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Violent Pillow Talk

| FL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(My boyfriend had heart surgery as baby, due to being born with two holes in his heart. Because of the surgery he has to live with a wire holding his sternum together. Should it break, he could die if not rushed to the hospital and into surgery right away. I constantly fear the wire will snap; due to this I have constant nightmares. After a really bad one, I seek comfort in my boyfriend’s arms as I listen to heart beating.)

Me: “I dreamed you died. And you blamed me. A big dog jumped on your chest like it was trampoline. I was stammering over the phone and since the operator couldn’t understand she hung up telling me to sleep it off. She thought I was drunk.”

Boyfriend: *joking to cheer me up* “What’s this b****’s name and address. I’ll jump into your head and go beat her up.”

(He proceeded to take a pillow and “beat it up” pretending it was the 911 operator from my nightmare. He did this for a good five minutes as I laughed and cried.)

Boyfriend: *looking me in the eyes* “It will never be your fault if I die.”

(Afterwards he had me snuggled up to his chest as he rubbed my back. I fell back to sleep almost instantly. To this day when I have a bad nightmare, he takes a pillow and beats it up like it’s the bad guy. The pillow has never been me, even when it should have been at times.)

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Not Even Em-bra-rrassed To Say It

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Flirting/How We Met

(I’m a 22-year-old female and hostess at a bar/restaurant in my town and am used to dealing with both ignorant and creepy customers on a daily basis. An average man in his late 50s is leaving the bar and stops where I’m standing on his way out.)

Customer: “You know what tomorrow is, right?”

Me: “Um, Wednesday?”

Customer: “It’s National No Bra Day.”

Me: “Oh. Yeah, I think I heard about that on [Popular Social Media Site].”

Customer: “So, are you working tomorrow?”

Me: “No, I have the day off tomorrow.”

Customer: “Too bad. I would’ve come in just to see that.”

(He stared down at my chest and winked creepily before leaving while I stood there speechless.)

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Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 65

| USA | Marriage & Partners, Zombies

(I figure it’s time to ask my wife The Question.)

Me: “What would you do if I turned into a zombie?”

Wife: *without skipping a beat* “I would kill you; it would be hard, though.”

Me: “Welp.”

(A week or so later.)

Wife: *out of the blue* “I wouldn’t kill you. I would let you bite me and we would turn into smart zombies, join the collective of other smart zombies, and rule the world developing a system to steadily provide us with brains to prevent us from getting dumb.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Wife: “I had a dream, and I couldn’t kill you when you were turned into a zombie.”

Me: “Oh. I love you, too.”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 64
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 63
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 62