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Not The Top Slice Answer

| TX, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are shopping at our local grocery store for beer. This particular beer he wants is best served with orange slices so we head for produce.)

Boyfriend: *looking at oranges* “How many slices come in an orange?”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: *waiting for my answer*

Me: “However many you slice them into, dear.”

Boyfriend: “Oh.” *blushes*

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All Relationships Have Their Complications

| PA, USA | Advice

(My sister just found out that two of her friends got into a relationship.)

Sister: “So you know how I texted [Guy Friend] to say congrats on the relationship with [Girl Friend]? He just texted me back and said ‘not really.’ So now I’m confused, because it’s on Facebook that they’re in a relationship.”

Me: “I think she could say she’s ‘in a relationship’ without him, but I think for her to say she’s ‘in a relationship with him’ he has to approve it.”

Sister: “Exactly.”

Me: “Maybe she blackmailed him into accepting her Facebook relationship? Brings a new meaning to ‘It’s complicated’…”

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Painting An Incriminating Picture

| IL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is living with his parents to save up for grad school and I am visiting him and staying with them, as I live several hours away. This happens one night while I am sitting in bed on the computer and he is using his computer at his desk.)

Me: “So after the loud, kinky sex tomorrow—”

Boyfriend: “[My Name], my mom is upstairs.”

(His mother’s office is just across the hall from my boyfriend’s room and she always has her door open.)

Me: *mortified* “…we should watch Columbo and Bob Ross.”

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Not Quite Married To That Sale

| VA, USA | Flirting

(I am on my way home after work and stop to get gas. I am tired, and just ready to get home. There is a stand set up across the parking lot on the other side of the station but I don’t pay too much attention to it. The stand is being run by two guys, an older guy and one rather young. I am female. I absently see them smile and laugh to each other before the younger of the two jogs all the way over to my car, past multiple cars pulled up to get gas just like I am. He can’t be more than 16, and while I have a baby face, I am 25.)

Guy: “Howdy, how are you doing today?”

Me: *trying to not look as tired as I feel* “Hello. I’m making it through, thanks for asking.”

Guy: “I just wanted to show you this product here.” *he holds up a rag and a can of something* “Have you heard of [Rain Product for cars]?”

Me: “Yes, of course. It’s a neat product.”

Guy: *gives me a wide grin* “Well, this stuff is even better than that! I’m sure a beautiful girl like you hates to have to wash the windows, so here, let me show you.”

(He sprays my whole windshield before I can say anything. Knowing where this is going I start to play with my wedding ring in full view, just so there are no misunderstandings. He doesn’t even glance at my finger and keeps wiping down my windows while making remarks about how pretty and beautiful I am. He finally finishes, and my car is full so I am ready to go.)

Guy: “So how about it? It’s only [price] for two cans and they last a good long time. If you want, you can come on over to the table and get some, and maybe leave your number, too.” *He wiggles his eyebrows at me. I am trying to hold my laughter.*

Me: “Well, that does look like a nice product. Let me go home and discuss it with my husband and I may come back.”

(His face fell, and he quickly walked away, not bothering to demo his product for anyone else. When he reached the table I saw the older man throw his head back in laughter and hit him on the back. I almost felt bad for the kid.)

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Pokémon XXX & Y

| VA, USA | Marriage & Partners, Pokemon

(My husband and I are big Pokémon fans. At the time of this story I had just recently gotten my husband to start playing them again. Needless to say that was all we did when we were together. One night, I had a rather strange dream about the new Pokémon games, but was partially woken up by my husband initiating things. The next morning he wakes up before me and sits beside me.)

Husband: “Last night was fun. That did happen, right?”

Me: “Yeah, that was a pleasant surprise, except I was dreaming about Pokémon, and I never really stopped dreaming about it.”

(I am kind of worried he will think I’m weird for thinking about Pokémon during sex, even if it was a dream.)

Husband: *looks at me strangely* “You know, I think I was dreaming about Pokémon, too. I don’t remember exactly, but it was definitely Pokémon themed.”

Me: “So we both had Pokémon dreams, and then had awesome sex? What’s wrong with us? I guess we are perfect for each other after all.”