A Different Kind Of Recreational Use

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are long distance while we’re both attending college. This happens one night over text.)

Boyfriend: “I may be slightly aroused. Do you want to encourage it for me? :P”

Me: “How should I go about doing that?”

Boyfriend: “Surprise me.”

Me: “Honey, I love you, but I just spent most of my afternoon and evening reading and writing about prescription opiates and the behavior of pharmaceutical companies, doctors, patients, addicts, and recreational users. I need a little bit of prompt to get into the right frame of mind.”

Boyfriend: “Okay…”


Your Own Fault For Thinking You Could Compete With Glittery Dinosaurs

| Sweden | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(It’s morning. We are eating breakfast in the same room, but on our respective phones and as such only half paying attention to each other.)

Boyfriend: “I love you!”

Me: *reading something* “Oh, that’s cool.”

Boyfriend:*glances at me, starts snickering*

Me: “I mean, it is cool that you love me! But also, they discovered a dinosaur with glittery feathers!”

Merry As A Cricket

| OH, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I had settled down to sleep for the night. I realize I can’t fall asleep because his movements are waking me up. I look and he’s rubbing his feet together under the covers.)

Me: “Hey… [Boyfriend], why are you rubbing your feet together?”

Boyfriend: *without missing a beat* “I’m a cricket.”

(I tried to ask him to clarify but he didn’t respond. I asked him about it the next morning and he didn’t remember any of it, but found it very amusing.)


Crossing That Fine, Fine Line

| USA | Advice

(My friend is going through a breakup.)

Friend: “I told him I was willing to do whatever it took for this relationship, and he still decided to end it.”

Me: *sigh* “That’s love for you.”

Friend: “No, that’s a waste of time.”

Me: “Avenue Q?”

Friend: *smiles* “No, I’m a little bit racist.”


Apron And Staying On!

, | Bellevue, Washington, USA | Harassment

(I am working as a deli clerk at a very well-known grocery chain. We used to have blue shirts and a black apron. However, we have recently switched to green aprons. An older male customer, who is also missing teeth, comes up to me.)

Me: “Hi, sir! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, I just have a question. Do you like your uniforms?”

Me: *thinking this is a strange question, but there seems to be no harm in answering* “Well, I don’t mind the blue shirts, because that is my favorite color. The green aprons combined with the blue shirts are kind of a bad combination, though.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I bet you would look great in just the apron.”

Me: “…”