Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 4

| Blaine, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are sitting next to each other and playing D&D, using voice chat and an online map to play with several friends. He is the DM, and the other players and I are having trouble with a particular enemy. I have just tried to attack it again, and this happens:)

Husband: “Nope, that roll wasn’t good enough. You miss again.”

Me: *incredibly frustrated* “Are you f****** me?!”

Friend #1: “Well, I sure hope he’s not right now.”

(Our friends immediately started cracking up, and it took all of us several minutes to stop giggling and carry on with the game.)

Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 3
Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 2
Gaining Sexperience Points

Stepping Up To The Advice

| London, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(I am on a depressive/anxiety slump. I am sitting on the sofa stuffing my face with pizza.)

Me: “I hate this. The house is a mess. It’s so gorgeous outside, and I can’t motivate myself to do either. Can’t clean the house; can’t go outside. Ugh.”

Husband: “I’m sorry, babe. Let’s cuddle.”

Me: “I just want to be normal!”

Husband: “Why would you want to be normal when you are perfect? That’s a step down wouldn’t you say?”

(I love him!)

Handy In A Pinch

| Northern Ireland, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I usually end up going to bed at different times, him always being first. As a light sleeper, whenever I eventually go to bed, he wakes up for a quick cuddle and falls asleep again. This night, he has grabbed both my hands and is holding them close to his chest.)

Boyfriend: *half-asleep* “Night night, babe…”

(I wish him goodnight and lie down, wiggling my hands slightly as I do.)

Boyfriend: *all but yelps in panic* “WAIT! WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY HANDS?!”

(I immediately started laughing and reassured him that he had a normal amount of hands, and the rest belonged to me.)

Mrs. Pac-Man Has Other Appetites

| ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is easily distracted by his phone, cat, or Internet videos. Stories like this happen a lot. We are going to a party later and he has just gotten off the phone with our friend and is about to look up the directions. We also were about to have sex, so we are lying naked in his bed.)

Boyfriend: “Why is the map app asking me to play this game?” *starts playing game*

Me: “What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. It was there so I started playing!”

Me: *looks down at my body and back up to him* “Are you kidding me?!”

Boyfriend: “Oh, right, sorry. Don’t worry. You will always matter more to me than [Female Game Character].” *closes the game and actually looks up the directions before turning back towards me*

Things Are Not Looking Good

| TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I missed a call from an unknown number and think nothing of it, until it calls again 20 minutes later. I cautiously answer, only to hear my husband on the line, borrowing a coworker’s phone. I am the primary on our wireless phone service.)

Husband: “Hey! Someone stole my phone. I need you to suspend it immediately.”

Me: “Are you sure someone actually took it?”

Husband: “I can’t find it anywhere. I think someone either stole it or picked it up. Just please, suspend it.”

(I agree, but before doing so I log into my account and look for any recent usage. Everything looks legitimate, so I call his cell phone. My husband picks up.)

Husband: “That is so weird. I’m in my truck and the blue-tooth must have picked up on my phone, but I’m far from work now.”

Me: “Are you sure it isn’t in your truck somewhere?”

Husband: “I don’t think so. I completely tore the truck apart looking for it. Just hold off on suspending it. I’ll be home soon.”

(Twenty minutes later he came home, upset over the loss because even with insurance we couldn’t replace it right then and he needed it for work and was expecting an important phone call. I told him I would take a look. Within two minutes I located his phone, on silent, tucked under the back seat of his truck and only partially covered. The space underneath the seat was quite visible from the front or side of the truck, so he would have looked right at it at some point. My husband felt a bit bad about this… until I showed him that this is a relatively common phenomenon with married couples!)

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