Has Sandy Hair

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Marriage & Partners

(I hear a lot of harsh scrubbing going on in the bathroom; my husband usually doesn’t clean so I knock on the door.)

Me: “What are you doing in there?”

Husband: *opening door* “Drying my hair”

(He is using our roughest towel, scrubbing at his hair — what he has left of it. He is losing it quickly; the bathroom floor is always covered in hair after he showers.)

Me: “Do you know you are just rubbing your hair off your head doing it like that?”

Husband: “I don’t like having wet hair.”

Me: “I don’t actually think you are going bald. You are pretty much just sanding it off your head doing that.”

Husband: “I don’t like having wet hair.”

Me: “Why not just use my hair dryer? It will dry it quickly.”

Husband: “No way. You know how much damage those things do to your hair?”

She’s Your Breath Of The Wild

| Little Rock, AR, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(The newest Legend of Zelda game, Breath of the Wild, has recently come out and my girlfriend and I, who I have recently introduced to the game series, have been playing it heavily. We are both at work when I get this text.)

Girlfriend: “I want pizza, cuddles, and Zelda!”

Me: *grinning from ear to ear and wondering how I got so lucky*

Warrior Romance

| Gauteng, South Africa | Engaged

(My fiancé and I are cuddling after eating takeaway. I’ve never burped in front of him before.)

Me: *HUGE BURP*

Fiancé: *surprised look* “What was that?”

Me: “It’s Klingon for ‘I love you.’”

Fiancé: “Awww, I love you, too.”

Literally Reassuring You

| CA, USA | Engaged

(My now-husband and I are in the car on the way to our wedding. We are both already dressed up, and he has the HVAC blasting so he won’t get sweaty in his suit. After awhile.)

Me: “Don’t be scared when I say this, but I need to turn down the air conditioning.”

Now-Husband: “Why would that scare me?”

Me: “I need to turn it down because, in a completely literal and non-figurative way… I’m getting cold feet.”

Keeping The Spirits Of Their Relationship Alive

| Savannah, GA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend and I are doing a pedal tour of Savannah, where we visit several bars and learn about the history of the city.)

Tour Guide: “So, why are you drinking water? Are you just not a big drinker?”

Me: “No, I don’t drink. I’m a teetotaler.”

Girlfriend: “You really need to find a better term to use than ‘teetotaler.’”

Me: “Why? It’s accurate.”

Girlfriend: “‘Teetotaler’ implies that you’re judging people for drinking.”

Me: “There’s no judgment! I don’t care if people drink; it just isn’t for me.”

Girlfriend: “Honey, if I didn’t drink, we wouldn’t be dating.”