Period Versus Chestburster

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I was having a particularly awful menstrual cycle one month, which leaves me extremely physically exhausted and in a lot of pain. My husband, who knows this, turns to me suddenly and says:)

Husband: “Hey, let’s drink red wine tonight, eat chocolate, and watch Mermaids and/or Aliens.”

(Best. Husband. Ever.)


Not Trans-parent Enough

| CA, USA | Harassment, LGBTQ

(I’m a male and identify as one but due to my slight frame and slightly longer than usual hair I’ve been mistaken for a girl before, from the back and side at least. However, my voice is surprisingly deep. I’m also Asian. I’m currently mixing a drink for another customer.)

Man: “Ay, baby, when do you get off tonight?” *he’s sitting a bit farther away and can only see my side*

Me: *ignores him thinking he’s talking to someone else*

Man: “Hey, come on! I asked you a question. Don’t ignore me!”

(At this point I’m done serving the first customer and, still not realizing he’s addressing me, go to organize a few things.)

Man: *moves closer to where I am and leans on the bar counter* “Come on, when do you get off? You’re Asian aren’t you? I love Asian girls. They’re so cute and obedient.”

(At this point I finally realize he’s mistaken me for a girl and turn around to address him.)

Me: “Are you talking to me? I’m not a—”

Man: *cuts me off and takes a step back* “S***! F***! YOU’RE ONE OF THEM F****** [slur]s, aren’t you!” *leans on the counter again* “You f****** disgust me, tricking men like me into f****** your kind!”

(The man then proceeded to turn around and walk away while I stared blankly after him.)


Thinks LGBT Stands For Little Girls Barely Teens

| Louisville, KY, USA | Flirting, LGBTQ

(I’ve just traveled with a group from my college to an LGBT+ pride festival to represent our school’s LGBT+ resource center. We are taking turns running the booth and talking to people approaching the table. At this point, the guy running the table with me is busy helping someone else while another man who looks to be at least twice my age approaches. I am a 20 year old female.)

Me: “Hello!”

Man: *mumbles*

Me: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

(This continues for a while, the man mumbling and me trying to ask him to speak up.)


Me: “Oh, well, thank you! We’re here representing [School] and this is what we do.”

(I give my spiel about what we offer, and the entire time he watches me unblinkingly. I start getting uncomfortable.)

Me: *after an awkward pause* “Well, if you’re interested in hearing about future events, you can sign up on our emailing list.”

(I try to direct his attention to the clipboard, but he continues staring at me.)

Man: “You’re very cute.”

Me: “Um, thanks.”

Man: “You’re really sexy. Do you know that?”

(At this point, I’m completely uncomfortable and I awkwardly try to ignore him, hoping he gets the hint and moves on.)

Man: “Where can I get a drink around here? I want to buy you a beer.”

Me: “Um, you can’t. I’m underage.”

Man: “Seriously, I’ll buy you one.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Man: “You want anything then? Do you want candy?”

Me: “No. I don’t want anything. If you don’t mind, other people would like to see our booth.”

(He finally leaves. I kept my eye out for him the rest of the time I’m there, until we finally get a break from people approaching our booth. I tell my friend what happened.)

Friend: *with a baffled expression* “Um, does he even know where he is right now?”


Unborn For Breakfast

| Prague, Czech Republic | Marriage & Partners

(My husband does all in his might to “keep our romance from going stale,” up to and including composing love songs about my womanly virtues, performing them usually at the least expected moments. I should also add, that in Czech, the word for “pan” is the same as the word for “pelvis”. We are in kitchen, I am making a breakfast, and he is in the middle of his cabaret act.)

Husband: *singing* “…Now just on and on, toward the kitchen, where in the curves of your pan my breakfast is being born…”

Me: “Wait a minute. Your breakfast is being born in the curves of my pan? Do you realize, how incredibly creepy it sounds?”

Husband: “Well… I do, but I hoped you won´t.”

Me: “Back to drawing board… Romeo.”


Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty…

| Waterloo, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend often teases me about acting like a kitten because I like it when he scratches the back of my neck when we’re relaxing or cuddling.)

Boyfriend: *starts scratching the back of my neck*

Me: *stretches neck for better access*

Boyfriend: “Uh-huh, just as I thought…”

Me: “No.”

Boyfriend: “Just like a kitten.”

Me: “I am not.”

Boyfriend: *continues scratching* “Oh, really?”

Me: *pouts* “Stop it.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.” *stops scratching*

Me: “But… No, don’t stop.”

(Yup, I’ve definitely found a keeper!)