The Best Kind Of Suffocating Love

| Orange County, CA, USA | Dating

(I have recently taken a second job, which leaves me utterly exhausted ninety percent of the time. My boyfriend has been a saint, massaging my aching feet when I get home and tucking me into bed after feeding me and giving me aspirin. Because of my schedule, sometimes I’m too tired to have sex. Also, because I’ve been getting home late, he’s been staying up late to take care of me, and we’re both pretty tired. We are at our day jobs, IMing each other.)

Boyfriend: “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

Me: “Plumb tuckered out.”

Boyfriend: “Me, too. Let’s go home, and you can suffocate me with your boobies.”

(Man can have whatever he wants; he rubs my feet at night.)

Stolen (Meatloaf) Dreams

| Geraldton, WA, Australia | Dating

(Boyfriend and I are snuggling and just talking about random stuff on the bed.)

Boyfriend: “You’re going to jail.”

Me: “Why?”

Boyfriend: “You stole some bread.”

Me: “Where’d I steal it from?”

Boyfriend: “The butcher’s.”

Me: “What did I steal?”

Boyfriend: “Meatloaf.”

(Swear to god I thought it was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.)

Hungry For Love

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Dating

(Normally I am very pale, but I recently went on vacation to a tropical country. I came back sunburned, but it’s gradually fading to brown. My boyfriend and I are lying in bed, naked.)

Boyfriend: “I do like you with a bit of a tan. Just a little toasted. Like a marshmallow.”

Me: “Hmm. It itches, especially here, where it’s still pink.”

Boyfriend: “With the tan line and the burned parts and your regular skin, you look like Neapolitan ice cream.”

Me: “Baby, if you’re hungry we can go get a snack, but stop comparing me to food.”