Grudge Match

| Cambridge, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are in the car on the way to his house.)

Boyfriend: *starts making scratchy throat noises, like the ones in ‘The Grudge’*

Me: “Are you making Grudge noises?”

Boyfriend: *nods and continues doing it*

Me: “Well, you’re doing it wrong. They’re lower-pitched, like this.”  *also begins making Grudge noises*

(We both sit there for a few more seconds making Grudge noises.)

Me: “Well, that just happened.”

Boyfriend: “Of course it did. Are you really surprised?”

Me: “Nope. This is what real relationships look like.”

Boyfriend: “Of course it is, darling, because everyone knows that couples hold grudges!”

Me: “Oooooh, that pun! It burns!”


A Leaf In The Windshield

| Georgetown, KY, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend and I are in the car and the car in front of us is really dirty, and in the dirt, someone has written “Wash me.” We’re both fans of ‘Firefly.’)

Me: “Wash me? I feel like impaling that vehicle now.”

Girlfriend: *punches me* “Oh, god d*** it. I hate you.” *after a moment* “Though we’d have to impale it from the front.”


Harry Potter And The Inappropriate Comments

| MA, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(Talking about Halloween costumes for our daughter’s first birthday (she’s a Halloween baby) and this comes up.)

Wife: “Should we do a family costume? Something that all goes together?”

Me: “That’s a great idea, what about Harry Potter, Hermione, and Luna?”

Wife: “Why Luna?”

Me: “She wears glasses and Hermione doesn’t.”

Wife: “That’s true… What about you as Harry and [Daughter] as a Snitch?”

Me: “And what, you’ll be my broomstick? I’d be happy to ride you all night long.”

(My wife and I cracked up uncontrollably for the remainder of the car ride.)

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