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Don’t Count On Him To Listen

| London, England, UK | Dating, Popular

(We’re in a long-distance relationship and catching up on Facetime at the end of the day. I already told him my plans for the next day but he asks me what they are again.)

Me: “You don’t listen to me.”

Boyfriend: “Sorry, I promise to try to listen to you… Won’t be 100%, though. Maybe 75%.”

Me: “75?! Not even 80!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I predict I won’t listen well 35% of the time.”

Me: *starts cracking up* “That’s even worse! 100 minus 35 is 65, sweetie. I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I know I’m bad at counting…”

Me: “How are you an engineer?!”

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Best Just To Leave It

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband and I are trying to conceive, but it should be noted that due to multiple factors we don’t sleep in the same room (yep, we are weird). This conversation happens late at night after sex.)

Husband: “I won’t stay long. I am really tired.”

Me: “Oh, great, so you’re going to impregnate me and leave me?”

Husband: “You’d probably actually get pregnant that way. Isn’t that how it always works? The guy leaves and the chick ends up pregnant.”

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His Love For You Can Move Mountains

| CA, USA | Dating, Popular

(I am at work. My boyfriend of nearly seven years is preparing to go on a hike up a mountain with his friend where he’ll have no reception on his phone. I have been texting him about my period and how much pain I’m in, especially since I’ve forgotten to bring my Excedrin with me. Just as he’s about to start the hike, he figures out a way to take my mind off the pain.)

Boyfriend: “Going up mountain. I will make an offering to the period goddess at the summit for you.”

Me: “That would be swell!”

(He’s definitely a keeper!)