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Only Airbenders Get Flying Bison

| Boston, MA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is from the UK, while I’m from the US. Consequently, we have the occasional cultural difference. After a couple years I think we’ve ironed everything out, and then this happens.)

Boyfriend: “So bison and buffalo are the same thing?”

Me: “No, but close enough.”

Boyfriend: “But, tell me, where do the wings come into all this?”

Me: “From Buffalo, New York.”

Boyfriend: “Huh? So what are they made of? The wings?”

Me: “Chicken!”

Boyfriend: “They ARE wings, right?”

Me: “They’re wings!”

Boyfriend: “Phew. At least one thing was true.”

Me: “Why, what did you think was the case?”

Boyfriend: “That they were made of buffalo, but they weren’t wings because buffalo don’t have wings…”

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Pan’s Potato

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Engaged

(I am talking with my fiancé about weird films (eg. Pan’s Labyrinth, etc.) and Doug Jones (Pale Man, with the eyes in his hands).)

Me: “He has a very distinct body type. Once you apply prosthetics, like elongated fingers, he takes on a creepy factor.”

Fiancé: “Like me; I have long arms and hands.”

Me: “No, you’re pretty proportionate.” *stares* “Maybe your arms are a little longer, but you’ve got a rectangle torso… and an oval head.”

Fiancé: “I love you, too?”

Me: “No, I mean artistically, you’ve got a rectangle torso, and oval head, and proportional arms and legs.” *thinks for a moment* “Unlike me. My body type is ‘fat.’ Fat torso, fat legs, fat head… fat mouth that won’t shut up.

Fiancé: “You’re like a potato in a potato field… that just ate all the other potatoes.”

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Floored With That Proposal

| Dorset, England, UK | Engaged, Proposals

(I am working up the courage to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Being a little old fashioned a about this, I ask her father for permission first, one weekend we are visiting. He’s delighted, and tells me to do it ASAP. Shortly after, my girlfriend and her mother walk into the room. I get down on one knee and propose.)

Girlfriend: “Get up off the floor; you’ll get your trousers dirty!”

Girlfriend’s Father: “The man asked you a question. Answer him!”

Girlfriend’s Mother: “What are you insinuating about the state of my floors?”

(Still happily married, now five years later!)

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The Terrible Star Trek Twos

| Logan, UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

(We have a toddler whose middle name is Tiberius.)

Husband: “If we ever have another boy, we should name him James. Leonard James.”

Me: “That’s actually not too bad. I like the name.”

Husband: “And then if we have ANOTHER boy, we can name him Kirk.”

Me: “I don’t really like the name Kirk.”

Husband: “No, you don’t understand. We have to name him Kirk.”

Me: “Wait…”

Husband: “So then we could have James Tiberius Kirk! And then if I become an officer and get to the rank of captain in the army, we could be Captain James Tiberius Kirk!”

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Glassy Classy

| Saanich, BC, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend and I have gone to a neighbour’s place for pizza and beer. He told me there were steins in the cupboard, but I only find two, so I grab a wine glass.)

Friend: “Oh, are there only two.”

Me: “Yeah, but that’s okay. [Girlfriend] can have the wine glass and be all classy tonight.”

Girlfriend: “‘Tonight’? Am I not classy every night?”

Me: “I’m… gonna just stop talking now.”

Friend: “Probably a good idea, before you put your OTHER foot in your mouth!”