Twisting Old Stereotypes

| USA | Dating, Popular

(It’s late at night and I’ve been working for hours on editing, but I’ve still got lots of work to do when my boyfriend messages me on Skype asking for a video call before he goes to bed. I answer the call but continue to work on the side while we talk, but keep finding myself distracted by him.)

Me: “Everything you’re doing right now is distracting. Making cute faces, talking, telling me you’re going to be here next month, and our anniversary plans. It’s all distracting.”

Boyfriend: “So you’re saying you’d rather be miserable and stressed?”

Me: “No. What?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’m distracting you with everything I do, right?”

Me: “Yes, I can’t work with you being so distracting all the time. I can’t do my job at all.”

Boyfriend: “So you want me to stop making you happy so you can get your job done.”

Me: “No! Now you’re just twisting everything I say.”

(A momentary pause as he looks at me with concern.)

Boyfriend: “I’ve become the woman…”

The Thought Of Marriage Makes Them Sick

| The Netherlands | Dating, Popular

(My family has just planned a ‘family photoshoot’ in honour of my parents’ anniversary. I’m discussing this with my boyfriend, with whom I rent an apartment.)

Boyfriend: “So I guess I’m not invited?”

Me: “I’m not sure…”

Boyfriend: *jokingly* “What, am I not part of the family yet? Will they wait until we’re married?”

Me: *laughing* “Yes, I think that’s it.”

Boyfriend: “Well, what more do they want? We share a bathroom! Hell, we’ve both puked in the same toilet. That’s about as married as you can get!”

The Thought Was Inconceivable

| UK | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My partner and I have been trying to conceive and I have just taken a pregnancy test which turned out positive. He is apparently stunned by the news.)

Me: “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. It’s not like we haven’t been trying….”

Partner: “Yes, but it’s a bit different trying for it and it actually happening. You may have set up the lightening rod, but you didn’t really expect something to sit up on the slab!”

Me: “…Can I put this on Not Always Romantic?”

This Conversation Took A Turn For The Oddity

| Bellingham, WA, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I, a woman, are both bi/pansexual. I am talking to him about something else when David Bowie’s passing comes up.)

Me: “You heard about David Bowie, right?”

Boyfriend: “The world lost a great artist and an amazing penis.”

Me: “Really? That’s what you think of when you think of David Bowie?”

Boyfriend: “You’ve seen Labyrinth, right?”

Me: “Yes, but still. Not the time. And what are the odds it was padding?”

Boyfriend: “I am fairly certain it wasn’t padding. If you look at it—”

Me: “Why am I encouraging this conversation? Can we talk about something other than David Bowie’s penis, please?”

(Thankfully, my boyfriend was happy to change the conversation.)

Playing Games In Their Relationship

| PA, USA | Dating, Popular

(We’re required to do call-ins for customers who pre-order games the week before the game is released. I’ve gone through maybe three pages of calls when I dial a cell number for my area, this happens:)

Woman: “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, hello, is [Customer] there?”

Woman: “Uh, who is this?”

Me: “I’m calling to let [Customer] know that the game he pre-ordered will be in stock next week and he can come to pick it up at the midnight release, or any day after.”

Woman: “…Oh, uh…”

Me: “Is there something wrong, ma’am? Does he not want it anymore?”

Woman: “…SORRY! I don’t know. Hold on. Hold on, I’ll put him on…” *in the distance I hear her yelling* “THERE’S SOME GIRL ON THE PHONE FOR YOU ABOUT A GAME!” *but can’t make anything else out as she walks away from the phone*

Man: “Yeah?”

Me: “Hi, [Customer], this is [Game Store]. You pre-ordered this game and I’m calling to let you know it’ll be out in a week and—”

Man: “I’m not allowed to get it, and please don’t call me back.”

(The woman grabs the phone back, they bicker for a little, and I hear him grunt heavily in defeat.)

Woman: “Hi, did you get all that?”

Me: “So do you want me to cancel the pre-order? He’ll have the option of store credit or a refund.”

Woman: “He’s not coming back to the store and he’s not getting the game. I didn’t know a girl worked there. He’s not allowed to see girls. Please don’t call again!”

Me: “Ma’am, I won’t even be working on that da—”

Woman: *hangs up*

(He eventually ended up coming in with his tail between his legs, and with her at his side, on a day I wasn’t working to transfer his pre-order, which takes A LONG time and a lot of extra garbage we don’t like dealing with. “I called and no women work there,” was apparently her reasoning. I’m used to getting the “put-off girlfriend/wife,” voice when I call for pre-orders, but this was something out of this world!)