Making Drinking An Art Form

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(This takes place in a hotel bar. A husband and wife have entered from the hotel side before seeing the sights. We were all very jealous of their plans for the day.)

Husband: “How ’bout a glass of wine before we head to the art institute?”

Wife: “Only one?”

Husband: “Well… one… each… to start.”

Wife: “That’s better.”

Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 57

| Australia | Dating, Popular

(I am reading Not Always Romantic while texting my girlfriend and decide to pop the famous question. I’m into science. Her, not so much.)

Me: “I have a very important question for you.”

Girlfriend: “Yes? I have low expectations of the importance of this question.”

Me: “Fair enough. What would you do if I got bitten by a zombie?”

Girlfriend: “Ah, see, this is difficult because I want to say I’d do the right thing and shoot you, but would I?”

Girlfriend: “I’d probably keep you somewhere safe and secluded and find someone smart to help me cure it, like in I Am Legend… except I’m the dog.”

Me: “What? Why the dog?”

Girlfriend: “Completely and utterly useless except for social interaction, and probably end up dying anyway.”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 56
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 55
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 54

Wish The Real One Would Disappear After Six Seconds

| IL, USA | Dating, Popular

(I recently started dating a new guy, so we are finding each other over social media. This occurred after friending each other on Snapchat.)

Guy: *sends a screenshot of the Google image search of Dick Cheney* “I heard Snapchat is for dick pics.”

Trumps All Romantic Gestures

| Devon, England, UK | Dating, Popular

(I’m playing trumps with my boyfriend and his family. The trick, or round, is started with the suit of hearts.)

Boyfriend’s Mother: “Are you all out of hearts, [Boyfriend]?”

Boyfriend: “Of course. I gave mine to [My Name].”

(He earned a peck on the cheek for that one!)

No Hiccups In Their Plans

| San Jose, CA, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I never really had a phase when we were touchy about bodily functions around each other, plus we have been together for over six years. In addition, I have never exactly been ladylike. We rent a room from his mom – our place is small and has thin walls, which definitely puts a damper on our sex life. We’ve been in a bit of a dry spell but she has just gone out and won’t be back for a while, so we plan on taking advantage. We are in the middle of preparing when:)

Me: *belches*

Boyfriend: “That was… seductive…”

Me: “Whatever; you know you’re going to have sex with me anyway.”

Boyfriend: “Heck yeah, I am!”