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Surface-Level Flirting Only

| England, UK | Friends With Benefits, Popular

(I’ve just moved into a new flat with a housemate who’s a bit of a slob. Consequently, the place is a huge mess. I hate cleaning enough when it’s my own mess, and some of this place looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in years; the microwave is particularly gross. I also commented that the place doesn’t really feel like home yet.)

Him: “Maybe we just need to have sex in every room for it to feel like home?”

Me: “Eugh, we’d have to clean any surface before we have sex on it.”

Him: “That might be a way to get me to clean your flat for you.”

Me: “So, for every surface you clean, I’ll have sex with you on it.”

Him: “Deal!”

Me: “Including the microwave?”

Him: “I don’t know? We could stick your butt in it?”

Me: “Please don’t microwave my butt!”

(Phrases you thought you’d never say…)

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Keeping Abreast Of Stormy Seas

| Sweden | Dating, Popular

(We’re eating candy when my boyfriend places one, a so called ‘liquorice boat,’ in my cleavage.)

Me: “Why is there a boat between my boobs?”

Boyfriend: “Maybe… it’s a motorboat.” *grinning*

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Driving Them Away

| MI, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I am first in line at a stop light, waiting for the light to turn green in order to get to a fancy restaurant where I am meeting someone for a first date. I call her to let her know that I am almost there and we talk for a couple minutes. There is a clear “No Turn on Red” sign right next to the road in clear view of everyone.)

Me: “So, do you want to go catch a movie afterwards or something?”

Her: “Sure, we could go see— MOVE, YOU MOTHER-F*****! THERE’S NOBODY COMING! YOU CAN TURN!”

(I hear the car behind me honking and see a young girl on the phone screaming and flailing her arms wildly about. I also hear background honking in my phone.)

Her: “COME ON, MOVE, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF S***! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP!

(At this point I know it is her behind me. The light turns green and I complete my turn.)

Her: “FINALLY! God, people need to learn how to drive. This little s*** wouldn’t turn right when nobody was coming the other way.”

Me: “Well, I guess you won’t be seeing that little s*** at dinner.” *click*