Not Getting Dogged Down By Valentine’s Day

| San Antonio, TX USA | Marriage & Partners, Pets & Animals

(It is the day before Valentine’s Day, and about a month after we’ve adopted a puppy. My wife has realized how far behind in schoolwork (a tough master’s degree program) she is.)

Wife: “I think I need to not come home tomorrow. I’ll just go straight to studying after work.”

Me: “You’re not coming home on Valentine’s Day?”

Wife: “Yes. I’ll miss my puppy.”

Me: “…AND YOUR HUSBAND?!”

Wife: “Oh… well… yeah.”

Suddenly Acting Childish

| Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I wanted kids when we were first married, but have since decided against it. We are starting a new TV show that is supposed to be heart-warming about a middle aged man who takes in a six-year-old girl that was being abandoned by the family. Before the show starts I turn to him and hold out my pinkie.)

Me: “Pinkie promise that no matter how cute this show is we will not go back on our decision to not have kids!”

Husband: “Yeah, Yeah, I don’t think that’s needed. You may go on ovary overdrive but you know I won’t let you go too far.”

(Half-way through the show he turns to me and gives me puppy dog eyes.)

Husband: “It’s a good thing we made that promise! I want one!”

Not A Problem You Can Sleep On

| Tokyo, Japan | Engaged

(My fiancé and I have been living together for some time now. We bought a cheap mattress for the bed when we moved in which is definitely past its prime.)

Me: *lying down on my side of the bed*

Mattress: *boing, creak, clunk*

Fiancé: “Ah, the mattress is screaming.”

(Not sure if we need a new mattress or I need a new diet… But according to her, it’s both!)

He Can Cook This In His Sleep

| Denver, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband is a chef, and talks in his sleep. He’s asked me to make sure he’s awake when the alarm goes off in the morning.)

Me: “Wakey, wakey.”

Husband: “I’m awake.”

Me: “Prove it.”

Husband: “I’m thinking about shrimp and grits.”

Me: “I know you. That proves nothing.”

(Five minutes later:)

Me: “Wake up.”

Husband: “Give me a few more minutes. I’m getting the bathrooms together.”

Me: *laughing* “What?”

Husband: “Or they won’t let us open.”

Selfishly Engaging

| WA, USA | Proposals

(My then-girlfriend and I have talked about marriage and plan to marry once we are ready. After I mention how much I love a ring in the shop where my girlfriend is buying a present, we have this conversation.)

Girlfriend: “How do you feel about telling people we are engaged?”

Me: “I don’t know. I want to marry you, but all the reasons I have for making the switch from dating to engaged are selfish.”

Girlfriend: “How is it selfish?”

Me: “It would get us taken more seriously and I would get attention from the other girls in my classes.”

Girlfriend: “I don’t see anything wrong with wanting that.”

(Runner up for one of the least romantic proposals ever, but it worked!)

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