Making Drinking An Art Form

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(This takes place in a hotel bar. A husband and wife have entered from the hotel side before seeing the sights. We were all very jealous of their plans for the day.)

Husband: “How ’bout a glass of wine before we head to the art institute?”

Wife: “Only one?”

Husband: “Well… one… each… to start.”

Wife: “That’s better.”

Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 57

| Australia | Dating, Popular

(I am reading Not Always Romantic while texting my girlfriend and decide to pop the famous question. I’m into science. Her, not so much.)

Me: “I have a very important question for you.”

Girlfriend: “Yes? I have low expectations of the importance of this question.”

Me: “Fair enough. What would you do if I got bitten by a zombie?”

Girlfriend: “Ah, see, this is difficult because I want to say I’d do the right thing and shoot you, but would I?”

Girlfriend: “I’d probably keep you somewhere safe and secluded and find someone smart to help me cure it, like in I Am Legend… except I’m the dog.”

Me: “What? Why the dog?”

Girlfriend: “Completely and utterly useless except for social interaction, and probably end up dying anyway.”

Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 56
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 55
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 54

Wish The Real One Would Disappear After Six Seconds

| IL, USA | Dating, Popular

(I recently started dating a new guy, so we are finding each other over social media. This occurred after friending each other on Snapchat.)

Guy: *sends a screenshot of the Google image search of Dick Cheney* “I heard Snapchat is for dick pics.”

Trumps All Romantic Gestures

| Devon, England, UK | Dating, Popular

(I’m playing trumps with my boyfriend and his family. The trick, or round, is started with the suit of hearts.)

Boyfriend’s Mother: “Are you all out of hearts, [Boyfriend]?”

Boyfriend: “Of course. I gave mine to [My Name].”

(He earned a peck on the cheek for that one!)

No Hiccups In Their Plans

| San Jose, CA, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I never really had a phase when we were touchy about bodily functions around each other, plus we have been together for over six years. In addition, I have never exactly been ladylike. We rent a room from his mom – our place is small and has thin walls, which definitely puts a damper on our sex life. We’ve been in a bit of a dry spell but she has just gone out and won’t be back for a while, so we plan on taking advantage. We are in the middle of preparing when:)

Me: *belches*

Boyfriend: “That was… seductive…”

Me: “Whatever; you know you’re going to have sex with me anyway.”

Boyfriend: “Heck yeah, I am!”