Cover Closure

| UK | Dating

(I have just watched a sad piece in a documentary about the a lady losing the love of her life after 50 years. I turn to my boyfriend.)

Me: “I’d really miss you if you were dead.”

Boyfriend: “I’d miss me, too!” *thinks about it* “But if you died at least I’d get some covers at night.”

My Own Personal Guardian

| Broussard, LA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I will often use the word ‘grood,’ a combination of ‘great’ and ‘good.’ We are also both just goofy dorks in general. I’ve been having a bad day, and he’s comforting me.)

Husband: “You’re cute. And you’re great.”

Me: “Yeah… yeah, I am.”

Husband: “Great and cute.”

Me: *pause* “I am Groot?”

Husband: *gleeful* “I was waiting for that!”

(And yes, I felt much better after that!)

Their Argument Is Cystemic

| Shanghai, China | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are at home and I’ve just heated up a plate of leftover rice and beans.)

Husband: “I never did like beans.”

Me: “I know. I always have.”

Husband: “It looks like crap.”

Me: “Mmm, yummy yummy crap…” *continues eating the refried beans*

Husband: *speechless for a few moments* “I watched that cyst removal video today and that was nowhere near as gross as what you just said. You broke me, honey… I got nothing.”

Me: *howling with laughter*

High Five, Down Below

| NY, USA | Dating

(My girlfriend and I are about to have sex for the first time. She pulls off my pants and looks at my penis for a moment before holding up her hand for a high five.)

Girlfriend: “Nice.”

Top 5 Funniest Stories Of October 2014

Not Always Romantic | Roundups

October 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Romantic’s top-rated stories last month!

  1. Monitoring The Breakup Situation (607 thumbs up)
  2. Love Cures All (583 thumbs up)
  3. A Naked Pause (567 thumbs up)
  4. Can’t Be Sick Of You If I Tried (566 thumbs up)
  5. Having Trouble Exorcizing The Ex (480 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!