Making No Mis-steaks On Valentine’s Day

| WA, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(I have recently married my wife. We are in church on Valentine’s Day, and one of the older church-moms comes up to me.)

Church-Mom: “What are you doing for [Wife] for Valentine’s Day?”

Me: “Well, [Wife] has been driving a lot, so I bought her a gas card, and I’m cooking steaks. Oh… and we’re watching a movie tonight. We’re going to have a date night. We’ve been so busy that we never get to spend any time alone.

Church-Mom: *in a disappointed tone* “Hmm… knowing you, I expected it to be a lot more romantic.”

Me: “But… steak…”

The Wedding Planner Is Fired

| WI, USA | Dating, Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month, Young Love

(My cousin has just gotten married, and I bring my boyfriend with me as my date. We’re only 20, but we do talk about marriage sometimes, albeit mostly as a joke. We are having a conversation as we exit the church.)

Boyfriend: “You know what? This wedding has got me thinking. Choose your top four friends to be your bridesmaids!”

Me: “I actually already have that list prepared so—wait, four? B-but I just narrowed it down to seven the other day.”

Boyfriend: “Too bad! It’s gotta be four now!”

Me: “I can’t choose! I love them all so much!”

Boyfriend: “Well [Best Friend’s Name] would be your maid of honor right? Just gather the other six in a room and set them all on fire; whoever lives gets to be in the wedding!”

No Ship, Sherlock

| OH, USA | Dating, Top

(I have a crush on my best friend, but she considers herself asexual, so the relationship never came to be. Despite our just-friendship, my friends still want us to date, or, as they say, they ‘ship’ us.)

Me: “You know, ever since I told them about you, all my friends ship us.”

Best Friend: “How do they manage that when there’s an asexual involved?”

Me: “Never stopped the Sherlock fans.”

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