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Gives New Meaning To ‘Coin-Toss’

| Finland | Marriage & Partners

Me: “Hey, there’s a 20-cent coin on the bed.”

Husband: “That must have fallen out when I took off my pants.”

Me: “So, you take off your pants and money falls out?”

Husband: “At least it didn’t fall out of my underwear.”

Me: “You must not be a very good stripper if 20-cent coins are what they’re putting in there.”

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Put That Excuse To Bed

| The Netherlands | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are having dinner. Earlier this morning, we decided we’d have some fun later tonight.)

Me: “So, my sister texted me while I was waiting for the train, to ask if mum could swing by later tonight and pick up a book I promised my brother could borrow.”

Boyfriend: *smirks* “So what did you say?”

Me: “Well, since we have plans, I wanted to say no, but I was unsure how and if I even should. Anyway, she told me it was okay if I wanted to go to bed early, so I affirmed that.”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “Yeah, you’re going to bed early all right!”

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You’re The Blocked Light Of My Life

| CA, USA | Engaged

(I have just gotten out of the shower and see my fiancée clipping her toenails. Not able to help myself, I make a few off-color and gross remarks that shall remain unknown for the sake of everyone’s sanity. My fiancée is “put off” by my humor — not actually offended, but mildly perturbed — so I attempt to “salvage” the moment.)

Me: *teasingly* “Who loves me, honey?”

Fiancée: “Your mom. Your mom loves you.”

Me: “Yes, she does. Very much. But who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “I’m pretty sure your dad loves you.”

Me: “Yes, I’m confident that he loves me. But who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “I think your sister loves you.”

(By this point, I’m kneeling in front of the wastebasket where she’s disposing her toenail clippings, rubbing her knee.)

Me: “Yes, I’m sure she does. But who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “…Your brother?”

Me: “Yes, he does. Who else?”

Fiancée: “I think your cousins love you.”

Me: *already giggling by this point* “Okay, honey, but let’s be real here: Who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “Well, certainly not the person whose light you’re blocking right now, that’s for sure.”

(I start laughing, and she kisses me.)

Fiancée:I love you, honey. I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

Fiancée: “But, seriously, you’re blocking my light.”

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Married An Armful

| CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

(It is nighttime and my husband and I are in bed asleep and snuggling. I have longer arms than he does. I wake up cold and try to adjust the blankets and don’t notice that he is sitting up. When I move back to lie down my elbow hits him right above his eye.)

Husband: “Ow!”

Me: “Sorry! Are you okay?”

Husband: “Why did you do that?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know you were sitting up.”

Husband: “You really need to watch where you swing your arms and elbows.”

Me: “Sorry I can’t be a T-Rex like you, love.”

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Married To A Spice Girl

| WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I share a house with a few people. One evening, my husband and one of our housemates are both in the kitchen, making dinner, while I am watching. It is worth mentioning that I have pale skin and red hair.)

Housemate: *looking through the spice cabinet* “Hey, [Husband], where’s your ginger?”

Me: *waving and smiling* “Right here!”

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