Better Secure A Big Fat Apology

| ON, Canada | Dating

(I am giving my boyfriend a back massage while we are in a deep conversation about insecurities.)

Me: “My main insecurity is my weight. I grew up being told I was too fat, so I really have a hard time seeing myself as anything else at this point.”

Boyfriend: “That’s understandable. It’s okay, I think you’re beautiful.”

Me: *hugging him from behind* “I know. It’s just my own insecurity.”

Boyfriend: “Besides, we’re all fat.”

(As soon as he says this, we both freeze, eyes widening.)

Boyfriend: “Insecure! I meant we’re all insecure!”

A Very Old Sense Of Direction

| USA | Marriage & Partners

(My wife and I are flying home from New York, I finished my book and can’t get my phone to link to anything and found a compass in my carry on. Out of boredom, I put it on the tray table.)

Wife: “What’s that?”

Me: “Compass. I found it in the bag; thought I’d watch which direction we’re flying.”

Wife: “Okay, you are officially old if you find that entertaining.”

Patronus Scrotus

| OH, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are both huge Harry Potter nerds, with this conversation taking place shortly after getting frisky in his dorm room.)

Boyfriend: “So, I think I know what your Animagus would be.”

Me: “Oh? Do tell.”

Boyfriend: “You’re clearly a sex kitten.”

Me: *holding back giggles* “And what does that make you then?”

Boyfriend: *lifts up the blanket and glances down* “A horse.”

October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Announcements, Theme Of The Month
Introducing the Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Entering is easy:

  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about this month’s theme: Halloween. Share a story about a scary or memorable Halloween experience with your significant other!
  2. At the end of the month, we’ll feature our favorite Theme Of The Month stories in a roundup!

Marriage Can Be Taxing

| Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Marriage & Partners

(During a day trip to the boardwalk, my husband and I are discussing where to eat dinner.)

Husband: “How about [Sushi House]?”

Me: “I don’t know… It’s pretty expensive there.”

Husband: “It’s only a little more than it is at [Sushi House Back Home.]”

Me: “It’s about half-again as expensive.”

Husband: “It’s not that bad. Let’s go, and I’ll prove it.”

(Later at the sushi house…)

Husband: *looking over the menu* “The [appetizer] is $9. That’s not too bad. How much is it at [Sushi House Back Home?]”

Me: “Six.”

Husband: “…”

Me: “Half-again as expensive.”

Husband: “Well, we’ll just call it a ‘beach’ tax.”

Me: “How about we call it a ‘[Husband] doesn’t listen’ tax?”

Husband: *joking* “That’s not a real tax!”

Me: *deadpan* “Then, why have I been paying it for ten years?”