I Can Do Martial Arts In My Sleep

| The Netherlands | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Non-Dialogue

My boyfriend practices martial arts.

The first time I sleep over at his place, we are both asleep, when all of a sudden he hits he me quite hard in the forehead, waking me up.

I shoot up and look to his side but he is fast asleep. The next morning when I tell him about it, he can’t remember anything of it. But he could see a nice red spot on my forehead, suggesting I wasn’t lying or imagining things!

Already Getting Ahead In The Relationship

| NY, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is currently playing ‘For Honor’ on his PS3 while I’m resting my head on his shoulder and cuddling with him, watching him play. In the game, a female character decapitates a couple of knights that she thought were unfit for duty or something. I’m not much of a gamer. The following occurs maybe 30 minutes after this scene.)

Boyfriend: “So glad my girlfriend isn’t crazy.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Boyfriend: “Because she won’t cut off my head if I displease her.”

Me: “Why would I ever— Oh.”

Boyfriend: *grins at me and kisses me on the forehead before going back to the game*

Some Knight From The Game: “Don’t encourage her.”

Too Chicken To Do It Himself

| Dixon, CA, USA | Infidelity

(I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. He asks me to teach him how to make a family recipe that he particularly likes, so I get him started on the prep work. I am making a salad while things pre-heat. Suddenly I look around and he’s not in the kitchen area any more; he’s at his computer, still in direct line of sight. When the oven indicates that it is done preheating…)

Boyfriend: “Hey, hun, you might want to get started on that chicken.”

Me: “…excuse me? I might want to get started? What about you?”

(I walk the two steps out of the kitchen and find that he’s sending very… ah… explicit Instant Messages to another woman that we both know.)

Me: “You are literally cheating in front of me and telling me to make you dinner while you do it, when we’re both supposed to be working on this?! You know what? Fine. I guess you have a choice. You either get your a** off that thing and make your own dinner, or you stay on that thing and not get dinner at all.”

(I walked out of his apartment, leaving everything where it was, and went home. He later had the gall to complain at me over text about how I left him to struggle to figure out what to do with the semi-prepped food. And that’s why he’s my ex.)

A Taxing Relationship, Part 2

| PA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I keep spare change in a jar for a rainy day. Knowing this, my boyfriend gives me any change he gets and we joke about it being the “girlfriend tax.” One day we’re at the store, and the cashier gives him his change. He turns to me:)

Boyfriend: “I suppose I should pay the tax.”

(The cashier gives us a questioning look, to which I answer:)

Me: “The girlfriend tax. It’s what he pays to make me love him.”

Related:
A Taxing Relationship

Every Ring Is Awesome, Part 2

| England, UK | Proposals

(I’m in an A-level chemistry lesson. The teacher allows us to have our phones out in case of an emergency. After thirty minutes my phone lights up and buzzes as a text appears. I pick up my phone and check the message, and immediately put it down and walk away. My friends next to me get confused, pick up my phone, and look at the text.)

Friend #1: “Oh, my god.”

Friend #2: “S***.” *he places his hand on my shoulder* “I’ll arrange your funeral.” *he begins laughing*

(At this point the teacher wanders over and I show them the message.)

Text: “I found the ring. Yes, I will marry you.”

(Had to quickly explain to everyone that:

  1. It was my girlfriend’s birthday soon
  2. It was a replacement ring for the one that she lost
  3. Probably not a good idea to have hidden it in a black box in my drawer

She was a bit upset, but understood. It was adorable seeing her so excited though.)

Related:
Every Ring Is Awesome