As Long As It’s Not A ‘Game Of Thrones’ Themed Wedding

| Vacation | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Marriage & Partners

(My boyfriend and I have been traveling, and we’re relaxing a bit before heading out for the evening. We’re discussing the most interesting weddings we’ve heard about or been invited to. It’s worth noting that ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ is my all-time favorite book, as he well knows.)

Boyfriend: “One of my friends had a zombie wedding that was pretty cool. When they cut the cake, raspberry syrup blood oozed out.”

Me: “Nice! One of my theatre-geek friends had a Les Miserables wedding – you had to steal the bread and silverware at the reception, and a bunch of people piled up all the chairs and started singing.”

Boyfriend: “That’s pretty cool. I like the idea of literary-themed weddings.”

Me: “Ooooh, Count of Monte Cristo wedding!”

Boyfriend: “NO! We know how that one goes! It starts with the groom getting falsely arrested halfway through the ceremony, and it ends thirty years later with all the wedding guests dead, insane, or disgraced!”

Me: “Hmm, true. Maybe not then.”

Boyfriend:Midsummer Night’s Dream wedding?”

Me: “Only if it doesn’t actually involve being drugged and lost in the woods.”


Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 3

| San Luis Obispo, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and take daily medication for it. I keep a bottle of my pills at my boyfriend’s house for night’s that I spend there. This conversation occurs over text at the end of a week in which I’ve forgotten to take my medication every night that I’ve spent at his place.)

Me: “Let it be known that henceforth and forever more, you, [Boyfriend], shall be in charge of ensuring that I, [My Name], have taken my anxiety meds prior to becoming superiorly unconscious on such nights as I slumber in your abode.”

Boyfriend: “O… kay?”

Me: “Do you accept this responsibility?”

Boyfriend: “Aye, milady.”

Me: “This is pleasing. You have spared yourself the wrath of The Girlfriend, earned 500 experience, and unlocked the ability ‘Bounty.’ This is a daily power that enables you to receive a free kiss upon reminding The Girlfriend to take her meds. Should She complain, you make an immediate interrupt for a second kiss. If The Girlfriend remembers on her own, the kiss for reminding Her is forfeit. However, you may request a kiss with a DC of 7.”

Boyfriend: “Is this a check that I can take 20 on?”

Me: “The maximum modifier you may have on this check is 3. Currently, your modifier is 0. You must spend points in that category for a higher modifier.”

Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 2
Gaining Sexperience Points


Her Dream Was The Bomb

| Canada | Marriage & Partners

(I’m reading in bed; my wife is already asleep.)

Wife: *sits bolt upright and starts frantically throwing off the covers*

Me: “…whatcha doin’?”

Wife: “The bombs! Gotta find the bombs!”

(She eventually calmed down and went back to sleep, but she had no idea what she’d been dreaming about the next day!)


Opening Bottles Made In A ‘Great Old’ Year

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I am not a very tidy person and many things in my home are out of order. One night when my boyfriend is staying over, he finds my Cthulhu bottle opener on the bedside table.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, were you missing Cthulhu?”

Me: “I am never missing Cthulhu. He is ever present in our lives, in the nameless dread that hovers over us all.”


How To Soup Up Your Sex Life

| FL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(Several months ago there was a sale on soup at a local grocery store and my boyfriend came home with 99 cans of the soup. I have never let him live this down, and we still have most of them stored in cupboards because I don’t care for that brand of soup – so it’s become kind of an inside joke. My boyfriend and I are lying in bed cuddling.)

Me: *lovingly stroking my boyfriend’s head* “What are you thinking about?”

Boyfriend: *bluntly* “Sex.”

Me: *laughing* “I’m not really in the mood at the moment, sorry. I’m kind of hungry and I want a snack.”

Boyfriend: *starts laughing* “There’s soup!”

(We both crack up laughing, which oddly puts me in the mood because the bonding over the inside joke surpasses my appetite. I inform him of this, which of course makes him happy, so I roll on top of him and we start making out. As we turn up the heat, I try something “down there” that I haven’t done to him before. He is clearly enjoying it.)

Me: “So, you like that, huh?”

Boyfriend: *squirming and giggling* “Oh, yeah!”

Me: *seductively* “How much?”

Boyfriend: *through giggles of pleasure* “Almost as much as you like soup.”

(We both had to take a laugh-break for a couple of minutes after that, but we managed to finish shortly thereafter. While we were cuddling afterwards, I praised him on his ability to crack an awesome joke and make me laugh during sexy time.)