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A Lousy Example Of A Man

| DE, USA | Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ, Popular

(I have just come out as transgender and aside from my really short hair, I still look and sound very feminine, even though I am a man. This happened at the end of a transaction while I was working the register.)

Customer: “You know, you’re pretty hot. What time do you get off?”

Me: “I’m not interested, sir.”

Customer: “Whatever. You look like a man, anyway.”

Me: *cheerfully* “Thank you! I’m trying!”

(He looked at me strangely and walked away with his purchases while I could hear both my manager and one of my coworkers cracking up from somewhere nearby.)

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Really ‘Committed’ To This Undeath Thing

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular, Zombies

(I figure it’s time to ask my wife, a mental health therapist, The Question.)

Me: “What would you do if I turned into a zombie?”

Wife: “I would have you committed to an insane asylum, since we both know there’s no such thing as zombies.”

Me: “Fair enough.”

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Not That Kind Of Working Girl

| NC, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I’m an 18-year-old pizza delivery girl. I am stopping for gas one night when a nice-looking, well-dressed man pulls up and asks me directions to the nearest Wal-mart. I figure he asks because one would assume that a delivery driver would be handy with directions. I give him directions and go inside to pay. When I come back to the pump to pay this happens.)

Guy: “So, how much do you make, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Me: “Well, we make minimum wage plus tips, so it can vary.”

Guy: “But I mean, like, how much do you make a week?”

(Thinking he is interested in a job?)

Me: “Uh, like, $300-500 a week?”

Guy: “Okay! So, what if you could make like a weeks pay in just a few minutes?”

Me: *concerned* “Uh, doing what?”

Guy: “Well, you are real cute, first of all, and I’ve been really lonely lately, and—”

Me: “OH! OH, MY GOODNESS! UM, I REALLY CAN’T—”

Guy: “Wait! Just hear me out! Now I have $500 in my wallet and I promise you can have it!”

Me: “Well, I’m flattered but I really have to get back to work.”

Guy: “But it will only take a few minutes.”

Me: *annoyed* “I’m sure that’s true, but I highly doubt that you even have the kind of money you are offering me, and the chances that you intend on robbing me and leaving me beaten or dead in a ditch are pretty good from where I’m standing.”

Guy: “Nuh-uh! Look!” *pulls out wallet and counts out $487 and thrusts it towards me*

Me: “DUDE! I’M WORKING! I HAVE A JOB AND I HAVE TO GO!”

(I have only been waiting for the pump to finish counting down, and it finally is.)

Guy: “But what if, real quick, you just spit in your hand—”

(I closed my car door and drove away – The end!)