Engaged With The Wrong Parent

| PA, USA | Engaged, Proposals

(My parents had just gotten engaged, and my father wants to talk with my grandfather about what he thinks of him marrying my mom. Unsure how to go about this, my father decides to approach my grandmother about how best to broach the subject. He is incredibly nervous due to a few mishaps when mother’s sister got engaged to someone my grandfather didn’t care for.)

Daddy: *nervously stands next to my grandmother while she does the dishes* “Excuse me, Mrs. [Grandmother], uhm… What would be the best way to talk to your husband about [Mother] and I getting married?”

Grammy: *grins and tosses down the dish she was washing* “The best way to talk to my husband about getting married?! Here, I’ll show you!” *she then takes my father by the hand, drags the poor man to the TV room where my grandfather is watching something, and switches said TV off*

Grandmother: “[Grandfather]! [Father] here wants to tell you something!” *makes a grand gesture to my father* “YOU! You’re on!”

(My poor father managed to stutter out what he wanted to say, and thankfully my grandfather was very happy with their engagement! They’ve now been very happily married for more than twenty years, and despite my mother’s growing health issues, he always looks at her like he loves her more every day, never thinking her a burden, and giving her the biggest kiss on the lips when he comes home from work! Needless to say, my boyfriend has a lot to live up to! ;) )


Well, Who Isn’t?

| Memphis, TN, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I’m currently five months pregnant, showing, and making myself a snack in the kitchen. I have a sudden thought and grin.)

Me: “Hey, babe! I’m barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen!”

Husband: “Did you say you’re Barefoot Contessa?”

Me: “No! I’m not as pretentious as her.”

Husband: “But you are as cute at her!”

Me: “I’m not cuter than Ina Garten? She’s like 60! She is pretty cute, though.”

Husband: “Yeah, she’s like the non-threatening Martha Stewart!”

Me: *baffled laughter* “Are you afraid of Martha Stewart?!”


Cheesy Love

| USA | Friends With Benefits

(I’m texting with my best friend from our respective houses during our fall break. She’s eating lunch, and I’m hanging out with my guy friend who is slightly more than just a friend. Note: As a running joke, I randomly bite him gently on his chest or arm when we cuddle.)

Me: “What are you up to?”

Best Friend: “Lounging in my bed with pizza. You?”

Me: “Lounging in my bed with [Guy Friend].”

Best Friend: “Better than pizza?”

Me: “Hold on, haha. I’ll ask him.”

(In person:)

Me: “Babe, are you better than pizza?”

Guy Friend: “Same thing.”

Me: *confused* “Um… what?”

Guy Friend: “We’re both warm and cheesy… and you bite us both!”

(I started laughing and relayed the information to my best friend, who agreed it was pretty accurate. For the record, I do like him slightly more than pizza!)


The Wrongest Flavor Of Chocolate

| Essen, Germany | Engaged

(My fiancé and I are in bed, in the middle of sexytime. He was hungry before and thought about having oats with milk and chocolate powder, but got distracted when I came out of the shower naked. We literally JUST finished.)

Fiancé: “Are you sure there is no chocolate powder left?”

Me: “I love you, too, honey!”


Has A Sixth Sense For These Things

| London, England, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I decide to sit down and finally watch a highly popular drama series about hackers in order to catch up with the current season. A couple mutual friends had been raving about it and it recently won a prestigious television award, so we’re both really excited to get into it. We’re watching the second episode when I notice something. It should be noted that I am completing a degree in Film Studies.)

Me: “Oh… d***.”

Boyfriend: *gives me a worried look* “Something wrong?”

Me: “No, it’s just… I may have unintentionally spoiled an important plot point for myself.”

Boyfriend: *surprised* “What, really?”

Me: “Maybe? There’s a chance I could be wrong, but now that I’ve seen it it’s going to bug me… Hold on, I’m gonna check in with [Friend]!”

(Since I’m pretty sure that I’m right and don’t want to spoil the show for my boyfriend I text one of our friends who has watched already. They confirm my suspicion and it turns out to be a major plot twist for the series. The damage is done but I keep watching with a fresh pair of eyes and see the show from a different angle, which actually enhances the experience rather than kills it! Eventually the plot twist is revealed near the end of the season and my boyfriend is reeling is surprise.)

Me: *smiles*

Boyfriend: “Wait, why aren’t you reacting? This is huge!”

Me: “Um, do you remember when we started watching and I thought I uncovered a major plot point?”

Boyfriend: “Yes?”

Me: *point to screen*

Boyfriend: “Are you kidding me? You figured it out THEN?? How?”

Me: “I’ve studied Secret Window, Fight Club, The Sixth Sense, and many Shyamalan films! All the clues were there in plain sight! It’s the curse all film students must bear!

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