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Driving Them Away

| MI, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I am first in line at a stop light, waiting for the light to turn green in order to get to a fancy restaurant where I am meeting someone for a first date. I call her to let her know that I am almost there and we talk for a couple minutes. There is a clear “No Turn on Red” sign right next to the road in clear view of everyone.)

Me: “So, do you want to go catch a movie afterwards or something?”

Her: “Sure, we could go see— MOVE, YOU MOTHER-F*****! THERE’S NOBODY COMING! YOU CAN TURN!”

(I hear the car behind me honking and see a young girl on the phone screaming and flailing her arms wildly about. I also hear background honking in my phone.)

Her: “COME ON, MOVE, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF S***! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP!

(At this point I know it is her behind me. The light turns green and I complete my turn.)

Her: “FINALLY! God, people need to learn how to drive. This little s*** wouldn’t turn right when nobody was coming the other way.”

Me: “Well, I guess you won’t be seeing that little s*** at dinner.” *click*

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Lovedibs

| CT, USA | Dating

(We’re driving home from getting food and discussing that we recently started saying “I love you.”)

Boyfriend: “We still haven’t said it over text message, though…”

Me: “Dibs.”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “Can I call dibs on that? Yeah, I’m calling dibs on that.”

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To Keep Your Girlfriend Then Keep To Time

| NY, USA | Dating, Popular

(I normally commute home on the train and then drive back from the train station, but today my friend at work is having a goodbye party, so I get a ride to work from my dad. I’ve arranged with my boyfriend that he will pick me up that night and I’ll stay at his house.)

Me: *texting* “Sorry, this is going a bit later than I thought. I’ll leave soon, though.”

Boyfriend: “No worries, I’m just cleaning up around the house.”

Me: *a bit later* “Okay, I left and I’ll probably catch the train that gets in at [time]. Is that good?”

Boyfriend: “Yup, I’ll be there!”

(I get to the train station about two minutes later than the schedule says, but I don’t see my boyfriend’s car. I call him, assuming he’s driving, and he answers.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, babe, what’s up?”

Me: “Hey, I’m at the station.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, s***! Didn’t you say [time 15 minutes later]? I must have reversed the numbers!”

Me: “No, I said [original time]. It doesn’t have any of the same numbers…”

Boyfriend: “Oh… I guess I just made that up, then.”

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