Your Great Purpose

| QLD, Australia | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband drove me to a job interview and waited in the car. We are driving home and he is complaining about being in the car all day. I regularly go to a job with him and wait in the car. I get out my phone and pretend to text his grandfather.)

Me: “Your grandson is a butthead.”

Husband: “Don’t send that. Don’t turn my family against me.”

Me: “They already like me better than you anyway.”

Husband: “They’re just using you…”

Me: “For what?”

Husband: “Great-grandchildren!”

Me: “Touché.”

Husband: “You know it’s true.”

(Sadly, it is true – sort of. I’m the only adult female of my husband’s generation who can have children. I am their ‘only hope.’)


Expecting Milk To Come Out

| New Zealand | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(I have just grabbed drinks, a juice for me and chocolate milk for my husband, who is British and quite polite and proper. The brand of milk is called Nippy’s, and it comes in a tetra pak box. He is driving, so I ask if he wants me to put the straw in his drink for him and accidentally come out with one of the best lines ever:)

Me: “Do you want me to pierce your Nippy’s?”

Husband: “…I think I’m good, thanks.”


Telling Tall Stories

| Kildare, Ireland | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(My husband and I have been together over six years. Apparently we don’t know each other as well as we thought…)

Me: “I was talking to my sister the other day and she couldn’t believe you’re only 5’11”. She thought you had to be over six foot.”

Husband: “I am. I’m 6’2″.”

Me: “But you told me before you were 5’11”!”

Husband: “No, I didn’t! Why would I say that?”

Me: “Oh. I must be getting you mixed up with someone else.”

Husband: “But can you not tell by looking at me?”

Me: “Sure, I’m tiny! Everyone over 5’8″ looks the same height to me.”

Husband: “I can’t believe you don’t know how tall I am.”

Me: “How tall am I?”

Husband: “About 5’4″ or 5’5″.”

Me: “I’m just under 5’2″.”


Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 8

| Cambridge, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Pokemon

(My boyfriend and I are in his car, heading to his place. He’s driving and I’m playing Pokémon Go. He’s not a Pokémon fan, while I grew up with it and still love the franchise to this day.)

Boyfriend: “Finding anything?”

Me: “Mmm, no. Not yet. It’s hard to find Pokémon while driving because the car is moving too fast for them to appear.”

Boyfriend: “And heaven forbid you don’t catch that MewTwo!”

Me: “One: MewTwo is not in Pokémon Go. Two: You’re a doofus.”

Boyfriend: “And you’re a dorkface.”

Me: *smiles at him* “You know that I love you, right?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah. And you know that I love you too, right?”


Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 7
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 6
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 5


Nothing Fishy In This Relationship

| VA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I have recently left a teaching job at a private school for a public school. My husband and I are talking about the offer in the car.)

Me: “Plus, now I actually get to be at a school where people actually know the mascot. No one knows [Old School].”

Husband: “You were the bulldogs, I think. There’s one on your [Old School] polo shirt.”

Me: “Yep, bulldogs. But I don’t even think the kids knew what we were.”

Husband: “What are you at [New School]?”

Me: “We’re the [New School] Marlins.”

Husband: “I knew you were a good catch!”

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