The Joke Has Reached Its Twin Peak

| New Zealand | Dating

(My boyfriend and I have talked about having children before, but we have both agreed that we neither want, nor are ready, to have kids anytime soon. He has just shown me a cute gif of twin babies.)

Me: “That’s freaking adorable!”

Boyfriend: “I know, right?” *pause* “This doesn’t mean I want kids yet, just so you know. I just thought it was cute.”

Me: “Oh, me neither. And just so you know, I would rather not have twins, either. Having one at a time would be hard enough.”

Boyfriend: “Aww, but I could pull soooo many pranks with twins!”

Me: *stern* “No.”

Boyfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “You want twins? You can deliver them.” *I meant give birth*

Boyfriend: “Sweet! Just as long as we don’t live in the country. I don’t want to have to pay heaps for rural deliveries.”

Me: *half amused, half irritated* “Not what I meant, but whatever you say.”

Boyfriend: *haughtily* “I liked my joke. AND SO WOULD THE TWINS!”

Finished A Game Of Sarcastaball

| Davenport, IA, USA | Dating

(After my boyfriend I have sex for the first time, we leave so that he can play in his indoor soccer league. This conversation occurs after the game.)

Boyfriend: “And now you have seen me play soccer. I don’t know how you aren’t trying to have your way with me right now.”

Me: “Lots of self control.”

Boyfriend: “I sense no sarcasm in that sentence, so WOO!”

Ex-tra Credit

| NY, USA | Exes/Old Flames

(My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago because he didn’t want to be as serious as I did. We’re still in contact and are talking about the possibility of remaining friends. We have always teased each other a lot.)

Ex: “Of course I think you’re a cool person. If I didn’t want to stay friends, it would be because it’s not good for you.”

Me: “Well, I think I can decide for myself if it’s hurting me or not. You have to give me some credit.”

Ex: “Why should I start now?”

A Shapely Comeback

| Wilsonville, OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I’m having lunch with my husband and I’m feeling depressed and self-conscious about how I look.)

Me: Sorry I’m so fat and out of shape.

Husband: *while looking at the menu* “Yeah. Me, too.”

(He meant that he was sorry he was out of shape, too, but wasn’t paying attention to the wording.)

Husband: *as his face goes pale* “No! That’s not what I meant! I meant I’m out of shape! God!”

(I died laughing. Luckily I knew what he meant as soon as he said it, but he still felt bad.)

That Will Put Hairs On Your Chest

| GA, USA | Engaged

(We are cuddling in bed. I am a woman, though we often joke he’s the woman in the relationship because he’s more particular about his grooming before going out places, whereas I just quickly brush my hair, tie it back, and am ready to go.)

Me: *rubbing my fiancé’s belly, and suddenly noticing something* “Did… did you shave your belly hair?!”

Fiancé: “Yup.”

Me: *looks at him more closely* “…and your chest hair?!”

Fiancé: “Yes. I shaved all my hair below my neck.”

Me: “Why?”

Fiancé: “I just felt like it.”

Me: “Fair enough, I suppose. Why didn’t you mention it before?”

Fiancé: “I wanted to see how long it’d take for you to notice.”

Me: “…did you just pull a woman on me?”

Fiancé: “I totally just pulled a woman on you.”