Hopefully Not Conventional Behavior

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Harassment

(I go to Comic Con dressed in cosplay, alone. I am cosplaying a character named Jade Harley (who happens to be narcoleptic) from a web-comic called Homestuck. I have heard that there is going to be a meetup of Homestuck fans, which I am quite excited for, seeing as I have never met another fan face-to-face. I end up getting to the area where the meetup is happening about half an hour early, and am approached by a guy dressed as Dave Strider, another character in the comic.)

‘Dave’: “Hey! Jade! Sweet!” *does finger guns at me*

Me: “Ha! Thanks.” *awkward laugh*

‘Dave’: “So, you gonna be a Sleeping Beauty and let me kiss you to wake you up?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

‘Dave’: “Aw, c’mon… pleeeaaase?” *stands uncomfortably close to me*

Me: *inching away* “…Please leave me alone.”

(This continued on for several minutes until someone else showed up, dressed as Dirk Strider, the other character’s brother. I was relieved, but quickly realised that they were friends when he grinned and called out a greeting to ‘Dave’.)

‘Dirk’: “Hey! Found a sexy mamacita over here?”

‘Dave’: “H*** yeah, man, but she’s playing hard to get, y’know?”

Me: “Can you guys please just stop?” *backing away from the two of them*

‘Dave’: “Aw, Jade baby, calm down!”

(He decided to take this opportunity to try and grope my chest. I kicked him in the shin, hard. Of course, it was at this moment the event organiser showed up and kicked me out for being violent. Definitely turned me off ever going to a convention again.)

Seeing The Ex-tra Benefits

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Exes/Old Flames

(I’m wandering through a convention with my friend and his wife, when another girl walks past.)

Friend: “Whoa!”

Me: “What is it?”

Friend: “That was [His Ex] that just passed us.”

(I remembered hearing about this girl because she dumped him shortly before we met, and left him unable to date anyone for a year before he met his future wife.)

Me: “Oh, wow…”

Friend’s Wife: “Oh, is that [His Ex]? Excuse me for a minute.”

(She goes off to follow her. We both are concerned because she has a tendency to be vindictive towards anyone who hurts someone she cares about. She comes back a few minutes later.)

Friend: “What did you do?”

Friend’s Wife: “I had heard stories about her for years. I just wanted to see what she looked like.”

Friend: “You didn’t say or do anything?”

Friend’s Wife: “No. Why should I? And if I did, I just would have just thanked her. Because if she didn’t break your heart, we never would’ve met and got married.”

Friend: “Wow… I love you!”

A Weird Improvement

| London, England, UK | Dating

(My best mate and I are planning to go to a con. As we text to sort out the details, he mentions that he’ll bring his girlfriend. This is the first I’ve heard of his having a girlfriend. His last girlfriend turned out to be relatively weird (not in a good way) so I ask if this is her or if this is someone normal. He only tells me she’s normal. I get distracted by something so don’t ask any further questions. At the event itself…)

Friend: “Hey!”

Me: “Hey! Nice outfit.”

Friend: “Thanks. Aaaand… this is my girlfriend!”

(Sure enough, a girl appears from behind him. She smiles at me.)

Girlfriend: “Hi, [My Name]. I’m so glad we finally get to meet. [Friend] has told me so much about you!”

Me: “Ah. This is embarrassing. He’s told me almost nothing about you. As in, I first learnt of your existence on Wednesday.”

Girlfriend: “Ha ha, really?”

Friend: Hold on, I definitely told you about her before.”

Me: “[Friend], I don’t even know her name!”

Girlfriend: “Maybe he’s just ashamed of me.”

Friend: “Oh, come on, I definitely mentioned it. You know, at the cinema a few months ago.”

Me: “…Nope, I don’t think you did. Oh, no, wait, you mentioned you were going on a date two months ago.”

Friend: “See!”

Me: “Like, a first date. How was I supposed to know that that turned into a full relationship? Especially when you never mentioned her again?”

Girlfriend: “Well, I’m [Girlfriend] and this is how we met…”

(She takes it in her stride and we get on very well, but we don’t stop teasing him about his not telling me about her. Eventually, he gets a little annoyed.)

Friend: “You know, if I hadn’t told you anything about her, why didn’t you ask when I said I’d bring her?”

Me: “I did! I asked if she was normal and you said yes.”

Friend: “And?”

Me: “Well, after your last one, that’s all I really needed to know.”

We All Like Mike

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Flirting

(I’m at an anime convention, and I’m hanging out and flirting with a guy I met there, who happens to be named Mike.)

Me: *frustrated at messing up something simple* “Oh, for the love of Mike!”

(He and his sister both look at me in shock and horror.)

Me: “…oh, not you!”

The Corpse Bride

| NJ, USA | Dating

(I’m working at a huge indoor color guard competition while my boyfriend has been on band tour with his college band. We haven’t called each other all week. He calls me.)

Me: “Hello, you have reached the babysitter.”

Boyfriend: “Hello, this is the morgue. We have your corpses ready.”

Me: “You have my corpses ready? Oh, that’s good.”

(At this point, a very good friend of ours begins inching away from me, while my boyfriend’s mother laughs.)

Me: “When can I expect delivery?”

Boyfriend: It’s pick up only. Remember?

Me: “Oh, yeah, that’s right. How late are you guys open?”

Boyfriend: “How late do you NEED us to be open?”

Me: “Oh, umm… Let me think… Could you wait until three am?”

Boyfriend: “We can wait for you until then.”

Me: “Okay, thank you. Hi, honey. How are you?”

(The sad part is, we do something along those lines at least once a month.)

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