Over-dew For Some Love-sap

| ON, Canada | Dating

(I’ve been having a bad night at home and have been texting my boyfriend.)

Boyfriend: “How can I help?”

Me: “Remind me of our fun plans and then maybe make a sappy declaration of your love for me?”

Boyfriend: “Dinner tomorrow… then sleepover Wednesday and eat mozzarella sticks… and sushi… and my love for you is like a maple tree… It’s sweet and runs forever… like sap. You could say that was a ‘sappy’ way of saying I love you.”

Me: “That really made me smile.”

Boyfriend: “Just be careful you don’t get sticky from my love sap…”

Kick, Punch, It’s All In The Mind

| WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

(It is late at night and, as usual, I have gone to bed before my husband. I am usually a very sound sleeper, so I am not disturbed when he gets into bed later. This night, however, I am restless. I have finally drifted to sleep when I feel someone hit me in the side.)

Me: “Did you just punch me?!”

Husband: “Yes.”

Me: “Why?!”

Husband: “You were snoring.”

Me: “I was trying to sleep!”

(It turned out he regularly punched or kicked me during the night if I was snoring too loudly. This was the first time I’d ever been aware of it!)

Get A Meaty Leg-Up Out Of That Hole You’re Digging

| WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I have just left a restaurant, and I’m telling him how I slept poorly the night before because of our cat.)

Me: “I love it when the cat’s really cuddly because it’s cute, but she always seems to want to cuddle with my legs and I end up sleeping in really weird positions. It’s annoying. I don’t know why she won’t cuddle with my arms or torso.”

Husband: “It’s because your legs are big and meaty!”

Me: “…”

Husband: “I mean you have really teeny arms. Skinny arms! And everyone’s legs are bigger than their arms, so… that’s what I meant.”

Me: *laughing* “That isn’t actually helping, honey. But the scary thing is, I know what you mean.”