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Getting Hot In The Bedroom

| New Zealand | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’m in bed with my girlfriend. My alarm has just gone off when suddenly my girlfriend blows on my face.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Girlfriend: *still half asleep* “I dreamt someone lit the bed on fire. I was trying to blow it out.”

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I’m Drawing A Blank Here

| WA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend and I are texting. I have been sore for two days, and I’m sick of it. My girlfriend’s comfort with her body fluctuates, so I try to be mindful whenever suggesting something to do with our bodies.)

Girlfriend: “Do you want to go out tomorrow?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. If we have time, would you be willing to give me a backrub? I will do -fill in the blank- if you do.”

Girlfriend: “Totally, but what do you mean?”

Me: “It is your decision to fill in the blank.”

Girlfriend: “Why am I filling in the blank? The deal is being conducted by you.”

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You Can Recognize It By Its Stripes

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Marriage & Partners

(My husband comes back home from running.)

Husband: “Guess what? I almost ran into a skank!”

Me: “You what?”

Husband: “I almost ran into a skank!”

Me: *blinks*

Husband: “SKUNK!”

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True Romance Takes Balls

| CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My wife and I are running errands and have just left a store with some groceries and trinkets. In my car is a therapy fidget, which can be bent into various shapes. My wife is playing with the fidget as I drive.)

Wife: “I made a heart!”

(She shows me.)

Me: “Aww!”

(She then flips the heart upside down.)

Wife: “And now it’s a ballsack!”

Me: “God d*** it, [Wife].”

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Has Himself Covered

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend needs the house to be cold to sleep. I, on the other hand, am a wimp and bundle up. He is currently spending the week, and I am already in bed when this happens.)

Me: *feels him get into bed and pulling on his blanket* “Stop stealing the covers!”

Boyfriend: “You have three layers. GET OVER YOURSELF!” *without missing a beat, sweetly finishes* “Good night. Love you.”