Heading Straight For Success


(Overheard with no context while walking across campus:)

Student: “If I had as much success with women as I do with gay men, there’d be no stopping me.”

Re-orient Your Request

| England, UK | Flirting, LGBTQ

(I’m eating lunch with some friends when I girl I’ve never met before comes up to me.)

Girl: “Hi! My sister thinks you’re hot!”

Me: “Oh? Thank you.”

Girl: “Do you think she’s hot?” *points at her*

Me: “No.”

Girl: *sounding hurt* “No? You didn’t even look!”

Me: “I don’t need to. I’m gay.”

Girl: “OH… What about my brother.” *point at guy next to “sister”*

Me: “…”

Have Reached Critical Flirting

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I play Dungeons and Dragons, a game that involves rolling a 20 sided die. Rolling a 20 is a “critical hit” so you do double damage, but rolling a 1 means you fail automatically.)

Me: “I roll to kiss you!” *rolls imaginary dice* “Nat 20!”

Boyfriend: “I roll to resist!” *rolls imaginary dice* “Oh, no, a natural one!”

Me: *kisses him once* “Oh, wait, I do double damage!” *kisses him again*

Boyfriend: “That was the nerdiest flirting ever.”

Me: “Yeah, but it worked!”

Nurture Versus Terrifying Nature

| USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I were talking about future children and parenting styles. I am extremely arachnophobic and he is aware of this.)

Boyfriend: “Would you love our kid if they were gay?”

Me: “Of course.”

Boyfriend: “Would you love them if they were an atheist?”

Me: “Sure.”

Boyfriend: “Would you love them if they were an entomologist–” *someone who studies insects* “–with a specialty in arachnids?”

Me: *opens mouth, then slowly closes it and lapses into a long period of silence as he laughs*

Invaded Only Just The Tip

| Waco, TX, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are lying in bed one evening when he starts trying to get frisky. Note: though born in the USA, he is very proud of his Irish heritage and is a huge history buff.)

Me: “What’re you doing?”

Boyfriend: “Trying to visit my favorite place.”

Me: “Ireland?”

(I pause to laugh as he rolls his eyes at me before we continue, but after a minute I pause again and look at him.)

Me: “Wait, if my vagina is Ireland, what’s your penis?”

Boyfriend: “Probably Britain, seeing as it’s invading Ireland.”

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