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Stripping The Relationship Down To The Essentials

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are in the car when we pass a sign advertising a lacquer-stripping company that calls themselves “The Strippers.”)

Boyfriend: “Did you see that sign?! There’s actually a company called ‘The Strippers’!”

Me: “Really? That’d be a fun conversation to have without context. ‘Honey, I hired The Strippers to come by tomorrow.’”

Boyfriend: “What?! I thought you loved me!”

Me: “The Strippers are for both of us! We need The Strippers to start our life together!”

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Flirtation Cleanup Required At Checkouts

| Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I am at the grocery store with my boyfriend and we are held up in the checkout line due to a price check issue. I notice, as time goes on, that the checkout girl is flirting with my boyfriend — playing with her hair, giggling at everything he says, and batting her eyelashes — while brushing me off whenever I try to enter the conversation. I’m not the jealous type, but I bring this up as we’re leaving the store.)

Me: “Sooo, I hope you don’t think I’m crazy, but I think that checkout girl was flirting with you…”

Boyfriend: “You got that, too!? I got a vibe, but I kept telling myself that there was no way she was hitting on me with my girlfriend right there.”

Me: “Yeeeeah, she was doing her best to pretend I wasn’t there. Probably hoping I was your cousin or sister, or thinking she could take me.”

Boyfriend: “Take you? Not a chance.”

Me: “She WAS really pretty, though.”

Boyfriend: “Perhaps she was attractive, but I’m not attracted to her. I’m attracted to you. Besides, I thought maybe she was just being friendly because it’s her job.”

Me: “Babe, it’s her job to check you out, but she was CHECKING you OUT.”

Boyfriend: “Ooh, that’s terrible!”

Me: “Yet obvious. Admit it; you’re ashamed that you didn’t think of it first.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah… I kind of am…”

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You’re Both My Number One And My Number Two

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(The first three letters of my name are Poo. My boyfriend is getting cheesy with me and says this:)

Boyfriend: “Remember that I will always have ‘P’ in my heart.”

Me: “Eww… that doesn’t sound good.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, so how about I will always have Poo in my heart?”

Me: “Forget it.”