Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 4

| Blaine, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are sitting next to each other and playing D&D, using voice chat and an online map to play with several friends. He is the DM, and the other players and I are having trouble with a particular enemy. I have just tried to attack it again, and this happens:)

Husband: “Nope, that roll wasn’t good enough. You miss again.”

Me: *incredibly frustrated* “Are you f****** me?!”

Friend #1: “Well, I sure hope he’s not right now.”

(Our friends immediately started cracking up, and it took all of us several minutes to stop giggling and carry on with the game.)

Related:
Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 3
Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 2
Gaining Sexperience Points

Stepping Up To The Advice

| London, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(I am on a depressive/anxiety slump. I am sitting on the sofa stuffing my face with pizza.)

Me: “I hate this. The house is a mess. It’s so gorgeous outside, and I can’t motivate myself to do either. Can’t clean the house; can’t go outside. Ugh.”

Husband: “I’m sorry, babe. Let’s cuddle.”

Me: “I just want to be normal!”

Husband: “Why would you want to be normal when you are perfect? That’s a step down wouldn’t you say?”

(I love him!)

Has His Own Private Reasons

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Flirting

(A coworker runs up to me, looking scared.)

Coworker: “[My Name], a guy just asked me where he could find a private room and I told him I don’t swing that way. Why does everyone think I’m gay? Is it my hair?”

Coworker #2: “Is that the guy asking you for a private room?” *points to young man with baby and stroller*

Coworker: “Yeah, what a creep!”

Me: “You didn’t think he was asking so he could change the baby’s diaper or something?”

Coworker: “Oh… you think so?”

Handy In A Pinch

| Northern Ireland, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I usually end up going to bed at different times, him always being first. As a light sleeper, whenever I eventually go to bed, he wakes up for a quick cuddle and falls asleep again. This night, he has grabbed both my hands and is holding them close to his chest.)

Boyfriend: *half-asleep* “Night night, babe…”

(I wish him goodnight and lie down, wiggling my hands slightly as I do.)

Boyfriend: *all but yelps in panic* “WAIT! WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY HANDS?!”

(I immediately started laughing and reassured him that he had a normal amount of hands, and the rest belonged to me.)

Mrs. Pac-Man Has Other Appetites

| ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is easily distracted by his phone, cat, or Internet videos. Stories like this happen a lot. We are going to a party later and he has just gotten off the phone with our friend and is about to look up the directions. We also were about to have sex, so we are lying naked in his bed.)

Boyfriend: “Why is the map app asking me to play this game?” *starts playing game*

Me: “What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. It was there so I started playing!”

Me: *looks down at my body and back up to him* “Are you kidding me?!”

Boyfriend: “Oh, right, sorry. Don’t worry. You will always matter more to me than [Female Game Character].” *closes the game and actually looks up the directions before turning back towards me*