The Ghost Of A Chance Of Getting Some Sleep Tonight

| NM, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I talk in my sleep sometimes. This is one of those times.)

Me: “Ten ghost, twenty ghost. Ten ghost, twenty ghost…”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “Ten ghost, twenty ghost.”

Boyfriend: “What is ‘ten ghost, twenty ghost?'”

Me: “Hold on, let me think.”

Boyfriend: “No, don’t think. Go back to sleep.”

Me: *silently goes back to sleep*

(In the morning he tried asking me what “ten ghost, twenty ghost” meant but I had no memory of the event.)


I Name Thee Creep

| NJ, USA | Harassment

(A couple of my friends are having a dispute with two other folks. Apparently I’m the official “negotiator/moderator” of our circle of friends, so I get invited onto their IRC group to settle it out. My online handle is a gender-neutral nickname, but admittedly it’s often used by females. About 10 seconds after logging in, I get a private message.)

Stranger: “Hey!”

Me: “Hi?”

Stranger: “Long time no see!”

Me: “Sorry, I must have taken someone else’s name; this is my first time on this server.”

Stranger: “You sure? It’s the exact same name.”

Me: “I’m sure; it’s not exactly a rare name. I also don’t want to talk. I’m here to settle an argument between some friends.”

Stranger: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because I literally just said why.”

Stranger: “Well, you should talk anyway.” *then immediately another message* “36M. Married, BTW.”

Me: “That’s nice. Don’t care.”

Stranger: “You should! I’m a nice guy! I’m not trying to be a creep. I’m just making friends! Hey, you should come by my channel, and talk to my other friends, too!”

Me: “So if you’re not being creepy or hitting on me, the fact that I’m male and just have a gender neutral nickname shouldn’t matter, right? Oh, and should I invite my boyfriend along, too?”

(Stunningly, he stopped messaging me! So much for not being a creep. Went on the /ignore list anyway just to be safe.)

Quite Verb-ose With The Argument

| UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend is on her laptop, and using a newspaper article I’d been saving to make her optical mouse work better. I lean in to check the article.)

Girlfriend: “Don’t read my mousemat! That’s rude!”

Me: “Maybe don’t mousemat an article I’m saving, then?”

Girlfriend: “…that’s fair.”

Me: “Also, mousemat is a verb now!”

Girlfriend: *gives me a grumpy look*

Me: “Let me guess… I’m not allowed to verb any more?”

Girlfriend: *looks even grumpier*

Me: “Fine, I’ll stop recursing!” *runs away before she can get up and thump me*


Unfriendly Friend Requests

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Harassment, Non-Dialogue

This happens when I am 18. I work the night shift at an airport. I am one of the people who gets off at 2:30 am and often walks out to my car on my own, despite my shift manager asking one of the guys to walk me out. He hates the younger female employees walking by themselves at night. I often listen to music on my way out.

I am heading to my car one night and am waved at by an older male employee cleaning the floors. I politely wave back, but see his mouth moving. I took out an earbud and say, “Sorry, I didn’t catch that?”

He repeats himself. He is asking me if I have just started, says he has never seen me around, etc.

I politely make small talk, though my gut is screaming at me to get out of there. It is late at night, no one else is around, and I am only 18 and being suckered into a rather awkward conversation by someone old enough to be my dad.

The conversation turns personal. He starts asking if I have a boyfriend. I immediately shake my head no. He asks what kind of men I like. I say, “Actually, I– um, I’m not looking for a relationship.”

He looks disappointed but asks if I want to be friends with him. As I try to answer, he steps closer to me and says, “You know, I would really like to be your friend.”

I quickly stutter out an “um, I guess?” and make up an excuse as to why I have to high-tail it out of there.

As I walk away, I spare a glance over my shoulder. He is staring at me as I leave.

The second I knew he couldn’t see me, I sprinted to my car. I didn’t see him around work after that incident, but I can’t say I was too upset to have never seen him again!

Heading Straight For Success


(Overheard with no context while walking across campus:)

Student: “If I had as much success with women as I do with gay men, there’d be no stopping me.”