeling very hungry, and since we’re currently short on groceries, the only things to eat in the house are canned. I spend a good amount of time looking for the can opener to no avail. I feel bad, but I’m really hungry, so I go gently wake up my boyfriend.)

Me: “Love? Where’s the can opener?”

Boyfriend: *grumbles and rolls over* “Hmm? Oh… I took it with me to work. I think it’s in my car.”

Me: *amused* “Babe, you can’t just randomly abscond with the can opener and not tell me.”

Boyfriend: *sleepily teasing* “Well, you can’t just randomly need the can opener at weird hours of the night.”

Me: “Touché.”

Those Are The Answers You Are Looking For

MT, USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners, Popular

(The geeky family I’ve married into has gathered for Christmas dinner and is discussing plans to see the new Star Wars movie the next day as a group. I turn to my sister-in-law and point out that I’ve never seen either of their previous trilogies in their entirety.)

Sister-In-Law: *to my husband, her brother* “I’m surprised you haven’t divorced her yet…”

Husband: *at the same time as me* “It’s Stockholm syndrome.”

Me: *at the same time as him* “It satisfies his geeky need for smug superiority.”

Sister-In-Law: “Ah. That explains it.”

Husband: “The Stockholm syndrome or the smug superiority?”

Sister-In-Law: “I’ll accept either.”

Not Familiar With Prime Numbers

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Dating, Popular

(I’ve just visited the doctor to discuss a change to my contraception, and am now telling my boyfriend about my plans.)

Me: “The doctor asked what my plans were for future pregnancy. The two types offer either five or ten years protection. I’m going to go for five. We can reverse it at any time.”

Boyfriend: “That’s a long time though. I mean, you’re kind of passing your prime…Isn’t your fertility dropping now?”

Me: “…?! I’m 28! Passing my prime?!”

Crazy Stupid Love

| Chatham, ON, Canada | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(I am getting ready to leave to get my hair cut so my hair has no product in it. As a result it is completely frizzy and untamed. I go and show my husband.)

Me: “Hey, sweetie, how do you like my hair it its natural state?”

Husband: “You still look beautiful to me.”

Me: “Thanks. You know what I love about you? You think I am beautiful no matter what I look like.”

Husband: “You know what I love about you? You are too stupid to realize you are beautiful.”

Me: “Thanks… Wait. What?”

Husband: “King of the backhanded compliments.  You’re welcome.”