Using The Lawd’s Name In Vain

| Boone, NC, USA | Dating

(It is finals week at my college, where I’m a music student. I’ve just taken an exam that I was nervous about. My professor has just told me my exam grade, and I text my boyfriend excitedly.)

Me: “An 89 on my music theory final! Praise the lawd!”

Boyfriend: “Good job, honey!”

Me: “I am so happy!”

Boyfriend: “I can tell. You praised the lawd.”

Trying To A-Mews You

| Mountain View, CA, USA | Dating

(I am completely head-over-heels, I-would-give-my-life-to-save-hers in love with my girlfriend, and she knows it. She’s also 16 years older than me and knows I’m insecure about being able to keep her, as she’s a catch I feel is far out of my league. This is the first time I have visited her home:)

Girlfriend: *teasingly* “Sweetie, do you love me?”

Me: *frightened* “With all my heart.”

Girlfriend: “Good, then you won’t mind if the two of us share the bed with Clarence.”

Me: *blanches and emits frightened squeak*

Girlfriend: “I think you’ll like him. Here he comes now!”

(A cat ran into the room. My heart started beating again and I reached down to pet Clarence. He and I are on great terms. And my girlfriend loves me even more because I like her cat.)

Chewing Through This Relationship

| South Korea | Marriage & Partners

(My husband likes to tease me, and I usually end up getting annoyed at him. He has been in this phase of pretending to gnaw on various parts of my body.)

Me: “I swear, for our anniversary I am buying you a chew toy.”

Him: “You are my favorite chew toy.”