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Being Not Always Romantic While Trying To Not Always Work… As A Cat

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Engaged

(I work from home, at the same computer I use for leisure, and this takes place around the time I usually end my morning routine and get to work. My fiancée will occasionally pretend to be a cat for laughs.)

Fiancée: “Am cat. Am snuggling you when you’re trying to work.”

Me: “Actually, I haven’t quite started work yet.”

Fiancée: “Oh. Am cat, am snuggling you when you’re trying to do stuff?”

Me: “I’m not even really trying to do anything right now either. I’m just reading Not Always Working.”

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The Date Was A Mess

| UK | Dating

(I’m out on a date with a girl I’ve recently gotten to know. The date goes well until the end, when I notice I made a bit of a mess with the condiments — salt a bit scattered over the table, some mustard splatter, etc. I go to clean it up with a napkin.)

Date: “What are you doing? That isn’t your job; it’s the waiter’s job to clean!

Me: “It’s no issue; I used to work this sort of job. They have to give it a wipe down anyway, but I figure why not make it a little easier? I didn’t mean to make this much of a mess.”

Date: “Sure, but you’re allowed to make as much mess as you want; you’re the customer! It’s their job to clean up after us, silly!”

Me: “…”

(I cleaned it up anyway, and we didn’t have many dates after that. These sort of instances along with her doing things like insisting that I HAD to put ‘x’ at the end of all my texts to her simply because she was my girlfriend (after I told her, I just don’t put x’s to anyone) and getting needlessly angry whenever I didn’t, I decided to call it quits.)

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Cat Got More Than Just Your Tongue

| NSW, Australia | Marriage & Partners, Pets & Animals

(I am trying to encourage my husband to help me around the house with cleaning, like putting away the clothes. He’s been doing well but needs the occasional gentle reminder.)

Me: “Hey, handsome, can you please remember to put your socks away? I keep finding them all over the house.”

Husband: *looking at me in surprise* “I have been!”

Me: “Oh. Well, I keep seeing [Cat] with them so I figured you missed them.”

Husband: “No, I put them away…”

Me: “Then how…”

(As if on cue, Cat walks up… opens his sock drawer, pulls out a pair of rolled socks, and walks away with it proudly.)

Me: “I’m sorry, [Husband], for blaming you. I knew she was smart but that’s just weird.”

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Not Making A Clean Break

| Dallas, TX, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are cleaning our apartment, and being very thorough about it. I have cleaned the toilet while living here, but boyfriend has not. Today I’ve insisted that it is his turn. Note that it has been a while since it was last cleaned.)

Me: “The best thing is that, now that it is clean, we can just wipe it down once a week and it won’t get nasty again! As opposed to cleaning it once every three months and being stuck with a heavy duty cleaning!”

Boyfriend: *mutters* “At least then you only have to do it once every three months instead of every week…”

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Home Sexonomics

| Thorold, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are studying for our first year economics midterm. We decide to take a bit of a “study break.”)

Boyfriend: *questions if I’m enjoying the size of his member*

(A minute or so passes and I can’t hold in my laughter anymore.)

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “Supply is greater than demand!”