Not Feline The Love

| Canada | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

(My husband walks into my office.)

Husband: “I love you.”

Me: “Love you, too.”

Husband: “I love you.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Husband: “I loooooove you.”

Me: “…you’re hungry, aren’t you?”

Husband: “It works for the cats.”

A Fiendishly Simple Plot

| WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I will often eat our meals in the bedroom, though we are always sure to clean up after ourselves. One night, I set my empty chili bowl on the bedside table and forget it until nearly bedtime.)

Husband: “Hey, why is there a chili bowl on the table?”

Me: “Oh, because I left it there.”

Husband: “You fiend! How could you do that?”

Me: “Quite easily. In fact, it took no effort.”

Husband: “You lazy fiend!”

A Meeting Of Two Greats

| OR, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend is in a series of meetings that he feels are pointless and he dislikes the people. He’s texting me whenever he can.)

Boyfriend: “Kill me please.”

Me: “No. I need you to lift and reach things for me.”

Boyfriend: “That doesn’t sound like it’s worth hanging around for.”

Me: “…boobs?”

Boyfriend: “Hmm…”

Me: “Boobs and beer?”

Boyfriend: “Mmmm.”

Me: “Feeling a little better?”

Boyfriend: “No, because now I just want boobs and beer.”

When Pillow Talk Gets Dark

| Slovakia | Dating, Long Distance

(I am chatting over webcam with my long distance boyfriend. I’m half-way through describing how much I love him.)

Me: “…sorry, sweetie, I have to stop. I’m going to ask you a weird request.”

Boyfriend: “Right…”

Me: “Can you just pick up the pillow directly to your left, and then fluff it, and put it back.”

Boyfriend: *does this, looking at me like I’m crazy* “So?”

Me: “No, put it back. Then I’ll tell you.”

Boyfriend: *puts back the pillow very carefully and precisely, and then looks at me nervously*

Me: “It’s just it was folded in such a way that it looked like a demon baby face, and I was trying to ignore it but I couldn’t. It was just THERE and I’d try looking at you but my eyes kept looking at it!”

Boyfriend: *rolls around in tears laughing at me for at least 30 seconds* “Oh, I think I love you even more!”

There Is No On Switch

| San Diego, CA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working at a diner as a waitress. I am waiting on an arrogant douchebag, which is business as usual. After fending off typical lame flirting he asks…)

Him: “So… what time do you get off?”

Me: “Sir, when it comes to me and you, neither of us will be getting off.”