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Lucky Number Seven

| South Africa | South Africa | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(It’s just after midnight on New Year’s Eve and my boyfriend and I are cuddling, a little tipsy and a little tired.)

Boyfriend: “My favourite number is seven.”

Me: “What about 69?”

Boyfriend: “Can we compromise on 6.9?”

Me: “And it rounds off to seven, perfect!”

Boyfriend: “Wait, I don’t like the point that separates the 6 and 9.”

Me: “That’s called the period my love.”

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Home Is Where The Freudian Slip Is

| ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I have just spent New Year’s Eve together with my family. It’s about one am, and he’s heading out to his car. As always, I’m walking him out and seeing him off.)

Me: “Thanks for coming tonight, babe. I love you!”

Boyfriend: “I love you, too!”

Me: “Get home safely!”

Boyfriend: “You, too!”

Me: *laughing* “Really, love?”

Boyfriend: “Wait, what?”

Me: “I said get home safely, and you responded with, ‘you, too.’”

Boyfriend: “Oh… well, it’s a treacherous 50 feet to your front door. That’s all I’m saying!”

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Your Problems Are Getting Horn In The Tooth

| Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’m on the couch snuggled up with my boyfriend, when he gets a look of pain on his face concerned. I turn to look at him.)

Me: “Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “I’m horny and my tooth hurts.”

Me: “First world problems…”

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Chewing The Fat With The One You Love

| Tampa, FL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’ve been gaining a little weight lately and have been sensitive about it. My boyfriend and I are splitting a chicken meal at the mall food court.)

Me: *removing a fatty piece of chicken from my mouth* “Ugh. Bad piece.”

Boyfriend: “This is nice. I’ve really missed eating this chicken.”

Me: *removing another fatty piece from my mouth* “Another one!”

Boyfriend: “Aww, I’m sorry you keep getting fat.”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “Wow… um… that sounded bad, didn’t it?”

(Of course I knew what he meant, and we both had a pretty good laugh about it.)

harassment

An Introduction Destruction

| USA | Flirting, Harassment

(My sister and I are walking down the street, when we spot a bar. Everyone there is casually dressed, including me, in pants and a shirt except for my sister, who’s dressed in an evening gown and is made up and looks like an actress. She attracts the attention of a middle aged man, who makes a beeline to her.)

Man: *to sister* “Hello. I saw you enter and I felt I had to introduce myself. My name is [Man].”

(He takes my sister’s hand and kisses it. My sister is very outgoing, so she is charmed by his nerve.)

Sister: “Oh hello. My name is [Sister] and this is my sister [My Name].”

(She gestures over to me.)

Me: “Hello.”

Man: *looks me over, wrinkles nose with disgust, and quickly looks back to my sister* “Why don’t we go sit somewhere private? Just the two of us.” *gestures to himself and my sister*

Us: *stunned*

(Needless to say, he was rejected and we went to drink by ourselves. Men, a tip: if you’re trying to score with a woman, at least pretend to be polite to her friends!)