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No Need To Be Macho With A Nacho

| San Jose, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(My boyfriend and I both work in the automotive industry: my background is as a technician but I now work as a service advisor, and he has worked as a contractor for a major automotive tool manufacturer since graduating college. He is about to turn 26 so we have been trying to figure out the best way to keep him in health insurance, but the issue is resolved when he is offered a full-time position with his company. It comes with benefits as well as a not-unwelcome pay bump. We’re fairly financially comfortable, but who minds a bigger income?)

Boyfriend: “It will be nice not having to figure out insurance plan options. Plus the money doesn’t exactly hurt either.”

Me: “I’m very proud of you. And I’m sure we can find things to buy with your bigger paychecks. Like… like…”

(There’s a long pause while I try to think of something and he waits to see what I come up with.)

Me: “Uhm… nachos!”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “Seriously?”

Me: “What? We LIKE nachos!”

Boyfriend: “We’re so romantic. Most girlfriends would want jewelry or something when their boyfriend gets a raise. But nope: nachos.”

(A couple hours later we’re both nodding off in bed when I suddenly remember another benefit that comes with full-time positions as his company: a healthy discount on their products. I reach over and pat him on the butt repeatedly to get his attention.)

Boyfriend: *groggily* “Hmm?”

Me: “TOOL DISCOUNT.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah?”

Me: “CROW’S-FOOT SOCKETS! We can buy crow’s-foot sockets AND nachos!”

Boyfriend: “I love you.”

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Muffin Wrong With That

| Chesterfield, VA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’m six months pregnant and grumpy because I feel fat, so I’m taking a nap.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, fatty, wanna get a muffin?”

Me: “F*** off… but yeah, I want a muffin.”

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Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 2

| USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband has asthma, and if he laughs too hard, he has a coughing fit. We’re messing around before bed, giggling as quietly as possible so as not to wake the baby. My husband proceeds to cough and muffles it by pressing his face into my boob.)

Husband: *says something muffled*

Me: “Huh?”

Husband: “I said, good thing you have big hoo-hahs. They’re good cough mufflers.”

Me: “Honey… a hoo-hah is a vagina.”

(My husband proceeds to crack up and have another coughing fit into my boob.)

Husband: *trying to sound dignified* “Ta-tas, then. Nobody bothered to explain that in detail to me.”

Related:
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 2
Making A Boob Of One Self