Relationship Level Running Low

| London, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My poor boyfriend has been trying to teach me how to play a new videogame, ‘No Man’s Sky.’)

Boyfriend: “There were moments there when I wanted to die.”

Me: “There were moments when I wanted to kill you.”


Don’t Date Furries

| USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(My roommate works for a high-end furrier, mostly handling the pieces that they store for customers during the warm months, but she also does some sales. She never uses her customers’ names, but she’ll use “code names” for them sometimes if she’s had a really weird or rough day and needs to talk about it.)

Roommate: *comes into the apartment, very irritated* “You won’t believe what happened today!”

Me: “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Roommate: “Well, Mr. Lawyer came in today to pick up his wife’s coat out of storage.”

(“Mr. Lawyer” is a customer they’ve had for years, and every Christmas he’ll buy both his wife and his *girlfriend* identical pieces from the furrier, so he won’t “mix them up.” My roommate hates waiting on him, but her boss says it isn’t their business who he buys furs for, he’s been a loyal customer, etc. So, she deals with it.)

Me: “What, he wasn’t picking something up for the girlfriend, too?”

Roommate: “No, but he ordered new pieces for both of them.” *she makes a face* “And THEN he actually asked me if there was anything in the shop that I wanted!”

Me: “What?!”

Roommate: “Yeah! He’s, like, twenty years older than me, he’s got a wife AND a girlfriend, who he knows I help him buy presents for every year, by the way, and he was STILL trying to offer me an expensive fur coat in exchange for who-knows-what!”

Me: “Wow… What did you say?”

Roommate: “At first I didn’t know what to do, then I just blurted out the first thing that

popped into my head.”

Me: “Which was…?”

Roommate: “I said I was a member of PETA, and I didn’t wear fur.”

Me: *I stared at her for a minute until we both laughed a little* “Did he believe you?”

Roommate: “I think so. He didn’t say anything else about it.”

Me: “So you’re supposed to be a member of PETA, but you work for a furrier?”

Roommate: “I could always be working undercover.”

Me: “Right…”

(Mr. Lawyer continues to buy identical presents each year, but he hasn’t tried hitting on my roommate again.)


Looking For Love In All The Wrong Ubers

| Chicago, IL, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I pick up a woman in downtown Chicago while driving for a ride share service. She makes small talk as we approach her condo, late in the evening.)

Customer: “So I imagine that you have long days?”

Me: “Sometimes, but I generally only do this part time.”

Customer: “Are you going to be done driving after my trip?”

Me: “Not really. I was planning on a couple more hours.”

Customer: *as I park in front of her address* “Well, you could come up if you want. I’ve had a long day and am looking for something to distract me.” *indicates her admittedly very nice looking condo*

Me: “Thanks, but I’m good.”

(I scratch the back of my head with my left hand in order to show my wedding ring.)

Customer: “Are you sure? I really need some company and it would be a lot of fun.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m good. And I’m pretty sure my wife is sure as well. I hope you have a pleasant evening, though.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re sure, but you can always come back as you know where I live now.”

Me: *somewhat speechless and just hoping she’ll leave without a fuss*

Customer: “Okay…” *leaves after spending a few more seconds staring at me through the rear view mirror*

(I don’t know if I got rated lower for refusing her “request.”)


Should Write This Story Down

| WI, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I am at my boyfriend’s house and I get up to go to the bathroom, forgetting that I am on my period and should grab a pad in case mine needs to be changed. Sure enough, the pad is very much full. I call him and he comes to the door and asks what I need. Having asked him to grab a pad for me in the past without incident, I ask him to get me one out of my bag.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, where’s your bag?”

Me: “Downstairs in that corner by the couch.”

(He is gone for a while and I think nothing of it because my bag is a very large tote bag that I use to carry my laptop and its charger, my hard drawing portfolio in case I get bored and want to sketch, and still have room for other stuff. I can even use it as an overnight bag and fit a change of clothes and snacks in there. Finally he comes back up and as I am unlocking the door for him, I hear this gem:)

Boyfriend: “I found a pen-cil.” *with emphasis on cil*

Me: “Wait… what?”

Boyfriend: “I found a pencil.”

Me: *trying to figure out how this happened* “I asked for a pad…”

Boyfriend: “Oh! I thought you said pen.”

Me: “Why would I need a pen or pencil while on the toilet?!”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. I thought maybe you wanted to write something down.” *goes back downstairs*

(After a bit, he comes back up again. I reach over and unlock the door and he sticks his hand in… holding something very tiny.)

Me: “What?” *laughing* “No! That’s a freaking panty liner!”

Boyfriend: “Well, it’s all I could find.”

Me: “All right, I’ll put it in for now and go down and look for myself.”

(I go down there and look in my bag to find out that he only dug around on one side of the bag by my portfolio. I pull it upright from its leaning position and look between it and the laptop and triumphantly find a pad, showing him.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, shush.”

Me: “Okay, but even if I HAD asked for a pen, I know for a fact I have at least two black ones in there, plus all my markers. There is no paper in the bathroom, if I needed to write something down, I would have had to use my arm and a pencil wouldn’t really work for that.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I found the white gel pens and the markers…”


Sweet And Salty Love

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Engaged, Popular

(I’m just getting home and my fiancé comes to give me a hug. I smile when I see him.)

Fiancé: “I love your smile.”

Me: “I love all of you.” *kisses*

Fiancé: “You light up the room.”

Me: “You taste like pretzels.”