A Slight Wrinkle In Their Romance

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Dating, Popular

(I’ve bought a new shower gel and I’m not sure about the scent.)

Me: “Be honest. Do I smell like someone’s grandmother?”

Boyfriend: “A little…”

Me: “Oh…”

Boyfriend: “But sexy!”

Me: “Ew.”

Boyfriend: “That… came out wrong. I meant, like someone’s grandmother when they were sexy. Like forties femme fatale vintage sexy. Not like, wrinkly sexy grandma.”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “It smells great. You smell great. If I kiss you will you forget about sexy grandmas?”

This Is The Definition You Are Looking For

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Dating, Popular

(It’s the third date or so. As is my habit, I make a typical reference to a property such as Star Wars.)

Date: “You’re a bit of a geek, aren’t you?”

Me: “Well, actually, a geek was a carnival sideshow where the performer would bite the head off a live chicken for the entertainment of the crowd.”

Date: “Do you realise how much of a geek you are for knowing what a geek actually is?”

(We’ve now been married for nine years.)

Drunk On Love, Part 2

| Detroit, MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

(It is the morning after some fun sexy-times with my wife.)

Me: “Dear, if your awesomeness were converted to alcohol, you’d start peeing Everclear.”

Related:
Drunk On Love

I Love You Tso Much

| Waterloo, ON, Canada | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I had gone to lunch with some friends one day before class. I was talking with one of those friends after class.)

Friend: “So what did you think of the Chinese place we went to for lunch?”

Me: “It was all right. I like [Other Chinese Restaurant] better, though.”

Friend: “That’s just because we went there so often in high school.”

Me: “Well, yes, but it’s not just that. Their sweet and sour chicken is better. Their General Tso chicken was better.”

Friend: “Okay, that’s not fair! You were thinking about the other restaurant while you were eating there! You were cheating on the restaurant!”

Me: “Cheating on the restaurant? When was I in a relationship with the restaurant?”

Friend: “Don’t deny it! You saw the way that waiter looked at you! He knew!”

Trump And Taxes

| Seattle, WA, USA | Dating, Popular

(I’m catching up with my boyfriend when this exchange happens.)

Me: “Have you heard of Crystal Valentine? She is a poet who came to my school for MLK day.”

Boyfriend: “I have not, but she sounds nice.”

Me: “I would hardly call her nice, but you should check her out.”

Boyfriend: “What do you mean when you say she is not nice?”

Me: *not sure how to explain her* “Well, one of the poems she performed was about murdering Trump.”

Boyfriend: “Well, who hasn’t thought about how they would kill him?”