The Wrongest Kind Of Light-Bulb Moment

| Chicago, IL, USA | Dating

(The light in my boyfriend’s closet had gone out recently. We bought one light bulb to replace it but it went out a day later. After getting a refund we got another light bulb since the closet light is one of the only lights in his room.)

Boyfriend: “All right, let’s test this bad boy out.”

Me: *deadpan* “All, right but I think you’re going to have to stretch my a** out a bit first for it to fit.”

Boyfriend: *dies laughing*

Failed This Hunger Game

| USA | Engaged, Popular

(Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I only get to see my fiancé on the weekends. I have just made it to see him after getting off work.)

Fiancé: “Yeah, I’m really hungry.”

Me: “Me, too. We really should get dinner. What do you want?”

Fiancé: “I don’t know. What do you want?”

Me: “I dunno. Food?”

Fiancé: “We’re going to starve.”

Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

| Missouri, USA | Hall of Fame, Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Popular, Top

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

Romance Is Dead(pool)

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband never does anything for Valentine’s Day. The only times I’ve even gotten gifts, he’s run out the day of to buy me last minute things when he realized I got him stuff. He works on Sundays with Mondays off; he also has a teenage son who lives with us and is a major Deadpool fan, while I am not. My husband and stepson have been looking forward to the new Deadpool movie release on February 12th for months.)

Husband: *randomly* “Oh, I took February 12th and 14th off of work.” *meaning he’d have a 4-day weekend*

Me: *pleasantly surprised* “Okay!”

Husband: “It’s the closest weekend to [Son]’s birthday.”

Me: *crashing back to reality* “Oh. Yes, it is. Not where I thought you were going with that, but yes, it is.”

Husband: *smiling* “Don’t worry, we can make it a Deadpool weekend, too!”

Me: “…”

Digging Himself A Hole To The Rock Bottom

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Popular, Young Love

(My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months. He is well-known amongst his friends for putting his foot in his mouth or saying things that don’t really mean what he intends. He is, however, incredibly romantic, which often makes up for it.)

Boyfriend: “You know, hun, when I fell for you I hit rock bottom.”

Me: “Umm… excuse me?”

Boyfriend: *sees that I’m not giving him the response he intended* “Y- yeah… you know… I just hit rock bottom. I fell so far down.”

Me: “You know hitting rock bottom is a BAD thing, right? As in, you can’t get any lower?”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s a good thing! I fell so far for you that there’s nowhere left to fall!”

Me: “Ask anyone you know, and they’ll tell you that hitting rock bottom is a very bad thing. Are you really calling me the lowest of the low?”

Boyfriend: *sputters and unsuccessfully tries to defend himself*

Me: “I think you just hit rock bottom with that comment.”

(We got married last summer! Oh, and for the record, everyone we ask agrees that “hitting rock bottom” is NOT a compliment!)