The Date Doesn’t Jar Jar Stinks

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Dating

(I’m meeting a guy for a date at a bar that has a lot of old arcade games. When he arrives, we end up going into the other room where there is a Star Wars: The Phantom Menace pinball machine.)

Date: “Okay, THAT needs to be burned!”

(I like this guy already.)

Acting Like A Baby Versus Giving Birth To One

| San Jose, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is fantastic: gorgeous, funny, sweet, thoughtful.. But definitely suffers from ‘man colds’; he whines so much you’d think he was dying every time he gets a little bit sick. We’ve reached the point where we can at least joke about it, which helps me cope with how annoying he can be. He has caught a cold and left work early; I pick up soups for him and come home after I’m off. I find him in our room buried in a giant nest of blankets. He lifts his head weakly.)

Boyfriend: “The world is ending.”

Me: “Because you have the sniffles?”

Boyfriend: “Yes. It’s like CHILDBIRTH.”

You Were Lost At Pee

| VA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I am normally a heavy sleeper that will not wake up. One night I really need to pee so I get up mid-dream and make my way to the bathroom. I move really slowly and quietly so as not to wake my husband as I walk around the bed. I can’t see anything but I know where I am going and have my hands out in front of me. I feel the wall and start moving to find the door. I can’t find the bathroom door. The wall is tilted at a weird angle, and there is a door jam to my left, but the bathroom should be to my right. I feel around more and find a door knob, on the wrong side of the door! I am starting to get concerned because nothing is making sense! I try to open the door by pushing but it wont budge. I am starting to panic a little because nothing is working right.)

Husband: *finally being woken up by my shuffling around* “Honey, why are you going into the closet?”

Me: *groggy, whiny voice* “I’m not! This is the bathroom!” *I find a light switch* “Close your eyes, honey, I’m turning on the bedroom light.”

(I flip the switch and nothing happens. I am beyond confused and scared now.)

Me: “What’s going on?”

(My husband flicked the bedside light and I found myself on the complete opposite side of the room from the bathroom. I was indeed trying to open the closet door which opens by pulling, not pushing, and the light switch I turned on was for the closet, not the room. In my sleep, I did not make the turn around the bed that I thought I had. I have yet to live down the time I got lost in my own bedroom.)

That’s A Stormy Relationship

| Dallas, TX, USA | Engaged

(My boyfriend is from Florida, and we live together in my home state, Texas. After grocery shopping and putting groceries away, my boyfriend pulls out a pineapple.)

Fiancée: “Look, it’s hair is bent!” *the tuft or whatever on top of the pineapple is crooked to the side, almost lying flat* “It looks like it was in a hurricane!”

Me: “Oh, honey, so that’s what pineapples from Florida look like! I always wanted to see one!”

(He flips me the bird from behind his back as he’s walking away.)

Me: “Backwards?!”

Fiancée: “Yeah, that’s how we flip people off in Florida… We can’t turn around, or we might miss something flying at us during a hurricane!”

He’ll Put A Spell On You

| Seattle, WA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My friend and I stream video games on Twitch, where people can watch and listen to us, and interact with us in the chat. As we’re both girls, we sometimes get interesting comments:)

Commenter: “So, [My Name], how young are you and are you single?”

Friend: “Actually, her boyfriend is in the chat right now.”

Commenter: “Whoops.”

Boyfriend: “WHAT?”

Me: “You summoned the boyfriend. Good luck.”