No Need To Worm Your Way Out Of That One

| Birmingham, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(It is a cold night, so my wife pulls herself all the way down under the covers.)

Me: “Aw, you’re snuggling down into your hole like a little…”

Wife: “Lugworm.”

Me: “Well I was going to say ‘bunny rabbit’ but that’ll do.”


Has Some Loyalty To You

| Canada | Harassment

Me: “Do you have a loyalty card you would like me to scan?”

Customer: Yes, absolutely. I never leave home without it.”

Me: “Perfect.” *scans his card and prints off his receipt* “Now if you just go here on the website, you have a chance to win up to $1000 daily.”

Customer: “Amazing. If I win, I will take you to dinner… Promise?”

(Being 16 years old, I am in shock.)

Customer: “Promise?” *voice gets louder* “Promise? PROMISE?!”

(Because it is the only way to make him leave.)

Me: “Yes… Promise.”

How To Win The Robot-War Against Telemarketers

| USA | Marriage & Partners

(I’m reading the Not Always Working telemarketer wars. There are so many awesome responses! Unfortunately, all I get are the robots, so no awesomeness for me.)

Me: *to my partner* “I wish that real human beings called meeeeeee!”

(Awkward silence.)

Me: “That… sounds really sad without the context.”

Partner: “Yeah…”

Me: *starts explaining*

Promise They Will Not Understand

| England, UK | Advice

(I have recently bought myself a Claddagh ring — an Irish design ring that represents love, loyalty, and friendship, worn on the ring finger and which, when worn with the heart pointing inward towards oneself, signifies that the wearer’s heart is taken. Around about the same time I pass my first anniversary with my boyfriend. The two things are not actually related, but the latter probably contributed to how many times I had the following conversation with friends and acquaintances in the following weeks.)

Friend: “Oh! Congratulations on your engagement!”

Me: “Huh? Oh, no, it’s not an engagement ring… It’s just a ring you wear on that finger.”

Friend: “So, it’s a promise ring?”

Me: “No, you can wear one even if you’re single, but wearing it up this way.” *points to design* “With the heart pointing inward signifies that you’re in a relationship.”

Friend: *blank stare*

Me: *sigh* “You know what? Close enough. Yes. It’s a promise ring.”

(Considering that Celtic, Irish, and Scottish jewellery designs are common in the UK and I see a lot of people wearing these rings, I was kind of surprised at how few people actually knew what they were…)

Should Have Drawn A Line In The Sand

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

(It’s 2001. My husband and I are visiting the USA from Finland for a semester abroad. Darude’s “Sandstorm” has already been playing over and over on the radio in Finland for the last year, and we’re both getting really sick of it. Apparently it follows us across the ocean, because one night we go out to a club, and guess what the DJ plays. We have the following conversation the next morning:)

Husband: “Oh, wow, I was so drunk last night.”

Me: “I know. You were dancing to ‘Sandstorm’. Vigorously.”